


I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

by WishIHadWings



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Brokeback Mountain AU, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, mention of rape and abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 02:05:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 45,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishIHadWings/pseuds/WishIHadWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brokeback Mountain AU - Mickey Milkovich finds himself in Texas for a new job, little did he know, he was going to be working with someone from back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is the first Shameless fic I've published and first I've ever posted on AO3.  
> Warning: If you haven't watched the movie, some things might come as a shock to you.  
> Thank you so much, I'm a bit nervous so don't hesitate in leaving kudos or comments to let me know your opinions on it :)

Texas - 1963

It had been a few miles he had been walking the street in the dead of autumn, a cigarette lit between his lips, cowboy hat sitting lowly on his head to avoid communication. Mickey Milkovich was finally going to have a decent job for the season, it'll keep his fiancee happy at least, who was at home pregnant with a baby he didn't want. This job would be good for him, too, he could finally get away from her.

Of course, when he showed up no one was there yet. His new boss, Aguirre and whatever partner he'd be stuck with were late, but he knew that he'd be alone for most of it anyway, in total solitude. Just how Mickey liked it.

He mindlessly paced, as he did, stepping on his finished smoke, pulling another one to put between his cracked lips but paused as he saw a busted, faded, black truck drive over the lonely rocky road, huffing and puffing it's guts out. It parked to a perfect stop. Mickey tried not to stare, he really did, but then he saw the man with glowing ginger hair get out of the truck. He was clearly younger than Mickey, maybe 18? He couldn't really place it.

The red head ran his hand through his scruffy hair, putting his black hat, similar to Mickey's beige one, on his head. He glanced at Mickey, catching his bright blue eyes. Mickey was secretly groaning, able to tell this kid was going to piss him off big time. So he looked away, igniting his lighter for the long awaited cigarette that lingered his fingers and sat on the steps. trying to keep himself looking at the ground. He could tell that kid was still staring at him, eyes burning through him, why wouldn't he stop? What the fuck was wrong with him? Who the fuck stares at someone like that. Awkward, tall, good looking boys shouldn't be looking at fucked up, even more awkward, short boys like that. Mickey swore he was seriously going to punch him right in the jaw if he didn't quit it out.

Lucky for the red head, Aguirre pulled up at exactly the right moment. Mickey flicked the burning cigarette from his fingers, exhaling the smoke through his nostrils, moving to let the slightly overweight man who reminded Mickey of his own father make his way through the door, not looking at either Mickey or the red head staring from the distance. Mickey tried to follow him, but the door shut in his face, his cheeks flush red, stepping down, swearing he could hear a chuckle a few feet away. He swore he was going to hit the kid in the face. Seriously.

The door swung open, Aguirre nodding at the boys, his heavy Texan accent spoke.

"You kids gettin' your scrawny lookin' asses in here or what?"

Mickey took off his hat to reveal his raven black hair, going inside to the office made mostly of dark wood, smelling of tobacco. He leaned against a windowpane, he could feel the warmth of the red head more than a few feet away. _He better keep it that way,_ he thought.

The heavy man coughed, sitting at his desk.

"Up on Brokeback, the Forest Service has got designated camp sites on the allotments. Them camps can be three or four miles from where we pasture the woollies."

Mickey listened carefully, understanding the heavy accent as Aguirre continued telling him his job.

"Bad predator loss if there's nobody lookin' after them at night--Now, what I want is a camp-tender, to stay in the main camp where the Forest Service says, but the herder, he's gonna pitch a pup tent on the q.t, with the sheep and he's going to sleep there"

Mickey already shotgunned the camp site in his mind. He'd get paid for cooking and eating, basically. The red head could deal with the annoying sheep and sleep in a tent, surely.

"You eat your supper and breakfast in camp, but you sleep with the sheep" Aguirre continued directing "100%. No fire, you don't leave no sign. You roll up that tent every mornin' in case Forest Service snoops 'round."

The phone rung and Mickey felt like he could finally breathe after listening to his frank instructions, consuming each bit to make sure whatever he did, he did the right thing, he took a glance at the boy standing a bit further away from him, looking just as bored as he did.

"not in your fucking life" the older man yelled, slamming the phone down, looking at the boys who looked bored out of there fucking minds.

"you got your dogs, your 30-30, You sleep there"

He was pointing at the red head now "last Summer I had goddamn near 25% loss. I don't want that again"

"You" he pointed at Mickey now, getting up from his chair, grabbing a wrist watch

"Fridays at noon, you be down at the bridge, with your grocery list and mules. Somebody with supplies will be there with a pick up" he threw the watch to Mickey who thankfully for his luck, caught it.

"Tomorrow morning, we'll truck you up to the jump-off." He mumbled, now grabbing a cigarette to place in his mouth, striking a lighter to begin the burn as he sat down. The boys stared at Aguirre till he raised his telephone, looking up at them as if to say 'fuck off'. The both of them quickly got their hats on, heading outside.

Mickey closed the door behind him, watching the younger boy light up a cigarette as he placed that overused watch on his wrist, doing it up. Swearing to himself that the boy was still looking at him.

"Ian Gallagher" He spoke, introducing himself. The thing that shocked Mickey was the fact that he didn't have a Texan accent like the rest of the assholes in this town. The voice was familiar, it sounded like home. South Side Chicago.

Mickey still turned to shake his hand, firmly grabbing it, trying not to think about him--Gallagher, all that much. He for sure had a good hand grip.

"Mickey" he replied, seeing a slight smirk appear on Gallagher's face. Maybe the South Side were apparent on him too?

"You just stop at Mickey?" He asked, _smug little bitch_  "Milkovich" he told him, playing with the new watch that was far more interesting than this joker.

"Well, nice to meet you Mickey Milkovich" he smirked again, pulling the cigarette to his lips. He exhaled and Mickey didn't look at him. He frankly didn't want to. "You sound like you're from Chicago" he pointed out. _Congratu-fucking-lations_.

"Yeah, South Side born and raised" he nodded

"I lived on Wallace Street" He smiled fondly, as if Mickey were to know who the fuck he was--but that's when it clicked. He almost laughed.

"Gallagher, like Lip right? He your brother?"

"yeah!" he smiled "you know Lip?"

"I beat him up after he fucked around my sister but yeah, we go _way_ back" The last bit was a touch sarcastic, a way he thought Ian wouldn't understand, but he did. He even laughed.

"Sounds like him. Hey, wanna grab a drink?"

Mickey raised his eyebrows

"Get to know each other" Gallagher added "Before we spend months together on Brokeback?"

"if you're payin'" Mickey told him, grabbing out a cigarette, Ian offered his lighter, stepping on his cigarette that burnt to it's core. Mickey wondered how many smokes he's wasted from talking too much before Ian escorted him to his truck. As if he had no fucking clue how to get in a truck.

The bar was only a bit down the road, but Ian wanted to park his crap-load in front just in case. Who knows in a town like this.

They stayed pretty quiet, well Mickey doesn't talk much unless he's spoken to and Ian could easily sense that. There was something about Mickey, like something really unusual. He could tell he was bitten by the South Side good. Ian got out when he got a chance, Mickey looked doomed to be here.

He ordered a second round, Mickey mainly focused on his third cigarette since they've been in this joint. Ian took a swig of the fresh cold beer, clearing his throat.

"This is my second year here" he told Mickey "Last year a storm killed 42 sheep"

That easily caught Mickey's attention, he raised an eyebrow at the Gallagher who nodded, agreeing with his shock.

"I thought I'd asphyxiate from the smell. Aguirre got all over my ass like I control the weather. But, hell, it's better than working in Chi-town putting up with my mental mom and drunk father"

Mickey nodded "yeah"

"what about your parents? you run away or?" Ian dragged, Mickey shifted, uncomfortable as he licked his bottom lip.

"uh, no. My uh, mom died about ten years ago. Dad's a dick--He made me move here with my Fiancee to live"

"Fiancee? How old are you?"

"nineteen, twenty next April" Ian nodded, shying his eyes to his drink

"She pretty?"

Mickey laughed slightly "on the Russian whore scale, yeah"

Ian furrowed his brows, looking at the Milkovich.

"It's forced--look man, bottom line is that she's pregnant. Someone's pregnant, someone gets married"

Ian's lip twitched, as if it were typical South Side "Russian though?"

"yeah, illegally" he brought his voice lower "dad sold her for 200 bucks"

"Jesus" Ian muttered, taking another swig, Mickey now putting out his burnt away smoke. For once, he wasted a cigarette.

"Yeah, going back home next Spring for the wedding. Dads planning the whole thing--How about you, got a girl?"

Ian just laughed, a bit louder than some would consider normal "no" was his reply, which made Mickey just huff, taking a swig of his drink. _Strange kid_.


	2. Chapter 2

Mickey tightened the harness on his horse, securing everything into place. So far, Brokeback just smelt like animal shit, and it was lightly pissing down rain. So far, not good.

Ian loaded his shotgun, also securing it onto the horse who seemed more rowdy than Mickey's. The horse matched his personality, Mickey thought.

The sheep herder counted each sheep, of course, to make sure that by the end of the season they had the same amount. Aguirre would definitely have Ian's ass if he were to fuck up this time.

"Don't let them stray" the herder told Mickey, who was more focused on his horse being secure. "Or I'll have your ass"

Mickey turned to him, giving him a look.

"Also, don't order soup. They're harder to pack"

"Don't like soup" he told him, turning back to his horse, testing the stirrup and saddle before getting on, settling on the horse, looking over to see Ian going all over the place with his horse that looked clearly startled. Mickey sighed, clenching his reins.

"hey! be careful, the horse has a low startle point" he called out to Gallagher who just chuckled, pulling the horse to a stop.

"Don't worry, there's no horse that can throw me--let's go, unless you want to check your saddle for a hundredth time"

_Asshole_

 

They rode the horses up the Mountain, guiding the sheep's with their dogs and whistling. Ian held the lamb on his lap whilst Mickey was smart enough to put it in a sack, tying it to the side. It made a hell of a difference. The both of them crossed rivers and heaps of trees before reaching the destination, Mickey could've kept going down to his camp, but desired to stop with Ian where he'd be sleeping every night for a smoke break, the sky was clearer now and the sheep seemed to be settling well. Ian sat on a rock beside him, lighting his own cigarette.

"Tough huh?"

Mickey glared at Ian quickly "you call this tough?"

"Maybe it was the horse" Ian retreated, exhaling smoke, Mickey laughed, inhaling his smoke. "Yeah, the horse"

"I'm going to go get some wood to chop" He told Mickey, walking away to his dumb-ass horse.

"If that makes you feel like a man, tough guy" He cheekily responded with a grin, continuing to watch the sheep, exhaling the smoke in his lungs.

"Hey! Don't leave me to do it alone" Ian whined

_Unbelievable_

Mickey bit his lip, putting out the cigarette on the rock he sat on, quickly going to his horse.

They quickly set up camp, finding rocks, getting water and cutting up wood for the fire. It took a long while, really. It was getting late when Ian finally decided that camp looked perfect, even though Mickey decided about 20 minutes ago that it was perfectly fine. Why did Gallagher care anyway? He was never going to be there.

"I gotta head up to the sheep before it gets too late"

Mickey just nodded, causing Ian to awkwardly smile, hoping for a goodbye or some shit.

But he headed up to the sheep on his horse and sat by his tent, watching the sheep as the sun finally set, inhaling another smoke deep into his lungs, the crisp, cold air made him look over to the camp, wishing he were there, by the fire and with Mickey. Ian wasn't one for loneliness like Mickey was. Ian came from a house of six. There was no way he could get used to this, especially when Mickey, his only source of entertainment was always quiet, maybe even shy. Ian couldn't make up his mind.

The next morning came slowly, Ian finally reunited with Mickey who was cooking breakfast. Ian yawned, sitting by the fire. Finally, he had some warmth.

"Shit" Ian sighed "I'm already sick of this, but this way I can get a roof over my head"

Mickey smiled slightly, looking at the sleepy Gallagher "Yeah, I'm looking for place. After me and Svetlana get married, I wanna buy a ranch, away from town, that way no one will come and rat us out. It's also quiet"

Ian huffed "You like your quiet, huh?" he smirked, putting his hat on, Mickey just shrugged as a response, leaving Ian's brows furrowing.

"I was freezing last night" he told Mickey "The no fire rule is bullshit"

"I bet"

"Aguirre is a piece of shit sometimes" he sighed, trying to make some sort of conversation, but nothing came from the Milkovich who seemed to be trying to ignore Ian. _He can't possibly be like this with everyone he knows_.

After they ate, Ian quickly got on his horse whilst Mickey cleaned up. Ian geed up the horse which only caused it to spaz out, galloping in a circle. Mickey just watched, amused.

Ian steadied the horse, feeling his heart freeze with embarrassment when he realized that Mickey was watching, galloping away. Mickey grinned slightly, that horse is sure to flip him on his ass one day.

Micky mindlessly carved into a wood piece, aiming to make a cowboy on a horse. He couldn't stop thinking about Gallagher by this point, he wouldn't stop either, especially after he promised he wouldn't care. Mickey so easily cuts off his emotions to anyone but with Gallagher, it was far different, and with the cold wind and thunder that was brewing, he couldn't help but worry what could happen to the naive boy up there higher upon Brokeback Mountain.


	3. Chapter 3

Ian spent hours the next morning contemplating about shooting sheep. He was so sick of beans, he made sure Mickey knew that, too. He was pretty stern on the 'no more beans!' rule. He didn't want to admit that they just weren't sitting well because Mickey might think it's his cooking, but it's not, it's the beans. Ian barely ate beans as a kid and now he's having them morning and night, he can't deal with it anymore. It's been four fucking days.

"Fuck it" Ian muttered, pulling out his 30-30, perching himself, aiming and shooting quickly. Maybe he should've taken his time. Because he failed miserably. He took it as a sign and put the gun away. Mickey probably would've punched his teeth out anyway, or taken the gun and done a better job. So he went back to just _watching sheep_. Bored out of his fucking mind, even the dogs were fucking bored.

It was a Friday, so Mickey had to go down to pick up the staples for the week, the sheep herder he dealt with earlier that week passed the mule over, Mickey checked the bags, making sure everything was there, he muttered under his breath, catching the guys attention.

"Something wrong?" Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose, quickly licking his lips.

"Well, uh, why...what about the powdered milk and the spuds?" he wondered

"That's all we've got"

"fuck--whatever, here's next weeks" he passed over a quick scrawled out list of things he needed.

The man grinned slightly. "I thought you didn't like soup?"

"Yeah, well" he felt himself get flustered, shifting a bit "I'm sick of beans" _no, Ian, is sick of beans_

He made sure the mule was secure, grabbing the rope

"It's too early in the season to be sick of beans"

Mickey just flashed him a look, pulling the mule up to meet up with his horse and the other mule, where he saddled up, ready to head back to camp.

But of-fucking-course, on the day he gets the fucking food and is making his way to camp and goes to cross the river, he comes across a bear. A fucking bear. He was miles away from anyone right now.

The bear let out a roar, causing Mickey's horse to be startled and he tried his hardest to force that stupid horse to stay on it's four legs but it threw Mickey off, falling off the stupid damn thing that decided to run away with the mules, and the food. Mickey quickly stood up, putting his hat back on his bleeding head. The bear roared again, Mickey grumbled, mentally sending a big fuck you to the bear. He ran after the horse and mules for what he could've sworn was his whole life, grabbing any food that fell off along the way, he had tripped and scratched some part of his body at least a few times. _Stupid fucking Gallagher hating beans, stupid fucking horse for being scared, stupid fucking mules for being mules, stupid fucking bear for scaring them and stupid fucking Svetlana for making me get this stupid-ass job._

"Get back here you fucking pieces of shit!" He kept shouting, and wouldn't stop shouting profanities till the horse finally calmed down and he could peacefully put himself, the horse and the mules back together.

He had to rush back to camp now, the sky was darkening and he was a mix of hungry and angry.

By the time he got back, Ian was worriedly, maybe angrily downing whiskey. I mean, why wouldn't he? He spent hours sitting there wondering where Mickey was, he could be dead for all he knows and all he has is fucking _beans_.

That was when he heard the rustling of trees, looking over to find Mickey finally back to camp with the horse, mules on tail.

"fucking bastards" Mickey muttered as he hopped off, tying them up, Ian looked over at him and stood up, now he was just pissed.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been with sheep all fucking day and I just wanted to come back to a nice meal and all I could find was beans!" Ian whined, Mickey rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Fuck you and your beans" he muttered under his breath, sighing as he sat by the fire.

That's when Ian noticed the blood dried up on Mickey's face. All he felt now was guilt, he swallowed hard, walking over to his side.

"What the hell happened, Mick?" He asked, genuinely worried. Mickey was kinda startled by the sudden use of his nickname.

"fuckin' bear, scared the horse--she threw me off and took off with the mules and now we're fucked for food, basically all we got is beans" Mickey replied, taking off his hat, resting it on his knee.

Now that the anger was burning off, his head was hurting, painfully. He hadn't felt that pain in a long time. Ian was annoyed about the beans, but offered support instead--passing his canteen to Mickey who lightly shook his head.

"You got whiskey or somethin'?"

"yeah, here" Ian smiled, softly, grabbing the bottle he had, it still had a decent amount left.

Mickey took it, shaking his head again as he took a swig, feeling that raw tingle down his throat. Ian grabbing his handkerchief dipping it into the water he had boiling quickly, wringing it out.

"come here..." Ian breathed softly, looking at it carefully, pressing the warm handkerchief to his temple, Mickey quickly jolted, snatching it off him, the careful way Ian spoke sparked something in Mickey but he ignorantly pushed it away. He could take care of himself. He pressed it to his head, taking another swig, passing it to Ian who happily took it, having a swig.

"Sorry I was such an ass about the beans"

"Yeah, don't worry about it--Shit, we gotta do something about the food situation"

Ian shifted his eyes, sitting next to Mickey on the log. "Well, maybe we can shoot one of the sheep"

Mickey raised his eyebrows at Gallagher "Yeah? And what, have Aguirre find out? We're supposed to guard the sheep not fucking eat them"

"What's wrong with you? There's thousands of them. One won't _really_ make a difference" Ian tried his hardest to manipulate Mickey into thinking it was a good idea, but it wasn't happening.

"I'd rather stick with beans--and don't throw a fucking tantrum because you don't like beans!" he shouted before Gallagher could say a word. Ian grumbled, pouting slightly. He was so sick of beans.

* * *

 

 "C'mon Mick, we can shoot a deer, we don't have to guard them" Ian told the older boy, passing him the gun.

"Why can't you shoot it?"

Ian hesitated slightly "I suck at hunting"

"Did you try and kill a _fucking_ sheep?" Mickey stared angrily

"Yesterday" Ian smiled as if he were innocent. Mickey rolled his eyes, grabbing the gun.

"Don't do that without asking, okay?"

"Why not?"

"I'm older" Mickey stated, lining up his aim.

"By like a year, sweetie, don't get all high and mighty about it." Ian smugly replied. Mickey felt like punching him again

"Piece of shit" he muttered, pulling the trigger for an easy shot, shooting the deer down.

Ian started laughing with joy "Yes! woo!" He laughed and cheered, shoving Mickey who exhaled, grumpy. Spoiled piece of shit is so happy because he wont have to live off fucking beans.

"I only got it because I'm sick of your goddamn missing" Mickey shoved back, pushing Ian down who just chuckled, as the days were passing, Mickey was opening up more, which Ian enjoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

Ian pulled up on his horse, he seemed frustrated again, Mickey ignored it, cooking up more of the leftover deer.

"I'm sick of going back and forth to sheep" he began to complain, Mickey watched the Gallagher tie the horse's reins "I get breakfast, go to sheep, get them bedded down, come in for supper, go back to the sheep, look out for damn coyotes" he continued to whine, Mickey sighed, watching as he came over, slamming gun down.

"Aguirre has no right making me do this shit"

Mickey mentally laughed, because Ian was doing exactly what he signed up for.

"Do you wanna swap?" Mickey offered "I wouldn't mind it and I wouldn't mind a day without you whining like a bitch about it"

"That's not what I mean! We both have to be here, pup tent smells like cat piss and it's too cold up there"

_You're still whining_

Ian knew that's what Mickey was probably thinking, but the fact was that he wanted to spend more time around Mickey and that he was lonely--He couldn't lie, he did like Mickey, he acknowledged it, he acknowledged that he liked men more (okay, far more) than women, and he has had boyfriends before, but he was still so confused as to what Mickey was. He wasn't going to jump at anything if he didn't seem interested, but some days he really seems to be, unless it's just his mind fucking with him.

"I wouldn't mind it up there" he repeated, causing Ian to internally frown. Hesitating, he just went with it.

"Well, I wouldn't mind it...just so you know, I can't cook for shit"

"yeah, you can't shoot for shit either" he smirked at the boy who's green eyes seemed fixated on him now.

Mickey cleared his throat.

"I'm good at other stuff" Ian smirked back

"I'm going to hold that against you because so far, I haven't seen anything that surprised me"

"You're a dick" Ian started laughing, Mickey laughing with him.

Mickey ate fairly quickly, lighting a cigarette to smoke whilst he multi-tasked, putting his horse together for something he thought was better than getting food from a Mexican and running into a goddamn bear. He buckled the saddle tight, exhaling the smoke through his nose as he pulled the cigarette from his lips, getting onto his horse. Ian was disappointed Mickey didn't get his hint, but he guessed they had swapped now, and he guessed he had to cook.

"You're not going to sleep very much" He warned Mickey who gripped onto the reins, cigarette puffing smoke from his mouth.

"Okay, whatever you say firecrotch" Mickey replied simply, giddying the horse up to where the sheep were. Ian crossed his arms, kicking some dirt as he watch his new found crush gallop away.

* * *

 

Ian sat with a smoke in mouth, peeling away at potatoes when Mickey showed up, getting off his horse. He already seemed happier, he wasn't just a housewife, after all.

"I shot a coyote. He was a massive fucker" he told Ian, kicking off his shoes.

"well aren't you lucky" he smiled, exhaling the smoke as he withdrew his cigarette, trying to focus on the potatoes. Mickey was casually getting naked so he could wash up. Ian had butterflies rocketing up him, he had to breathe deeply to relax himself. Just from the corner of his eye, Mickey looked beautiful.

_It was just a crush_ , he'd remind himself. _Just a crush_.

* * *

 

Mickey actually seemed satisfied with the food Ian cooked, which came as a surprise since Mickey was the most critical person he had ever met. Once he finished, he sighed in defeat, relaxing against the log.

"So, do you talk to your siblings? You never talk about them" Mickey randomly asked, Ian looked up at him, shrugging.

"I don't really ask about yours?"

"my family is a shit show that's why"

"hm" Ian shrugged, grabbing the new bottle of whiskey, taking a long gulp.

"Not much to say, though" he continued "honestly, Debbie, Carl, Liam, they call whenever and Fiona and Lip are always sending me post cards like I'm going to die tomorrow" Ian laughed "I miss them sometimes"

Mickey smiled slightly "Frank still a shithead?"

"Frank will never not be a shithead" They both laughed, Mickey sighed again, biting his lip before reaching out for the whiskey. Ian passed it over.

"So, if your family is a shit show, who looked after you?"

Mickey took a swig, exhaling "looked after myself, mostly. I had two older brothers who had their own shit, I brought up my younger sister, Mandy" he shrugged

"I think I remember Mandy" Ian smiled "she was in my class"

"everyone usually knows Mandy, or has slept with her" he huffed, drinking again. Ian chuckled softly.

"Don't worry, I didn't fuck your sister"

"Your brother did" he pointed out, causing Ian to lick his lips. _Dammit_.

"eh, but things are good. Mum left nothing for us, or dad used whatever we had. He did a lot of bad shit by me and Mands, I uh, remember when I noticed my dad wasn't who I thought he was, and that's when Svetlana got involved and I got away. I'm only thankful for her in that way" Mickey rambled, downing more whiskey. He had rarely spoken out loud to anyone about anything in his life. But he trusted Gallagher.

Ian held a smug smirk, causing Mickey to become flustered.

"What?"

"Mick, that's more words than I've heard you speak in the past two weeks"

Mickey smiled slightly to himself "Hell, it's the most I've said in a year"

The boys spent hours talking about interests, how they wound up in Texas. Ian told him about how he ran away because he thought the army would get him, but now he's just contemplating going back when he gets off this mountain, Mickey even said he could head back up with him, seeing as he had to get married once he got back.

They traded the whiskey back and forth, Mickey just laying against a log, feeling the tingle of it run through his body. He was for sure out of it by now and it was going dark, the slurred mind of Mickey Milkovich's finally kicked.

"Shit!" he sat up "I-I gotta get back to the sheep and get m-...gun" He tried to stand, Gallagher drunkingly laughed at his behavior as he tumbled.

"Y-You know--" he held back a burp "They're...they're probably fine. I'll just" he cleared his throat, laying back against the log, Ian standing up

"I'll just sleep here. Leave the second the sun comes" he sighed, tipping his hat to cover his eyes. Ian chuckled.

"You really want to sleep out here? You're probably better off in the tent" He sent another hint that couldn't phase Mickey's drunk mind.

"Just get me a blanket"

Ian nodded, grabbing the spare one from the tent and throwing it on him. He could swear Mickey was already asleep by the point. His drunk eyes quickly admired Mickey, smiling softly "Yeah...alright" he whispered, heading into his tent.

He found it hard to sleep, he usually did after he got drunk. The heart burn it caused made it hard and he was getting annoyed because he could hear Mickey shivering from outside. He should've just come into the tent. Ian wouldn't do anything purposefully, Mickey seemed jittery in that way.

Groaning, Ian undid the tent, sticking his head out.

"Jesus Christ, Mick. Just get in here." He called out, Mickey stood up with his blanket, quickly running to the tent.

Ian rolled on to his side, moving over as the teeth-chattering Mickey shivered, laying down next to Ian, pulling not only Ian's blankets onto him, but the one he had outside.

Mickey began to warm really quickly, settled, he even got closer to Ian. Survival 101: keep close to share warmth. Mickey didn't actually realize till this point how nice Ian smelt, how is it possible to feel yourself be turned on by the scent of someone? Let alone, a man.

Ian smirked, feeling like maybe this was how it was supposed to happen, Mickey was gaining a hard on that pressed to Ian's thigh. Ian just gently grabbed his hand, Mickey froze, letting Ian pull him even closer, wrapping his freezing arm around him.

The shaky nervous breaths from both boys is which signaled they were both conscious, sober, and had butterflies going crazy inside of them.

But the second Ian made Mickey grab onto Ian's hard on, he jolted back, sitting up, remembering his past.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Ian mumbled, sitting up with him, Mickey took a deep breath, the both of them staring at each other, lustfully.

_It's only you two_ , Mickey told himself. _It'll only be between you two and Brokeback Mountain. Your dad will never know_.

_So fuck it_

Ian pulled his jacket off, smirking softly as if to promise Mickey it'll be okay, he leaned forward, trying to kiss Mickey who quickly held him back. Ian pressed his head to Mickey's, their breaths sharing the same rhythm, Mickey shook his head, avoiding the way Ian made his heart pound, moving his hands to unzip Ian's jeans. He didn't fucking do _kissing_. Ian finally understood what Mickey wanted, pushing Mickey down on all fours, quickly ramming Mickey's pants down, pulling his length out.

Mickey waited patiently, not really, that was a lie. He was trying though. Ian spat on his hand, using it as lube before thrusting into Mickey who quickly grunted, pushing his head into his forearm. Holy fuck Ian was bigger than he thought.

Ian thrust hard, causing Mickey to hit the ground as the pleasure built fast.

"f-fuck" Ian muttered, trying to work with his tightness.

Mickey couldn't stop grunting in time with each thrust that slowly became more even. He wrapped his hand around his length, pumping fast as his other hand clenched around a blanket, squeezing it as he felt himself come close so much faster than he hoped. Ian grunted, both boys panting as he gripped onto Mickey's jacket, thrusting hard once more as he came inside the Milkovich, Mickey close behind by a second.

Ian pulled out, laying down next to Mickey who turned over, not saying a word. As much as they didn't want to admit, they both had the best sleep they have had in a long time since they've been here.


	5. Chapter 5

Mickey was the first one to wake up

And the first to remember what the _fuck_ happened last night.

He sat up with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wasn't sure if he regretted it, but he knew for damn sure that he didn't _not_ like it. His sleepy blue eyes dragged themselves to admire the sleeping redhead, he quickly licked his lips. How was he even supposed to deal with this without it being awkward?

Pulling up his pants, he got out of the tent, deciding that he can make breakfast, cooking up probably the best beans and eggs he had in a while. No offense to Gallagher.

He made sure he was ready pretty quickly too. He was trying to avoid one-on-one interaction, he knew he couldn't _really_ avoid it, but he didn't want to deal with it first thing in the morning.

So he loaded his gun, putting it in it's holder when he heard Ian yawn, approaching from the tent. Mickey quickly got on his horse, Ian coming straight towards him.

"I guess I'll see you at supper?"

Mickey took a glance at the redhead, trying to erase why he likes him so much now and took off, leaving Ian feeling rejected, as if Mickey did regret it.

Mickey didn't regret it, he was trying to forget it. This was his job, he should focus, not sleep with his fucking camping buddy. He could honestly go for a smoke, but he ran out after last night. He was the biggest chain-smoker when drunk.

He caught up to the herd, hearing one of the dogs whimper in the distance.

"Shit" Mickey cursed under his breath, galloping to follow the sound.

Now he regretted sleeping with Ian and getting drunk.

The coyotes that he had became so good at hunting, had finally come and killed a sheep. Aguirre was sure to have his ass now.

As the day dragged on, and he was about to make his way back to camp, his heart stopped at the sight of the redhead resting on the cold green grass, watching the sheep. As if he forgot that were Mickey's job now.

Mickey wanted to ignore him and just run away, but instead, he was moving towards him, like a magnet that took a hard force to push them away. Ian seemed to ignore that Mickey was by his side. Mickey cleared his throat, crouching down to get on his level, chewing his bottom lip to just figure out what to say.

What could he say? he hasn't spoken about anything like his sex life properly, ever.

So he let his guard down for this moment and just let his mouth speak.

"This is a one shot thing we got going here" Mickey told Ian softly, who caught his eye.

Ian stared at Mickey

"It's nobody's business but ours, okay?" Mickey told him more forcefully, Ian nodded, wondering if Mickey really wanted to keep going like this.

"I-I'm not a fag" Mickey told Ian who scoffed softly, looking up at the sky. _That's not what last night told him._

"And if you dare say I am I'll bash your fucking head in" Mickey threatened, Ian looked at Mickey in a testing way.

"No worries"

Mickey nodded, licking his lip. That was easier than he thought, he simply got up and said "Get your ass back to camp, I'm starving"

 

It was quiet for the rest of the night, even for Mickey, quiet. Ian was still unsure as to what Mickey wanted and Mickey couldn't stop thinking about hot sex with Ian, wondering if even Ian would want that again.

Mickey watched Ian lay down shirtless in the tent, the fire Micky was sitting around brought a nice glow onto the Gallagher's face. Mickey knew now that there was no way of turning back now, not till he got off this mountain. He got up, slowly pacing to the tent, he caught Ian's green eyes with him as he made his way inside, sitting besides Ian who just stared at him in such a way Mickey could stop breathing and Ian would just _breathe_ for him.

Ian sat up with a grin, pulling off Mickey's hat, throwing it like it was a goddamn Frisbee, Mickey quickly licked his lip anxiously, Gallagher's fingers slowly dragging their way through Mickey's raven black hair.

His fingers looped around Mickey's nape, leaning forward, Mickey twitched a bit, unable to avoid this, Ian wanted to kiss him, and Mickey couldn't resist the temptation inside him that wanted the same thing.

Ian pressed his lips carefully to Mickey's, causing Mickey to exhale, running his own fingers through his vibrantly red hair, he kissed back slowly, feeling Ian's grin on his lips.

"I swear..." Ian whispered, nodding "I swear, I swear..." He said it as if he knew what Mickey was thinking. _Promise this stays between us_.

Mickey quickly pressed his lips back to Gallagher's. It was like a new found drug to him, the adrenaline, the butterflies, the danger. They continued to kiss, lips softly pressing in a perfect motion. Ian lay back down, Mickey climbing on top of him, continuing the kiss.

Ian pressed the kiss harder, rolling the shorter boy onto his back, his fingers quickly unbuttoning Mickey's shirt. Mickey groaned lightly, he didn't want slow, he wanted Ian inside of him. Pronto.

He unbuckled his belt, his lips slamming against Ian's harder which threw him aback with a moan, undoing his jeans as quickly as he possibly could.

"Did you wanna roll over?" Ian whispered once Mickey successfully pushed his pants down, spreading his legs.

"Just shut up and get on me" Mickey muttered in annoyance. He honestly just wanted to keep kissing Gallagher.

Ian chuckled, spitting on his hand to lubricate his dick before pushing into Mickey who instantly threw his head back with a moan. Ian smirked, enjoying the look of Mickey as he pleased him. Their lips slammed back together passionately, they both moaned from how hard they were moving together, their tongues softly tasting each other as the pressure built and built. The way Ian moved his hips for Mickey was superb, it sent Mickey flying. Pulling his face back to breathe heavily, Ian latched his lips onto Mickey's pale white skin, thrusting faster till he was panting and Mickey was whimpering because god damn. Ian was amazing.

Mickey rolled Ian over so he was on top, he pinned the Gallagher's hands above his head, riding him slowly, leaving that slow, agonizing pleasure burn through the both of them. He pressed his lips to Ian's, clenching his eyes when Ian bucked his hips. Begging for release.

Leaning over Ian, he moved his hips in a circle, letting Ian work his way in and out of him. Mickey kept his head pressed into Gallagher's sweaty neck, the pleasure building and building, he grabbed Ian's hand, shoving it to his length where he immediately pumped Mickey.

The two of them breathed the same breaths, their lips lazily meeting and pulling away, panting, moaning and whimpering and in moments, Mickey came fast, followed by one more thrust from Ian that caused him to come inside Mickey.

They both chuckled, Mickey sighing as Gallagher pulled out of him, resting his head softly on his chest. That was definitely better than last night.


	6. Chapter 6

After sleeping together, it became a regular thing. Breakfast, fuck, go to the sheep, come back just before supper, fuck, eat, fuck again, chill by the fire then fuck again before going to sleep and Mickey would go out to the sheep and sleep there.

Mickey honestly hadn't been this happy in a long time, so long he can't even remember when he was this happy. He knows it'll be over soon and he'll be miserable when everything crashes down but for now, he enjoyed his time with Gallagher. He even enjoyed untangling his sheep from the Chilean sheep all because Gallagher was there to be some optimism to the situation.

He finished his can of beans by the fire whilst Ian just wondered around camp shirtless. Gallagher was acting so much more laid back, which Mickey couldn't find possible. Ever since they started doing stuff, it just got so much more home-like, rather than a job.

"Hey cowboy" Ian chuckled, pulling Mickey's hat off his head. Mickey quickly stood up in protest, trying to snatch the hat back.

"Hey! No messing around, you got shit to do" Mickey told him, more using it as an excuse to get his hat back.

"You sure?" Ian smirked, waggling the hat in front of Mickey, instantly running away the second Mickey tried to grab the hat back.

He raced after Ian, smiling as he caught up, wrapping his arms around the taller boys waist, tripping him to the ground. Ian breathlessly laughed with Mickey, trying to squirm away, Mickey instantly turned him over, pinning him down. Ian felt his breath somehow shorten more as he looked up in Mickey's bright blue eyes.

"Don't test me, Gallagher" Mickey smirked, grabbing the hat and putting it on his head. The flirty tone put Ian's heart in knots.

Ian grabbed Mickey's face the second his hands were free. The boys shared a kiss before Mickey stood up, he thought he could be sick from how much he _liked_ Gallagher.

"I'll see you tonight?" Ian asked as he stood back up, Mickey nodded.

"right on time"

Ian smiled, Mickey chewed on his bottom lip, wondering if he should say anything, but he didn't. He turned away and got on his horse, going back to do what he always does.

Ian watched Mickey gallop away and sighed, grabbing his dry shirt and putting it on. He supposed he was meant to just chop wood and wash clothes till Mickey got back.

 

He balanced the small log on the stump and started hacking away, cutting most logs perfectly, each one he failed he could almost hear Mickey's voice saying that he did a shit job.

A rustling from the trees excited Ian, thinking that Mickey was back but came to shock, or more so, disappointment to find Aguirre coming up on his horse.

"Aguirre?" he questioned

"Gallagher" he responded "Your father Frank is in hospital with severe liver damage, docs don't expect he'll make it"

Ian nodded, he didn't really understand, and he wasn't sure if he gave a shit, either.

"Your sister told me to tell you so...here I am"

Ian crossed his arms "well it sucks but what can I do if I'm here?"

He watched as Aguirre looked up at the hill which Mickey was on "not much you could do if you were there either. Not unless you could magically give someone your liver"

He looked quickly to where Mickey was then looked back at Aguirre. He looked somewhat on edge, he couldn't quite pick why.

Aguirre just glanced at Ian before turning away and leaving with the horse. He was sick of people doing that to him. After finding out Frank was dying, he figured he should definitely visit his family once he got off this mountain. Not to see Frank, but to see his family.

He missed his siblings more than anything, honestly. He missed Lip's smart ass remarks, he missed Carl's spontaneous behavior, he missed Debbie's wit and how much she cared and he misses Fiona's motherly traits. He missed the South Side.

 

Mickey came back just before the storm, they both stayed in the tent, waiting for it to blow over. Ian looked at Mickey who just huddled himself up, staring out into the hailing sky.

"Aguirre stopped by today" he told Mickey who shot his eyes quickly to him with a face of worry, what if he saw them?

"He told me Frank was dying"

"oh" Mickey nodded, in relief "what from? bullet to the chest or-"

"Liver damage" Mickey laughed carelessly

"that'll do it"

Ian rested his head on Mickey's shoulder "I miss home"

Mickey froze for a moment, but soon ran his fingers through the back of Ian's hair, pressing his nose into his hair and just  _inhaling_  him. He knew what he called home would never be home for Mickey again, but Ian was as close he would get.

 

Mickey woke up a few hours before sunrise, Ian burrowed into his side, keeping warm. Mickey sat up carefully and sighed, running his fingers softly through the ginger hair. Time to head out to the sheep.

Mickey was lucky this time when he chanced sleeping in Ian's tent. No sheep were missing and hell, Ian wasn't going to let Mickey stay with the sheep in a storm that bad, the mountain was basically covered with snow when he reached it. It had to be like, ten degrees colder up here then down there.

When Ian woke up, though, he woke up abruptly to Aguirre poking him. He groaned and sat up.

"Aguirre?" He croaked in confusion, rubbing his eyes

"Your dads not going to die after all, Gallagher" he told him, and it didn't surprise him at all because Frank was like a cockroach. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Gonna need you kids to get your ass back down" he continued "Storms really brewing this season, next one will be worse than this one"

Ian quickly nodded "okay"

"I'll be down with the Shepherds to count the sheep. Better have no losses"

"There shouldn't be" He replied stubbornly, causing Aguirre to look completely done with his shit.

"see you, Gallagher" he told him before taking off.

Ian rubbed his face and got out of the tent.

Shit, Mickey wasn't going to like this.

Not that Ian did either, but he had someone to go back to, Mickey had a girlfriend and probably a baby by now. Ian tried not to wonder how that story evolved, Mickey said it was forced. Ian wondered if it was forced marriage, forced pregnancy, or forced relationship...or all of the above.

Ian didn't even start cooking breakfast and just started taking town the tent, hearing Mickey's horse approaching from behind. He quickly rolled up the thick fabric, Mickey muttering from behind him.

"The fuck you doin'?" he asked in confusion, Ian sighed and looked over at him.

"Aguirre came by again, said Frank isn't dead after all--We gotta pack up camp"

"w-why?" Mickey suddenly became defensive "what for?"

Ian bit his lip hesitantly and shrugged "something about another storm coming, worse than last nights"

"fuck" Mickey muttered before huffing an angry laugh "So, what? he's cutting half our pay? that's not fucking right!" he yelled, Ian sighed, looking at the frustrated Milkovich.

"Mick"

"shit" Mickey muttered, kicking a small pile of snow that remained.

"Mickey!" Ian called out, Mickey began to walk away from camp, Ian followed him as he charged down the hill. Mickey was mad, of course. He was mad because he was getting cut back half his pay, he was mad because he wasn't going to be with Ian and he was mad he had to go home to Svetlana and to a dad who'd cut his balls off if he knew he had feelings for another male. 

He froze himself, trying to breathe, compose himself because _what the fuck_ , this isn't right.

He heard Ian come up behind him, he turned around and Gallagher threw a lasso, making Mickey flinch as it caught him. Ian pulled him close.

"Time to go" he told Mickey who sighed, licking his lips, pulling the lasso off him.

Mickey started to walk away till the stupid lasso caught onto his foot. Ian pulled at it, tripping Mickey over, Ian jumped on Mickey with a chuckle, the both of them playfully pushing and shoving. Mickey tumbled his way back to a standing position, Ian went to grab his head and accidentally felt an impact upon his knuckles.

_shit_

Mickey tumbled back a bit more, laughing softly as he wiped his bloody nose on is white button-up.

"Mick" Ian spoke with worry, walking towards him "Mickey" he mumbled, grabbing Mickey's arm.

"I'm sorry" he told him "It's alright, come here..." he tried pulling Mickey close.

Mickey raised his eyebrows up high, lifting his fist to hit Gallagher perfectly in the eye.

"Shit, Mickey!" He cried, stumbling back to cover his eye. Mickey picked up his hat, putting it on as he walked away.

Fuck Ian, fuck it all.


	7. Chapter 7

The way back down to the bottom of the mountain was definitely quiet and tension-filled. Aguirre looked at them differently to when they went up there. Hell, he was actually looking at them. Mickey wasn't sure if he had caught on to something or if he was just imagining things.

The herders counted the sheep in the light rain, the boys smoking their first cigarette in what felt like years.

"some of these never went up with you" Aguirre commented, un-pleased.

Mickey exhaled smoke through his nose. Fucking Chilean sheep.

"Count ain't what I'd hope for either, you ranch stiffs, you ain't ever good" Aguirre continued, Mickey gave him a daring look, Ian just looked down, exhaling the smoke in his lungs.

 

Once they got back to Aguirre's office, Mickey finally calmed down somewhat, he felt more sick now and not food poisoning sick but emotionally unwell, nauseous and anxious.

Mickey helped Ian's busted up truck roar back to life, breathing deeply as he slammed the hood.

He picked up his bag, searching though it, suddenly pissed at himself as Ian got out of the truck.

"Can't believe I left my fucking white shirt up there" he muttered, referencing the shirt he got blood on before they left.

"yeah" Ian breathed, clearing his throat "so, you thinking 'bout coming up next season?"

Mickey hesitated "I-...maybe not" he honestly told him "I'm getting married, man. I'm going to buy a ranch around here or somethin'"

Ian nodded "Did you want to come with me back to South Side?"

Mickey shook his head "Nah, I gotta catch up with Svetlana, go with her up there. Dad'll be proud to see that we haven't ripped each other's hearts out yet"

Ian smiled sadly, remembering once again that Mickey was going to so easily move on from this.

"and you? What're you going to do now?" Mickey asked, Ian looked in the shorter mans eyes with a shrug.

"Dunno. Go back home, get a job to help out the family...I might be back and get a place if the army don't get me" he smiled at Mickey, hopeful, but the man just looked down.

"Yeah. Guess I'll see you 'round then" Mickey nodded, meeting his eyes again.

Ian smiled slightly "yeah" he slid back into his truck.

Mickey instantly began walking away, waving at Ian quickly as he took off, driving down the road.

He watched Ian Gallagher drive away, feeling that anger come back, that anger he always had held in him, build up, tearing away at his gut and his chest. He sniffed, composing himself as he walked further down the street, heading back home.

But he couldn't, he felt repulsed by his own self-worth, he casually turned down an alleyway taking his hat off, coughing, leaning down, his head against the brick wall. He kept coughing, trying to gag himself from coughing so much. He grunted at the pain wrenching inside of him.

_Come on faggot, you can't even make yourself throw up. You're pathetic._

He yelled incoherently, punching the wall, feeling the skin on his knuckles burn as he broke.

He forgot how broken he was. Covering his face with his hat, he let out a dry sob, letting himself collapse. He was a mess. Every bit of him craved Gallagher, not Svetlana. He never wanted Svetlana, now he's stuck with her, or he'll be a wanted man, dead or alive.

Mickey quieted down as he heard steps approaching, he looked up at the tall man who stared at him strangely.

"What the fuck are you looking at!" he yelled, the man grinned.

"Fuck off before I put a bullet in your fucking spine!" he threatened. The man shook his head, walking off. Mickey sighed, resting his head against the wall.

He was fucked for life.


	8. Chapter 8

"-And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us"

Mickey stood next to Svetlana at the chapel, the whole room speaking with the father.

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil-"

It was the one day he never wanted to come, but it was here, getting married in an over sized suit in a room filled with Russian whores, drunks and his family, plus a newborn son he never wanted.

"For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen"

Mickey had cold feet before, but now they were frozen. If he ran out, a gun would be held to his head. He couldn't test that. The father spoke alone

"Under the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride"

Mickey shifted slightly, turning to the Russian woman who held a soft smile.

"And if you don't, I will" He told Mickey

 _You fucking better_ , Mickey thought with a sigh, grabbing Svetlana's hand as they kissed softly.

Everyone cheered as if this wasn't the worst thing in the fucking world.

"I'm proud of you, boy" His father told him, slapping him a pat on the back. Mickey jolted, smiling nervously.

"Thanks dad"

"Now you go make me some more grand-kids" he laughed obnoxiously as they made their way out of the chapel.

Svetlana kissed their son, Yevgeny, who was in the arms of a drunk Russian goodbye, Mickey thought it was a stupid name, but it came out of her, so she can name him. He was undecided on whether or not he liked the kid, too. He did want to, it was just difficult, after what happened for him to even exist.

 

Their 'honeymoon' was just going back to where Mickey grew up, only a street over from Wallace Street. He was left wondering if Gallagher was there, and wondered if he should risk it. Not tonight, he chose.

Mickey led Svetlana into his bedroom which now had a double bed for him and his wife for whenever they visited. Mickey honestly never wanted to come back to this place after tonight.

"Ranch is nice?" Svetlana's heavy accent asked as she kicked off her shoes.

"Dad chose it" Mickey mumbled, undoing his tie. Svetlana came over, her dead green eyes looked in Mickey's as she removed the tie. He wished he was looking in more lively green eyes at this moment.

"Why Wyoming?" She wondered "Why no Chicago. Big city, more people?" she threw his tie, beginning to undo his button-up shirt.

"I don't fucking know. It's quiet and away from all this bullshit"

"hm" She bit her pink lips, pulling Mickey's blazer over his shoulders.

"Well tonight, the bullshit is all still here. You live to please daddy, yes?" She smirked at the Milkovich who stared at her with a daring look, flashbacks to the last time they fucked shook his mind.

"Get your fucking clothes off" he scowled and she immediately obeyed.

Hell, it was her fucking job to.

* * *

 

9 months later, Ian decided to show up at Aguirre's office. He honestly hadn't left the state of Texas, he needed more money than what he had at the time. So he heaps of small jobs and slept at a local Motel that just stretched his budget.

He knocked on Aguirre's door, feeling almost nervous, but that job was the best thing he ever had, and he still felt hopeful in the fact that Mickey could come back.

"Come in" the gruff voice told him. Ian took a deep breath, walking in.

Aguirre's face instantly dropped as he saw the Gallagher

"Well look at what the cat dragged in"

"Hey Mister Aguirre" Ian smiled softly at the man who chewed on a toothpick, making it look like he was even more annoyed at his presence.

"I was wondering if you'd be needing any help next summer?"

Aguirre instantly huffed, leaning over his desk to stare Ian right in the eyes.

"You're wastin' your time here, kid."

"What? You got nothing for me?"

"I got nothing for you"

Ian was taken a bit aback and just nodded, about to walk out.

But he didn't want to leave till the question left his tongue.

"Hey" he turned back to Aguirre who was picking up the newspaper on his desk

"Mickey Milkovich hasn't been around has he?"

He chewed on his toothpick, unamused.

"You boys sure found a way to make time pass up there"

Ian froze, mouth almost gaping open. _he knew_.

"Gallagher" he looked in his direction "you weren't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysit the sheep whilst you stem the rose"

_Fuck_

"now get the hell out of my trailer"

Ian didn't say anything and just walked out.

 _Shit_ , Mickey would kill him if he knew they were caught.


	9. Chapter 9

Mickey pulled up to his ranch hour out of town, getting out of his new (second hand) faded black truck that reminded him too much of Ian, but Svetlana liked it.

He walked inside to the sound of screaming kids, shrugging out of his coat and taking his hat off.

His wife worked hard over the dishes. She muttered Russian profanities, turning to her husband.

"Hello" she smiled, leaning towards him. He quickly kissed her, walking towards the kids room.

"Anastasiya's nose won't stop running, it keeping Yevgeny up" she told him. He sighed as he closed the door behind him. Yevgeny sat up in his bed pouting, Mickey's nose instantly turned up. He didn't smell or anything, he was just trying to get over his internalized trauma.

"Hey" he acted friendly, picking up his son, shushing and bouncing him on one arm as he leaned over Anastasiya's cot, putting Yevgeny in there with her. He picked his 4 month old daughter, rocking her softly. He wasn't one to pick favorite's, because really, both kids were equally great and equally annoying.

"Ana, I'm going to need you to be quiet for dad and Yevgeny can you do that?" he asked his daughter, looking at his son who sat in the cot on the verge of tears, overtired from Ana's crying.

It took a while, sure, but he eventually got the kid to sleep, placing her in her cot then picking up Yev, laying him up in his bed. He rubbed his eyes.

"good, get some rest. You get tired after a day of shitting your pants" he muttered, patting the kids white blond head.

He wished he could love his son the way he probably deserved, but that was a mental incapability. It just wasn't going to happen.

* * *

 

Ian spent the next winter doing a 17 hour trip to the South Side Chicago, he finally gathered enough money to go help them out a bit.

He wondered most of the way if Mickey still thought of him, if he was in South Side or somewhere else, living in a ranch with a wife and kids. He figured it was the latter, but he tried not to think about it.

He arrived by the early morning, sleepy and probably close to passing out, but he made it.

Stepping out of the truck, he smiled at the smell of the air. It was typically a shitty smell, but it was home. Pulling his bag out of the car, he slammed the door and made his way up the pavement and steps to the light blue and white painted house, knocking softly on the front door.

The door swung open to reveal a shocked Fiona, her hair tied up high.

"No way!" she laughed, wrapping her arms right around her brothers neck.

Ian chuckled, happy by her embrace, squeezing her tight.

She pulled away and slapped his chest "You're a piece of shit! Not one call?"

"I sent postcards!" Ian defended himself, walking in, Fiona closed the door as she spoke from behind him.

"Yeah, nice detail 'miss you guys, having fun"

Ian looked around the place and it was still the same as it was, wallpaper fresh, so clean and tidy, the same first radio they got sitting over the fireplace.

"I didn't want you to worry"

"well I worried more, asshole" she told him, walking through to the kitchen "Hungry?" she asked, he shook his head.

"nah, more tired. I just drove 17 hours"

He sat at the dining table, his siblings came charging downstairs seconds later.

"Ian!" Debbie smiled, Ian got up so he could squeeze her. She had the most gorgeous long red hair, tied back with a bow. He then continued to hug Carl and Liam. Lip followed down the stairs moments later, carrying a smile.

"Ian, you're home!" He laughed, they embraced in a friendly hug.

"How was Texas?" he asked, Ian shrugged

"It was Texas, lots of cowboys and hats"

"You wore a hat?" Carl asked with his brows raised, Ian nodded

"You had to, or they'd sacrifice you to the local rednecks" he joked, acting dead serious, Carl stared at him worriedly.

"Why'd you go there in the first place?"

"Needed to get away, make some money. I missed you guys though" he smiled, scuffing up his brothers hair who quickly slapped him away.

"Well, we're glad you're home, Ian" Fiona told him, passing him a cup of coffee. Exactly what he needed.

* * *

 

After a long day of doing his job, building roads for his town, Mickey settled onto his bed with a yawn, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was exhausted, in all terms of the word.

He treated marriage life the way a man should. He should love his wife, job and children. He did, or he faked it pretty well. He was worried that Svetlana was actually falling for him, thought that they were _actually_ a thing when in Mickey's mind she was just another screw, another bump in the road, as for the kids, he cared about them, but not enough to love them.

"they asleep?" Svetlana asked, crawling onto the bed, Mickey nodded.

"Fuck, yeah, they're out like a light"

"Good" she continued to whisper, running her hands over his shoulder blades.

"You're very tense" she told him and he sighed. He fucking knew that.

"hm" was all he replied, feeling her hands run lower, her body pressing up against his back, her hand running up his chest.

He couldn't help but close his eyes and sigh.

"can we move to town? I'm tired of lonely ranches" she breathed in his ear "no one around for Yevgeny to play with and what if they get sick? It's such a long way"

Mickey let out another sigh, a more frustrated sigh, relaxing his head on hers, her hair smelt of cheap perfume and cigarettes.

"Rent in town in too fuckin' high"

She planted a soft kiss on Mickey's neck, running her hand lower

"there a cheap place over laundromat in Riverton. I could fix up nicely" her thick accent dragged over his skin, making him shiver as if she were a snake in his sheets.

"I bet you could fix this place up real nice too" Mickey muttered

"Mickey" her voice became stern

"hm?"

"I know you like it. Not lonely, unlike how you raised" Mickey looked down, biting his lip quickly before looking at her. Lustful, green eyes stared up into his. He pressed his lips to hers, Svetlana instantly got on his lap, her fingers gripping onto her husbands black hair.

"not so lonely now, is it?" he mumbled against her lips, she sighed as he rolled her onto her back for a second, grabbing her wherever she liked it, their lips pressing harder. She let out a moan. It took a while for Mickey to get going as they kissed. He just had to imagine a red haired male and he'd be over the moon.

"Now roll over"


	10. Chapter 10

Ian relaxed against the wall in his bedroom, inhaling and exhaling smoke mindlessly. He had spent over a year back home and had a crappy job in Boystown in Lakeview. His family knew who he was from the beginning and accepted him, but in a town like this, he'd be dead if anyone in this town who wasn't interested in men found out he was queer--He hated that word, he preferred gay, or homosexual, but not queer, because he wasn't strange or unlike someone else, he was a normal man who just preferred to sleep with other men rather than women.

His brother came in, throwing his bag in the corner, climbing on to his bed.

"Hello to you too" Ian smiled, ashing his cigarette.

"I'm pissed off" Lip ran his fingers through his hair "I gave in my essay and they gave me a fucking D"

"College not what you thought it would be?"

"definitely fucking not" he huffed. Ian smiled, his brother was the smart one, his brother was also the best friend who knew more about him than anyone else.

"Hey" Ian wondered "remember Mandy?" He asked, Lip raised his eyebrow

"I can't really forget her" Lip bit his lip at the memories of how insane, yet enticing Mandy Milkovich was "why?"

"Just wondering, I need to ask her a favor"

"ha" Lip seemed amused "Didn't know you were batting for the other team now"

"shut up" he laughed, putting out his cigarette, feeling himself become flustered "It's about her brother"

"Brother? Iggy?" Lip's voice pitched higher "Holy shit, Iggy's gay!?"

"what?" Ian laughed in total confusion "No! I mean Mickey"

"Mickey Milkovich?" he double checked, Ian nodded

"yeah"

"When?"

"Texas, about two years ago?" Ian estimated "Brokeback Mountain days"

"Holy fuck how did I not know this shit?" He hopped down from his bed, grabbing one of Ian's cigarettes

"Because I didn't tell you?" Ian replied with enough sass that caused Lip to give Ian the bird. Ian laughed softly

"anyway I just want to get in contact with him"

"Or do you want to screw him?" Lip smirked, lighting up the cigarette between his lips

"No" Ian sighed "It's more than that"

"You love him?" his voice went higher again, Ian just shrugged

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about him in two years"

"well shit" Lip leaned against his bed post, exhaling his smoke "Mandy is wherever Mandy is, I'm afraid"

Ian raised an eyebrow, Lip took a deep inhale of his smoke, exhaling before he replied.

"She is around town but lives further in town from what I hear, reclaiming her virginity or some shit"

"Jesus" Ian exclaimed, Lip just laughed

"Yeah, Milkovich's always have a bad past. If you find her, she'll probably tell you where Mickey is, unlike any of the others who'll just pound the shit out of you, especially Terry"

"Yeah, figured that" he sighed, putting thoughts of Mickey aside for now.

Ian left home at 5pm, taking a drive to Lakeview. He worked behind the bar most nights, became a personal, cheap escort on others. He was better than creeps in Mexico, that's for sure.

He parked his newer red '63 Chevy Pick-Up out front, stepping out and easily getting in past the crowd of gay men.

The bar was full of jukebox dancing, men drinking and making out all over the place. Ian put his bag under the bar, already taking orders before he could shrug his jacket off.

It wasn't as easy as it seemed though, especially compared to the family's friend, Kev, who dealt with straight, old drunks who only went into his bar to drink. Men came to this bar for sex, it was simply stated that way and Ian was okay with that, he supposed. He was needed in a bed somewhere, doesn't that count for something?

"Hey honey" a flamboyant man with blonde hair approached the bar, Ian sighed a smile

"hey there"

"Whiskey?" he asked, Ian nodded, pouring him a shot

"here you go, that'll be a dollar" the man shot down the whiskey, slamming down a dollar with a wink

"see you around"

"yeah" Ian smiled, grabbing the dollar quickly.

_Sucks for you, shot was actually 50 cents._

* * *

 

Fourth of July came around pretty fast and Mickey decided to take the family out (Svetlana never stopped nagging about how they never did family things).

They went to the local park, each one holding one of their children. It was busy and festive, people with their families everywhere honoring their flag with true American pride.

"Look mommy!" Yevgeny pointed to the sky "stars!"

"yes" Svetlana smiled "And you know what will be up there soon?" she spoke politely, Yevgeny shook his head, poking Mickey hard in the shoulder. He grumbled and looked at his son as he sat in his spot.

"Fireworks, kid. The sky will have fireworks"

He sat his one year old daughter in his lap who just quietly stared out into the air after hearing her brothers comment on the stars.

Svetlana sat besides her husband with Yevgeny who was now picking at the grass. Yevgeny reminded Mickey a lot of him as a kid, Anastasiya, on the other hand, she was as quiet as Mickey was now.

"Look at this crowd!" A loud obnoxious Texan accent approached from behind, Mickey rolled his eyes. This is why he didn't want to move into town.

"Bound to be a lot of pussy on the hump in a crowd like this"

Mickey could almost feel the fear of every women in the area as this dickhead spoke. He played with his daughters hands softly, trying not to think about it, but the biker guy wouldn't stop talking with his friend.

"All swelled up with patriotic feeling, ready to be humped like a frog" he chuckled, making Mickey almost shiver at the thought that assholes like this may one day hurt his children. Hell, he knew what it felt like to be hurt that way.

"So where do you figure the most pussy's at?" his friend wondered as they sat only inches away from them.

"Las Vegas, California"

Svetlana held her son closer, Mickey couldn't help but look at every girl who just suddenly looked so guarded.

"-Now, you make it between Montana and Wyoming, I'd take Wyoming"

 _That's it_. 

"Hey! Shut up, we've got to kids here" he told the men, they started laughing, underestimating Mickey because of course, everyone in fucking Wyoming underestimated Mickey.

"Fuck you" the bigger man simply told him, Mickey raised his eyebrows high.  _Alright, You're asking for it_. He turned away for a moment, just to breathe. He couldn't cause a scene.

"Asshole" the man laughed "He's probably not giving it to his wife after the kids were born"

Mickey turned his mouth up in disgust, looking at Svetlana who was suddenly uncomfortable because they were right, Mickey had only fucked her a few times since Anastasiya, and backdoor only. If only they knew the shit that's going on in his head, maybe then they'd understand.

Mickey placed Ana carefully in Svetlana's grip "I've had enough of this"

"No!" she pleaded "We move, we can move"

"No fucking way" Mickey muttered back, standing up, turning to the ugly pigs who quickly got on their feet.

"Now I don't wanna cause any trouble with you shitheads but you need to shut the fuck up" he warned them, one huffed, looking down at Mickey like dirt.

"You better listen to your old lady, faggot"

He raised his brows again "What the fuck did you just call me?"

The guy just scowled "Move somewhere else"

Mickey huffed a laugh, nodding "okay su-" he slammed his head into the guys nose, throwing the guy onto the ground. The other guy lifted his fist and Mickey kicked him in the nuts, throwing him down too.

"What about it, huh? Want me to kick your fucking teeth out?" he threatened, both men shuffled backwards, now terrified of Mickey who stood over them.

"Not tonight, bud. I'd sure rather not" the man replied shaking, holding his hand up in surrender, Fireworks shooting up in the sky and exploding. All Mickey could hear was his sons voice.

"Look Daddy!" he called out "Fireworks!" He looked at his son and smiled before looking back at the creepy pigs pleading for the life. 

All he could think at this point whilst full of pride was;  _No one messes with the fucking South Side._

He sat back down with his family, Svetlana smirked with amusement, passing back the daughter who didn't understand a second of what just happened.

* * *

 

Ian was on escort duty tonight, hell, he offered because it's more money than behind the bar.

Basically, all he had to do was sit at a bar and wait. Anyone who knew about the workers were the rich guys, so it's always a wait until a man came along.

Three cigarettes, two Dirty Martini's and a White Russian later, an older man, around his 50's approached Ian, placing rolled up money on the counter.

Ian simply took it, examining the man's face. Since he was rich, he looked young for his age, his hair gave it away with just how grey it was, the man licked his lips. Brown eyes locked on Ian.

"What's your name?" Ian asked

"Lloyd" he simply told him

"What's yours?" he wondered

"Ian"

"Well, I would like to call you Ginger, if you don't mind?" He seemed sleazy, but polite enough, Ian nodded, accepting his thing for Ian's hair.

It was always the hair.

Lloyd offered his arm that Ian wrapped himself around, sliding the cash in his pocket.

"Where are we going?" Ian asked, Lloyd smiled at the red head in his grip

"To my Hotel room. I'll grab us some food, if you're hungry"

"Nah, I have feeling I know what you're hungry for though" Ian flirted, he sucked at it. God knows he sucked at flirting, but it still charmed the waters, leaving the old man chuckling.

"You'd be correct"


	11. Chapter 11

Ian woke up where he had been waking up every weekend for 2 years since he met Lloyd, who always spoiled him to room service and high-view hotel rooms. Ian wasn't in love with him or anything like that. Hell, Lloyd had a wife and kids at home. He was just a boy toy, and he was okay with that because he got spoiled rotten and if he asked for cash, he'd get it.

He sat up, admiring the look of another cloudy Chicago morning.

"You're up!" Lloyd's raspy voice came from the bathroom, Ian nodded, running his hand through his bed hair.

"Yeah" his eyes trailed to the man who was in his work uniform

"another day at the hospital?" he wondered

Lloyd nodded "yep, going to be pretty busy today" he proceeded to smirk leaning over the glowing red head "Wouldn't mind a little uh, Ginger Snap before I left though"

Ian chuckled, poking him back with his finger "I can't, I gotta get home"

"Do you want a ride?" he offered, seeing as they weren't going to have sex.

"Nah, I'll take the L home. Thanks though" Ian smiled kindly, the aged man nodded, picking up his briefcase

"You know, we've been together like this for years and you've never invited me to your place or even mentioned your family"

"Well" Ian huffed under his breath, bringing his knees to his chest "You've never taken me to your place either"

"That's because I have a wife at home, what have you got to hide?" He questioned Ian who just smirked at the irony

_Poor family, living on the South Side, being one of the only gay people in town, the fact that a young kid like me shouldn't be with old men like you._

"See you, Lloyd"

"Next weekend" he nodded, making his way out of the hotel room.

Ian sighed, getting out of the king sized bed to slide his jeans back on, maybe one day he'll find a guy he really falls for, the way he so easily fell for Mickey. He shook him from his mind. He had failed at looking for him, so what was the point?

Once completely dressed, jacket and scarf hugging his neck, he made his way out of the hotel with his duffle bag. The streets of Chicago were alive, people walking around everywhere talking and drinking coffee. Ian smiled, hoping one day he could live in the heart of Chicago, it was better compared to the South Side where he has spent most of his life.

The ride on the L was as it usually was, crammed, kids screaming, people just talking or reading the paper. Ian got off at his stop quickly, pushing through the crowd on people, relishing the fresh cold air as he made his way out.

That's when Ian caught her in his eye. The girl he'd been searching for, making her way across the road.

_Mandy Milkovich_

He followed the girl across the road, her hair dark as night and eyes as bright as her brothers, it almost ached Ian inside. She kept to herself, walking fast through the crowd, her black trench-coat obviously not keeping her warm.

Ian found it easy to keep up with her, thanks to his long legs. He had no idea what to even say to her, his mind was stalling. He quickly gripped her arm.

Mandy turned around, alert, almost throwing a fist in the air. Her blue eyes wild.

"Who the fuck are you?" she asked, voice threatening just like her brothers.

Ian hesitated "I-Ian...we were in the same class. I tripped that sleazy teacher who tried to look up your skirt in 9th grade"

"oh? OH" she realized "Gallagher, yeah? I remember you" she smiled kindly now "How's Lip?" she hesitated in even asking but Ian nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, he's good--He's at college finishing his degree"

"Really? Wow" She smiled almost proud-like

"There's gotta be a reason you scare the shit out of me in the middle of the street, right?" she wondered, Ian nodded again, biting his lip.

"Yeah, I was just wondering if you knew where your brother was living now?"

"Which brother? I have a few of them" she laughed, Ian smiled distastefully, the name hadn't left his tongue in years.

"Mickey"

"Mickey?" she raised her eyebrows "He lives in Wyoming with his wife and kids"

"Yeah, do you know where about's?" he looked at her with pleading eyes, she nodded

"Yeah, in Riverton in a flat over the laundromat. Why? He owe you something?"

"Nah, we just worked together" Ian told her "I've just wanted to get in contact with him"

"okay" she smiled "You got a paper and pen in that duffle or what?"

* * *

 

Mickey pulled up at the back of the laundromat, feeling exhausted after a long day working in town. He quickly got out, grabbing his same cowboy hat and bag, running up the chipped painted white stairs to his flat.

He barged in the door, plonking his stuff down. He was just looking forward to laying in on the couch with a beer in front of his TV. That's all he wanted right now. He went into his kitchen, patting his children's heads who were begging for his attention.

He grabbed a beer from his fridge, Svetlana made her way out from the hallway with a smile.

"How is work?"

"Fine" he bluntly replied, screwing off the cap to take a long swig. Svetlana bit her lip as she picked up the daughter who was making grabby hands at her feet.

"Do you know someone named Ian?" she asked, her accent sounded weird saying the name. Mickey froze for only a second before responding.

"Yeah, maybe" He looked over at her "why?"

"You got postcard from him today in mail" she told him, nodding her head to the mail laying on the bench. He swore those butterflies that died years ago rocketed up his spine.

_No fucking way._

He put down his beer, quickly rummaging through the pile of letters, picking up the postcard, reading it straight away.

_Mick_   
_This is a letter long overdue_   
_I'm coming through on the 24th._   
_Write back if you want me to stop by._   
_Ian_

Mickey bit his lip, turning the card to almost have a cold-hearted laugh. Fucking postcard had a picture of Brokeback Mountain on it. What a dickhead.

"He someone you cowboy with?" Svetlana asked smugly, bouncing Ana on her hip.

"uh, no" Mickey told her, quickly grabbing the keys to his truck "Fishing buddy"

He almost sped down to the Post Office, running in to grab a plain postcard, writing two simple words on it.

_You bet._


	12. Chapter 12

Mickey felt like he had been waiting forever by the window, but really he had only been up for a few hours. He hated waiting, he wasted about 7 cigarettes and 3 beers by this point. He was nervous of fuck, of course. He wondered if Ian would look the same or not, if he had ever truly thought of Mickey, if him coming over meant that they were going to have what they had four years ago again. He wondered if Ian had moved on, gotten a wife and kid just like Mickey had.

"Dad" Yevgeny pulled him from his thoughts, Mickey stared down at him shifting his eyes

"the fuck you want?" he almost cringed at his voice. He sounded like his father. 

"Would you read to me?" His son's blue eyes looked so hopeful Mickey just sighed "I can't think right now, can't you go watch TV or something?"

"Why can't you think?" The kid wondered, causing Mickey to change his mind "fine, we can watch TV together if that helps"

Yevgeny smiled. Mickey knew his son was fond of him and as the years went on, Mickey hated him less and respected him more, even felt bad for him. He'll never know how he was conceived, how it made him feel and he doesn't want to imagine what his son would think if he found out he was completely unwanted from the beginning.

Being a dad, Mickey picked his son up, throwing him on the couch and tickling his sides. Yevgeny squirmed and giggled, putting a smile on Mickey's face.

"Come on" He mumbled, sitting down, Yevgeny fitting perfectly into his side, resting whilst his dad put his arm around him. Watching the black and white TV caused Mickey to lose thought on Gallagher for a while, but an alarm kept going off in his head as if the snooze button only worked for five fucking minutes.

"Who are you waiting for daddy?" Yevgeny asked so innocently Mickey chewed on his bottom lip

"an old friend"

"oh" was all he replied, focused on the TV once again.

Mickey let out a sigh"Hey!" he called out to Svetlana who was in the kitchen going through bills

"I have name!" She shouted back to her husband

"Wife!" he called out "Get me a beer!"

Svetlana rolled her eyes at the asshole, making her way to the fridge to get him a beer, unscrewing the cap.

"Your friend is late?" she asked, passing the bottle to Mickey who just took a swig of it

"seems so" he muttered, eyes tracing back to the TV since Yevgeny was laughing under his shoulder.

"Bring Ana out here, have the whole family"

"She's sleeping" Svetlana told him "Too early for drinking, you need to stop" she pointed to the beer in his hand. Mickey laughed softly, looking up at her with raised eyebrows

"I thought you were meant to be Russian?"

 

Who knew how many hours passed, but Mickey had fallen asleep, waking up to the sound of his family peacefully enjoying dinner without him

"You finish this spoon, you can go" Svetlana told one of the kids, Mickey rubbed his face and sat up straighter, glugging the rest of his now warm beer down.

"Okay you can go" she told the kids now, both of them running out to watch TV, not even bothering to speak to their dad. Mickey swore TV was going to kill every kids mind, start WWIII or some shit.

Then that alarm bell rang again _Ian Gallagher_.

This time, the alarm was on time, an engine roaring out front. Mickey quickly made his way to the window, seeing a Chevy pull up, a familiar man with dark ginger hair and a black hat stepped out. Mickey couldn't hold back his grin as his stomach gained such an exciting/happy feeling.

He ran out the door, pausing as the familiar man looked up at him from bellow the stair case, Mickey couldn't help but laugh, he hadn't aged a day.

"Ian Fucking Gallagher" he smirked, running down the steps of his home faster than he ever had, almost tripping a few times.

"Hey, Mick..." Ian smiled softly with a laugh. They embraced in a tight hug. Mickey's heart almost broke at the smell of him, how he had missed that smell. Ian closed his eyes, trying to cling tighter until Mickey broke away from the hug, staring at Ian's face like he were his entire world. Ian almost stopped breathing.

"Come here..." Mickey gripped Ian's shirt, shoving him backwards into the paneling of his complex, flicking that stupid fucking hat off so he could slam his lips to his, almost bruising the Gallagher, gripping his fingers tight into his hair. Ian pulled him as close to him as possible, wanting to force tongue into the kiss to finally _taste_ Mickey just how he wanted to. Mickey pulled away for a quick moment with a grin. Ian's stomach was full of butterflies and adrenaline.

They looked in each other's eyes for a moment and Ian knew, he knew, _He was in love_. He forcefully shoved Mickey against the staircase with the adrenaline pumping in him, pushing himself onto Mickey, they kissed deeply, breathing each other in as Ian grinded his crotch against his thigh because he missed him so god damn much. Mickey let out a moan, shoving Ian off to return his breathing. They smiled at each other fondly, Ian nodding as he rested his forehead against Mickey's, his fingers tracing down the sleeves of Gallagher's shirt, leaving his skin with goosebumps beneath.

"Come on..." Mickey breathed, pushing him off, Ian instantly went to pick up his hat "I can't believe you're still wearing that stupid fucking hat" Mickey joked, fixing his shirt properly into his pants.

"It's only for when I leave the state" Ian laughed, following Mickey up the stairs.

 

Svetlana watched through the window, her husband kissing another man. She didn't know if she was heartbroken, angry or disgusted. One half of her was begging to call his dad, give Mickey another lesson and the other half felt totally out of control, saying that she's best not to do anything.

So she wondered her way slowly to the kitchen, not knowing where to start. Her heart felt dizzy and her knees felt weak. She shut her eyes for a moment, realizing that she's stronger than this, she's stronger than Mickey fucking Milkovich and she will always be better than him. So for his sake, she decided to keep to herself as the front door swung open, decided that she'd be the one to control their marriage.

"Lana!" Mickey called out, he only called her that with other people around. She turned and faced her husband, a tall red head held a smug smile behind him. She tried her hardest to hold a soft smile.

"This is Ian Gallagher" he told her, breathless.

They both exchanged a nod, Ian looked at Mickey, Svetlana could see his gooey eyes from a mile away.

"Gallagher" Mickey started, catching Ian's stare before standing straight, uncomfortable "This is Svetlana"

Ian's lively eyes hit Svetlana's with what she called an American's smile. A fake one. "hey"

She nodded again, biting her lip. Mickey took a deep breath, feeling some sort of tension, it was as if she sensed something in the air.

The babble of their daughter came from the lounge, Ian rose his eyebrows "Oh yeah, you have a kid"

"two" Mickey corrected him "Yevgeny and Anastasiya. Her dads name, my moms name"

Ian smiled with an understanding nod, Svetlana crossed her arms in annoyance. They were literally eye-fucking in front of her.

"What bout you?" Svetlana pushed her way into the conversation "You have children?"

Ian shook his head, a definite no. He was amused by her heavy accent. "Nah, I'm not even married shockingly" he laughed, Svetlana just smiled distastefully, understanding what he meant. _It takes one to know one_.

"uh" Mickey broke their conversation, itching his lip "we're gonna get a few drinks, 'kay?" Svetlana nodded

"Nice to meet you" Ian smiled kindly, Svetlana's eyes looked at him like a snake, making him uncomfortable.

Ian quickly made his way out the door. She stood there, watching her husband grab his hat and coat, he turned to her again.

"We might not be back till tomorrow once we get drinking" Svetlana nodded again, Mickey could tell she didn't like Ian, pausing for a second before he could walk away. _He wasn't going to worry about her just yet._

"do you have smokes?" she asked as he made his way out

"Top drawer, you'll find a fuck load there"

Then the door slammed, just like that, Svetlana grinned sadly, she didn't know whether or not to take this as a gift or a curse.

 

Ian pulled up to a motel that was only a few miles down the road, the both of them got out quickly.

"Follow me" Ian told Mickey who did exactly that, following him to room 11 like a fucking puppy

"booked this room before I came and got you" he told him with a grin, Mickey looked Gallagher up and down.

"Well what are you fucking waiting for? open the door" he smirked at the flushed red head who almost forced the door open, stumbling in backwards.

Mickey kicked the door closed, slamming his lips quickly to Ian's as he shrugged out of his jacket and undid his own shirt. Ian sighed, cupping Mickey's face to hold him there as the older boy couldn't hold back from undressing himself. Mickey pulled off his shirt, pushing Ian towards the bed, his hands mindlessly fumbling Ian's jacket and shirt off.

Ian pulled back to help, the both of them staring in each others eyes with so much lust, as if they were the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.

Mickey pushed Ian down completely, kissing his way quickly down Gallagher's chest where Ian threw his head back, closing his eyes to savor the moment, hearing his heart pound as Mickey undid his pants, pulling out his length to devour him. Making his way up and down the shaft of Ian's hard cock, running his tongue from underneath to the head, making Ian shiver.

"G-God, Mick" he breathed "get up here" he commanded, sitting up as Mickey obeyed him. Ian pushed his jeans down, his lips not being able to control themselves as they latched onto his stomach, Mickey stepped out of both his shoes and pants.

Mickey pulled Ian up, gripping onto his neck as their lips moved slower, more meaningful, Ian exhaled a shaky breath as he felt Mickey's fingers tingle along his sides, pulling his pants down enough for Ian to shimmy out of them and get his own shoes off. Mickey clenched onto Ian's hips harder as their lips became more passionate with their naked embrace, tongues working their way to taste each other, moans escaped Mickey's chest, twitching Ian's dick. Mickey smirked as he noticed this, slowly pulling away to look up in the ginger's green eyes. One's he solemnly missed.

Without saying a word, Mickey quickly made his way onto all fours on the bed, Ian grabbed on to Mickey's ass and couldn't stop thinking about how _hot_ he was. was he always this hot?

Spitting on his hand, he quickly lubricated his dick, then lent over to spit among Mickey's hole. The man let out a whimper to the sensitivity as Ian's fingers ran over his hole, Mickey's toes curled, he was mentally pleading.

"Get on me already" He muttered, hearing a chuckle come from Gallagher.

"If you say so"

Mickey almost screamed, letting out a hard grunt. It had been far too long since they last did this but fuck, it felt so good he couldn't believe he actually forgot what it felt like.

Ian worked his way in and out of the moaning Milkovich, feeling triumphant at best, running his hand slowly to Mickey's shoulder as he rocked slowly with the rhythm of Ian's hard thrusts.

"God--Fuck" Mickey muttered to himself, feeling his fingernails claw into the red sheets as the ginger started working faster, making Mickey let out a moan. "I fucking missed this" he chuckled from the high of it, feeling Ian's breath on the back of his neck as the pounding sensation continued, Ian's lips kissing along Mickey's shoulder blades, admiring every beauty spot and freckle along his pale skin

"G-Gallagher--" he choked on a moan as Ian sped up, making Ian laugh, biting his lip as he grunted, thrusting hard into the Milkovich who held his eyes shut. Panting.

"Since when are you the one who speaks the most?" Ian questioned with a smug grin, pulling out as he felt Mickey roll into a sitting position where he grabbed Ian by the back of his neck, pulling him down onto his lips, Ian lightly sucking and biting as Mickey persistently dragged Ian further onto the bed with him.

Ian instantly thrust back into Mickey, causing Mickey's breath to hitch and exhale as the pleasure Ian gave him built again.

As Ian thrusts got stronger, the pressure built and he couldn't fucking stop, he wouldn't fucking stop, Mickey was wrapped around him, fingers digging so fiercely into his skin he was bound to explode. His teeth sank into Mickey's neck to hold back the moans he had whilst he fucked Mickey so hard against the bed he was sweating, his muscles burning from the strain he was putting them through.

And fuck yes, Mickey was enjoying it, he was enjoying it so much he could already feel the orgasm leaping up through his lungs. _holy fuck_ he kept thinking. _Holy fuck I'm gonna come_.

He sat up a bit, Ian holding him tight to his chest as they just rocked together in this fast pace. Mickey's hand gripped hard on to Ian's hair, eyes clenched shut as he cried out and panted as that feeling almost made him scream. He came fast all over Gallagher, beginning to shake from the after-shock, Ian thrust once more letting his orgasm out softly in Mickey's ear, pulling out to come all over his thigh, the both of them collapsed onto the bed.

_shit._

Ian got up to grab the tissue box, his chest heaving as he cleaned up the mess on his stomach, Mickey just couldn't stop staring at Ian, he noticed now that he was naked that he had somehow gotten more beautiful, his eyes dragged over his broad shoulders, down his soft, lean chest and back up to his green eyes that now locked on his.

"What?" he asked with a smile. Mickey just shook his head.

"Nothin'"

"right" Ian laughed "here" he threw some tissues at Mickey before grabbing himself a cigarette.

 _oh god_ , Mickey thought, _he's hot naked and looks even hotter with a smoke in his mouth_.

Mickey sat up, watching as the smoke puffed out from Ian's mouth. Mickey threw the stupid tissue on the ground and held a hand out for the smoke. Ian passed it over then got under the covers.

The dark haired boy inhaled the smoke, passing it back as he mindlessly exhaled. "You cold or somethin'?"

"Maybe I'm just ready to sleep" Ian laughed, he seemed so damn relaxed now, ashing the smoke in the tray on the bedside table. Mickey chewed on his bottom lip. He wouldn't mind some cuddling.

"Well scoot over" he told Ian who did instantly, holding the covers up for Mickey who crawled next to him, laying besides the red head who passed him the smoke back, exhaling as he rested his head among Mickey's chest, his hand resting on his stomach

"Four years...damn" Ian chuckled, running his fingers softly up and down his chest. Mickey pressed his face into Ian's hair with an inhale. He could never forget how that ginger smelt.

"Yeah..." Mickey licked his lips before bringing them to the cigarette he was smoking "Honestly didn't think I was going to see you again"

Ian looked up at Mickey, taking the smoke of him, admiring how he could exhale it through his nose. "Really?" he wondered, taking a drag of the shared cigarette, Mickey shrugged.

"I figured you were sore from that punch"

"well" Ian exhaled, sinking more into Mickey as he passed the smoke back, resting into his chest "The next summer, I went back to Aguirre and talked about a job--" Ian hesitated for a second, he couldn't mention the part where he knew "I asked about you" he told him "he told me he hadn't heard from you so I left" Ian shrugged "went back to the South Side, helped my family out, got a job in Boystown--"

"wait, Boystown? Lakeview? that place is full of old men and homos" he furrowed his brows, putting out his smoke, Ian almost exploded into laughter.

"Go figure. I may not be queer but I am gay" he told Mickey who now threw his head back, hesitating his next sentence.

"You fuck anyone there yet?"

"Fuck no" Ian instantly lied "I just work behind the bar, but you'll be surprised how many men love my hair"

Mickey huffed, trying not to squirm at the thought of other men touching Gallagher "I bet...so Army didn't get you?"

"Nah, you know how they feel about gays being in the army, especially with my work experience"

Mickey nodded. He suddenly became worried, Ian could so easily be hurt working there, any straight guy can go in any day guns blazing. He tried to shake that thought from his mind.

"Any way, on the way home I bumped into your sister, she more than willingly gave me your address so I wrote to you"

Mickey looked down at the red head who continued to speak "I swear I had no idea I was going to end up doing this again"

Mickey raised an eyebrow in confusion till the younger boy giggled, pushing his face into his chest "Oh yes I did, I sped all the way here and couldn't get here fast enough"

Somehow, that line put Mickey's stomach in a knot, they both chuckled, Mickey wrapping his arm around Ian's waist.

"How about you?" Ian wondered "What's been going on with you?"

Mickey huffed, running his fingers in circles along Ian's skin "Nothing as fun as your story, that's for sure"

Ian looked up at Mickey, moving his way to sit directly on top of him, resting his head against Mickey's as he whispered "Old Brokeback got us good, didn't it?"

Mickey breathed in Ian's hot breath, making him go crazy, he mumbled a soft "hm..."

Ian pressed his lips to the corner of Mickey's, he quickly cupped Gallagher's face, reclining himself so their lips met perfectly, holding the most perfect kiss. Ian dragged away slowly, Mickey smirked, feeling himself get turned on again.

"You ready to go again, or you uh, need some more time, Firecrotch?"


	13. Chapter 13

Svetlana waited at the dining table, her head was aching as she was making her way through her third cup of coffee. She couldn't really sleep last night, because everything in her mind was now piecing together. _You can't cure gay_ she told herself, and she said it again, remembering each time Mickey would hardly touch her but was more that willing to flip her onto all fours to do her from behind. It all made sense to her now. _You can't cure a faggot_.

But the worst part was that she had built this fantasy in her mind, that they fell in love and had a stable family, she thought she was in love but she was clearly just in love with the idea, and she now realized that it was a stupid thought. No one wants to go from having regular sex to taking it up the ass a few times a year. It just doesn't work like that. She certainly thought she deserved better.

She sat up straighter as she heard steps approaching from outside. She wiped her eyes quickly, never realizing they were teared up. Mickey walked through the door, almost going straight passed Svetlana but stopped in his tracks to glance at her

"Hey" was all he said before making his way to the lounge, frantically grabbing stuff. Svetlana couldn't help but follow.

"Me and Gallagher are going up to the mountain for a few days to do some fishing" he told her, running into his bedroom

Svetlana took a step to glance out to window to find that orange boy leaning against his truck with a cigarette in his mouth, she immediately turned her nose up.

"Your friend should come in for coffee" she told him, following his steps to find him shoving clothes in a pillow case.

"He's South Side" Mickey mumbled, slamming the door shut then ran to the bathroom, Svetlana followed.

"Since when do any American not drink coffee?" she asked, which she thought was pointless since clearly, he was just trying to get as far from her as he possibly could.

Mickey grabbed his toothbrush and walked right past her back to the lounge to grab more things, Svetlana continued to follow.

"What about Job? You wont get fired for leaving?"

"Why the fuck should I care?" he raised his voice, clearly annoyed "besides, asshole owes me anyway"

He went back to grabbing stuff, Svetlana stood completely still.

"You look like shit by the way" Mickey muttered, grabbing a shirt from a clean laundry basket. Svetlana almost scowled, Yevgeny came running out seconds later.

"Daddy! Where you going?" he asked, Mickey turned around to quickly pick him up and kiss his cheek before passing him to Svetlana, not even answering his sons question.

The married couple stared at each other for a few seconds before Mickey sighed. _He wasn't going to worry about her yet_.

"Get some rest, okay?" he told her, pressing a kiss to her tired cheek before patting his sons back. "I'll be home Sunday at the latest" he told her, running out the door.

That's when Svetlana felt her stomach fly to her chest, leaving an aching feeling in her throat, she let the tears she had held back since last night fall. Her son instantly noticed.

"Whats wrong mommy?"

But she cried, she just let it out, pressing her face into her helpless four year old's shoulder. She couldn't help it. She spent most of her life feeling like trash, and for a while she felt okay, and now she feels more trashier than before. She almost felt repulsed by herself.

 

Mickey and Ian thought driving all the way to Brokeback would be a great thing. It was away from all their shit, they knew no one and the sentimental value of it all was a main reason for it not to be ignored. Plus, they'd be alone in their own southern comfort.

And it was fun, even after a long and quiet 17 hour drive from Wyoming, it was the most fun they have had in a long time, between the stress of parenthood and living in the South Side, they were finally at peace with themselves, for now, at least.

They got to a camping spot by the lake, lower down on the mountain than all those years ago. They didn't want to freeze their asses off this time and even though they were used to the sharp coldness of Chicago, they definitely weren't in the mood for that again.

Ian started gathering wood to make a fire as the sun began to go down, Mickey sat on the log beside him with a bottle of whiskey they picked up along the way.

Mickey almost sighed in relief, he hadn't felt so _okay_ in such a long time. Taking a swig, Ian managed to ignite the flame, letting out a deep breath, he was worried his fire-making skills were off.

"So" Mickey cleared his throat, passing the bottle over "how is it back home?"

Ian shrugged as he put the bottle to his lips "It's as it always is. People getting stabbed, drunk, starting fights, partying...You know, typical South Side"

Mickey watched Ian take a swig with a nod "Yeah" he let out a laugh "didn't expect anything to change"

Ian passed back the bottle with a hesitant smile "Mandy misses you"

"What?" Mickey's eyebrows rose "You spoke to Mandy more than once?"

"Yeah, we've become pretty close" He told Mickey honestly

"Jesus Christ, man" he itched his head, uncomfortable at the thought "You aren't gonna start banging her too are you?"

"No worries" Ian laughed "totally gay. Remember that I'm sitting here watching the sunset with you, not a woman" he pointed out, making Micky feel flustered as he passed the whiskey back, not saying a word.

They both just stared into the sky where the sun was setting over the mountain, the fire bringing that glow to Ian's face that Mickey missed so much.

 _Dammit_ , he never wanted to go back home.

Ian's eyes glanced at Mickey quickly, realizing just how grateful he was for this moment. How he wanted nothing more but have these moments with him forever.

"You know" Ian started, their eyes locked together now "We could be like this, always."

Mickey raised an eyebrow with curiosity "the fuck you getting at, Gallagher?"

"I'm just saying" he sighed "we could always do this--move somewhere together, whether it be the South Side or an empty ranch somewhere in Texas, Wyoming, wherever you want, I don't care"

Mickey looked down at the dirt beneath his feet, he liked the idea, but he knew the things that would hold him back.

"I mean" Ian laughed "We could even ran a farm, or scam people for a living like we used to always do while growing up, a-and I know a guy who will give me however much money I wanted just so I could be happy. Mick, we could be happy together."

Mickey's mouth turned sour "no" he mumbled

"What do you mean, no?"

He looked up at the sky that was now almost completely black "I have a life here, man, with my wife and kids...and you're doing whatever it is you do back in Chicago"

Ian huffed, feeling his blood boil slightly "You and Svetlana, you call that a life?"

"hey" he snapped at Ian "don't blame Svetlana this isn't her fault"

Ian smiled in disgrace, looking down "you've got to be fucking kidding me"

Mickey rolled his eyes, chewing his lip as he stared at Ian, slumping over a little bit before staring at the ground again "Do you remember those guys that lived together, Dale and Marcus?"

Ian nodded "heard about it"

"Well, they lived together, ran an auto shop, fixing cars and whatever on the East Side...people around town swore they knew things, thought that these two were an interracial couple that did things only the devil would understand--" Mickey's breath hitched with flashbacks "My dad...he took me down to this ditch, I might've been around 9 or 10 when I saw Marcus unconscious and bleeding, my dad said that this is what happens to black faggots, they get their face cobbled in and dick ripped off. I kept wondering who the fuck would do such a thing and thought hell, my dad was probably the one who did the job"

Ian sat there silent, uneased by the story and slowly reached over, gripping Mickey's knee in hope to comfort him, Mickey downed a heavy amount of whiskey before coughing.

"Fuck, Ian" he sounded weak now, his voice shriveling with a source of pain Ian couldn't describe. He pinched the bridge of his nose and his breath shook and Ian was almost in shock, he had never seen Mickey get emotional.

 

"W-When I was 18" Mickey began, taking a deep breath "I just got out of Juvie and I-I met this guy there who came out around the same time. In our cell, he was my bitch, I'd throw him around and we'd fuck a lot and he loved it, he loved each screaming second."

Ian just nodded, how were he to respond to that?

"I thought my dad was going to be out of town for a few days with my brothers, I told Mandy to go stay at Lip's and I was going to invite him over."

Ian stayed still

"I thought we were safe until it came crashing down, my dad came in just as we were doing stuff and I've never heard him yell so loud" Mickey felt his eyes glaze, he wanted to just shut up but he couldn't.

"He pulled Bobby off me faster than the time I got my foot stuck in a car door. He bashed him up till he was black and blue and told him to get the fuck out of his house. I kept pleading him to calm down, that I could explain, but then I get pistol whipped over the head and he beat me senseless I almost became numb."

"Fuck, Mick" Ian muttered, Mickey laughed to himself, he hated feeling weak and having people feel sorry for him, more especially, Ian.

"So he calls up the local whorehouse, asks them to send over the Russian. I was terrified it was some fat guy coming to murder me and find a nice spot for me right next to Marcus' grave but no. Svetlana shows up and he told her to fuck the faggot out of me, so she did and I just--" he laughed again _pathetic_ he told himself "I just rolled her over to get the job done faster. That's how I ended up knocking her up...It was all forced" he was almost whispered the last bit. Ian was in a state of feeling shocked, sad, disgusted and furious that Mickey's dad, _Mandy's_ dad, would ever do something as inane as that.

"That's why we cannot happen like that. We get caught in the wrong place in the wrong time and we're dead a-and I wouldn't dare put you under that danger" he muttered to himself "no fucking way" he shook his head "I mean, we can get together every once in a while--"

"Once in a while?" Ian's voice cracked "every four fucking years!"

"Hey, it's working out so far so good"

Ian huffed, turning his face up in disgust. _Unbelievable._

"If you want this to keep happening you just gotta put up with it, okay?" Mickey's eyes reached Ian's with a sense of pleading

"How long?" He questioned, Mickey shook his head and looked down.

"For as long as we can handle it"

Ian just nodded slightly, now feeling sympathetic for the Milkovich. He noticed now that Mickey definitely can't be as open about it. He came from a family full of support, hell, even Frank and Monica supported his sexuality. Mickey comes from a family where if you're gay, you get killed. Ian thought he could so easily turn away from Mickey and never come back, but he couldn't. He couldn't leave him like that, all because he loves him.

"Yeah..." Ian replied softly, moving to sit right besides Mickey "Yeah, okay..." he whispered, running his fingers softly through the nape of his short black hair, pressing a soft kiss on his head. Mickey looked down and took a deep breath as Gallagher's arm made it's way around his shoulders. He sunk into Ian, looking at that whiskey bottle one last time. He's fucked for life anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

Ian pulled up at Mickey's place on the Sunday morning, already missing him far more than he thought he would already, fuck, Mickey hadn't even left the truck yet.

_Only four more years_

_Four more years_

_He better not make me wait that long_

"So, I'll write you soon?" Ian asked as if he needed consent, Mickey nodded, picking his bag up from the floor.

"Yeah, man"

"okay" Ian responded, being quiet as Mickey opened the door. They didn't really exchange a goodbye even though all Ian wanted was a kiss, but Svetlana was at the top of the staircase with who Ian assumed was their daughter. _A daughter from a forced marriage_ , he thought.

Mickey and Ian exchanged a soft smile before he slowly made his ways up the stairs. Ian just watched, he didn't want to leave, he was sick of nights being 20 hours away from him. As he watched and met with Svetlana, her snake-like eyes caught with his, almost threatening like, he quickly looked away, retreating as he reversed out, making his way back home.

And fuck it was the longest drive he had ever been through, on the way there he was excited and knew he had something there for him, but back home, all he had was his siblings and a job.

 

He showed up back at home early the next morning at around 4am, his eyes were almost aching to close. It almost felt familiar to him, as if it were the same as the first time he came home.

He dragged himself up his steps inside to find his father passed out on the couch and with a huff, he smiled. _Home sweet home._

* * *

 

"Where the fuck you going?" Mickey asked as Svetlana walked into the kitchen in her work uniform. He just got home from a day working at a farm, he was starving.

"I have work, took extra shift" she told him, tying her hair into a high ponytail, Mickey grumbled, annoyed.

"Well, when will you back?"

"Later, okay?" She told him, followed by russian profanities under her breath that made Mickey roll his eyes

" _I don't know what the fuck you're saying!_ "

She quickly grabbed her handbag, going to walk out

"Hey! What about dinner?" he called after her

"You can cook!" she told him.

"No one's eating unless you're serving! Tell them you can't work" He yelled, following. Svetlana snapped to her incoherent husband.

"I cannot do that! For past two years you so easily make me do it and i cannot! I got warning! I will be fired! Cook your own _fucking_ food!" she yelled back, storming down the steps, speeding past her kids on the swing set, Mickey steps behind.

"Svetlana!" He called as she stormed around the corner

"Svetlana!" he called again, stopping as she kept walking.  _Fuck_ , FUCK.

Mickey took a deep breath, turning to his children full of remorse, but of course he hid it. He always hid it.

"The fuck you want?" he asked his kids who sat still on their swings "You want a push or somethin'?"

the 5 and 6 year old just shook their heads, continuing to swing again, Mickey tried to stay calm on the way back inside but he couldn't help but kick over the ash bucket that sat in front of his feet.

"Fuck!" he muttered, he probably was better off running away with Gallagher in the first place

* * *

 

Fiona came knocking at Ian's door just after 1pm, letting herself in to witness Ian sitting on his bed, a book in his hand, she sighed.

"You're 25 years old and still lounging around the house!" she scolded, he just shrugged.

"at least I have a job"

"I mean outside of work all you do is hang out with Mandy Milkovich and read, why don't you do something exciting?"

_Because all my excitement is away from this town, even my own brother is out of the area._

"Dunno" he carelessly flipped a page, Fiona sighing.

"Well you're coming out with me tonight whether you like it or not"

"Really?" he closed the book, looking up at his 30 year old sister "what's the occasion?"

Fiona smiled slightly before picking up Carl's dirty shirts off the floor "Jimmy wants our families to get to know each other"

"Jesus, family? Things must be getting pretty serious" Ian snickered, holding a smug smile whilst Fiona smiled, hopeful.

"I really like him, he likes all you guys too so that's always a plus"

Ian just laughed "Yeah he's an alright guy"

Fiona smiled before throwing a clean shirt at his head "Wear nice clothes, I won't tell you again"

 

So Ian brushed up, combing his hair back to add a seemliness clean touch. He thought his sister looked beautiful too in her chevron striped dress, a belt tight around her waist. Carl barely tried but Liam and Debbie looked pretty good too. The family knew to dress nice, since Jimmy's family were from the North Side, meaning they were richer than all South Side kids combined.

"Lip's lucky he's in Miami" Carl muttered as they walked up the steps to the restaurant, Ian and Debbie laughed softly, because they honestly couldn't agree more, but seeing Fiona happy, that mattered more.

Jimmy lead them through to the table they booked, each one of the siblings choosing where they wanted to sit, right next to each other though, of course.

Liam grabbed his menu, looking through the selection that Ian helped him with, scanning over the kids menu for the 9 year old.

"What do you like the sound of?" he asked the boy who quietly shrugged.

"I like fish"

"Fish? alright bud, they're paying so remember you can always order more" Ian nudged his brothers side with a wink, Liam laughed till Jimmy stood up, everyone followed his glance to the 3 people walking over and Ian almost had a heart attack.

_Lloyd_

The two men met each others gaze, Lloyd looked right away as Ian mindlessly stared.

His brain was literally blank right now. Jimmy greeted his parents and brother kindly before moving to the siblings sitting awkwardly at the table.

"Mom, Dad, Chip, this is my girlfriend Fiona, her sister Debbie then their brothers Ian, Liam and Carl."

"Hello sweethearts, my names Candace, by the way" She calmly and so sweetly introduced herself, Ian just smiled whilst the siblings said hello

"and this is my husband Ned"

_Ned_

Ian smiled bitterly, they had been hooking up for over two years and he couldn't even tell Ian his real fucking NAME. He was screaming in his own head.

Ned lifted a hand as a sign of hello as he sat down, not even making eye contact with Ian. He felt like he was going to be physically sick. He's been fucking his sisters, boyfriends, father.

"Excuse me, bathroom" Ian announced, getting up as he paced himself to go to the bathroom. He knew there was a reason he weren't to get serious with customers. I mean, he didn't love Lloyd (sorry, Ned) at all, but he still trusted him and now this shit? No way.

Ian stared at himself in the mirror, twisting the cold tap on so he could wash his face. There was no way this was happening.

Just as he wiped his face dry, the door squeaked open, the grey old man biting his lip as he approached Ian, going to grasp his shoulder, Ian instantly shrugged him off.

"Ned? Fucking Ned!?" was the first thing that slipped from his mouth, staring into his dark brown eyes

"What can I say? I thought fake names was what Boystown was famous for" Ian scoffed

"Well I never fucking lied to you..." he brought his voice lower "Almost three years Lloyd--Sorry, Ned--3 years!"

"I'm sorry Ian, I just didn't want to screw things up" he spoke honestly but who knows, maybe even that was a lie.

"Do they know you're gay?"

"I'm not gay"

"Then what do you call this!" Ian raised his voice, gesturing to the both of them.

"Honestly, anything that walks" Ian instantly felt repulsed. He doesn't call three years 'anything that walks'

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Ian tried to keep his voice low, he was really trying. He was so far from done, he pushed Ned out of the way, going to head out before he jerked back, Ned pinning him to the tiled wall.

Ian just stared at Ned who slowly embraced his lips to Ians. He clenched his eyes shut, grabbing onto his stubbly face with a sigh. _Here we go again_.

* * *

 

Mickey downed the last of his fifth beer for the night, sitting in front of the TV with his family, a word barely spoken from any of them as Anastasiya and Yevgeny played with their dolls.

Mickey grabbed his cigarettes, pulling one out to place between his lips, lighting it up.

"We should get out more" Svetlana said, Mickey shifted his eyes as he exhaled

"Like what? Go to more church weekends? Yeah no fucking thanks" he put the cigarette to his lips again.

"I don't know. I'm sick of being bored."

"We're not bored, we got TV"

Svetlana sighed before glancing at the clock "shit!" she jumped up "Come on, Yevgeny, Anastasiya, time for bed"

"but mom" Ana whined whilst Yevgeny got up, doing the right thing which caused some relief from Svetlana as she followed him.

Mickey put out his half finished cigarette "Come on, listen to your mom"

"But Happy Days is going to be on next!"

"Nope" Mickey shook his head, grabbing his daughters hand to lift her from the ground

"You're too young for that shit anyway, come on" he pestered, patting her soft brown head, she crossed her arms.

"That's so unfair"

"Hey look, your brother is doing a better job than you at this. Come on" he held her hand out, she held a hard frown, making Mickey want to laugh. She was a lot like Mandy, it made him miss her.

"Come on!" he lifted her up by the waist, zooming her across their house "zoom!" Anastasiya went into a complete chuckling fit, her father throwing her onto the bed.

"Get in bed. We won't ask again" he whispered, she kissed her dad on his forehead with a wide smile "okay daddy"

"that's my girl" he stroked her cheek slightly before Yevgeny walked in "

Okay" Svetlana breathed "Ana, your turn" Mickey winked at her to say _be nice_ , and she did, getting up to wonder off with her mother.

Mickey turned to his son who easily got into his bed.

"You alright?" he asked, Yevgeny nodded

"Yeah dad, I'm good" his blue eyes, younger than Mickey's looked at him

"would you be able to come to my game next weekend?" he asked, Mickey bit his lip, sitting on his child's bed "don't know yet."

"it's okay, I understand" he smiled at his father. His son was pretty smart for a Milkovich, one of the smartest. He spoke and wrote well, but Mickey didn't acknowledge it the way he probably should.

"See you in the morning, kay?" Mickey told him, Yevgeny nodded. Mickey kissed his son on the forehead and walked out to his bedroom--him and his wife's, bedroom. He began to take his clothes off, throwing his shirt to the floor as Svetlana walked in, closing the door behind her.

"They're asleep"

"good" he mumbled, pulling his pants down. Svetlana got under the covers, Mickey glanced over at her, their eyes locking.

"What?" she asked, Mickey shrugged. He wasn't thinking about anything, really.

Helplessly horny, though, he got under the covers, grasping onto Svetlana's face. The look she gave him wasn't one she usually gave, Mickey kissed her softly, running his hands down to her knees to lift up her nightie up, she sat up to let him pull it over her head. Their lips met again, in a careless embrace, Mickey grabbing any part of her body that got her going.

It took Mickey a while to get hard, he just had to think about Ian, or any man, in general, mainly Ian though. Just remembering the way he touched Mickey made him go crazy.

He spread Svetlana's legs, thinking that just tonight, he'll let her have some fun too. He moved the part of her underwear that covered her, she let out a moan as he thrust into her. She broke their careless kiss away. Mickey stared down at her in confusion.

"What?"

"We're far behind on bills" she breathed "I think we need to be careful"

Mickey bit his lip, raising his brows high "You saying you don't want no more of my kids?"

Svetlana let out the one sentence she held back for years

"I would have them if you support them"


	15. Chapter 15

"Custody of the two minor children; Yevgeny Milkovich and Anastasiya Milkovich is awarded to plaintiff" the judge announced.

Mickey stared down at his feet, his dad was going to hate him for this and the thought of losing his kids like this was aching him. He loved his kids. This whole thing was stupid. He thought their marriage was something they agreed on in order to survive, but apparently Svetlana cared about it more than that and asked his dad what to do, that's how he ended up here and he was _hating himself_.

"defendant is ordered to pay child support to plaintiff in the sum of $125 a month for each of the minor children until they reach the age of 18"

 _Fuck_ , he couldn't afford that. He could barely afford them whilst being married.All that and he only gets one weekend a month with them? How is that fair?

"Milkovich Divorce granted the sixth day of November 1975"

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.

* * *

 

Ian knocked on the Milkovich's door, shivering from the Chicago weather. Mandy opened the door to smile at Ian who quickly walked inside.

"hey" she smiled at him

"Can't believe you've moved back here. It's fucking freezing" he pointed out, rubbing his own arms up and down, scanning his eyes around the house. He had never been here before, the place was scattered with weapons, beer bottles and ash trays, followed by more junk.

"Rent got too high. It's good to see you too, by the way" she laughed, Ian turning to her "oh yeah!" he embraced her in a tight hug, she laughed, pulling away from him.

"How's it been being back here?" Ian asked, Mandy gestured for him to sit on the couch as she went and sat beside him.

"eh, good" she smiled slightly before whispering in his ear "dads here, so if you got shit to say, lie" she pulled away as the words felt more coldness on his neck than the Chicago wind. They stared at each other with a nod of understanding.

"Who's this?" the gruff voice from behind them called, Ian turned to face the shirtless man that ruined his potential life. _Terry Milkovich_.

"This is Ian, dad" Mandy introduced "Gallagher"

"ah, your boyfriend huh?" he smirked at his daughter before grabbing his pack of smokes from the dining table, Ian furrowed his brows. _No_.

"Yeah" Mandy smiled, holding Ian's hand with her own, he stared at them. Then he understood.

_Lie_

He lit his smoke and the phone rang, Ian and Mandy both stayed quiet, watching as he picked up the phone. He was nothing like Mickey, he wasn't attractive, he was overweight and ugly compared to Mickey's sweet face. Maybe this is what drugs and going to Prison does to you. He almost wanted to throw up being in the same room as him, in the same room where Mickey was beat senseless.

"Hello?...Hey Lana! I know he's a piece of shit...I'm probably gonna fucking bash the shit out of him the minute he walks through the door" he laughed, it was loud and obnoxious and Ian was honestly so confused and also panicked at the threat.

"I'm glad you got custody, he's a shitty father"

Was he talking about Mickey?

"Hey look, you're welcome to move in with us if you need a place."

Ian looked at Mandy who was still watching her father. He needed to know what the hell happened.

"He doesn't deserve to be happy, Lana. You live free now...yeah, talk to you later. Ciao" he coughed as he hung up, putting his cigarette to his lips.

"Mickey?" Mandy wondered, Terry exhaled the smoke. Ian watched how he rubbed his stomach, letting out a burp as he carelessly talked about his son.

"Fuckhead finally got divorced last week. He can't do anything right, asshole don't deserve it. I might put a bullet in his head if he comes through that door" he casually spoke with a laugh, making his way to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Ian almost jumped out of his skin, he finally saw what Mickey was so afraid of.

"Mickey got a divorce?" Ian asked quietly Mandy nodded, looking at him

"it just didn't work, I feel more sorry for the kids"

" _the kids_ " Ian sighed, he couldn't imagine what he could be going through.

"Hey, he didn't really seem to like her from the beginning so..."

"Yeah, but he still must feel like hell"

"I'd have no clue" Mandy shrugged "He never calls, I always hear shit from Svetlana, she always says things like he's a drunk, won't support his kids or treat his wife with respect or whatever"

"hm" Ian looked down at his thigh where Mandy's hand somehow managed to end up mindlessly.

"I gotta go" he told her, standing up with sudden realization. _They could be together_.

Mandy furrowed her brows in confusion "go where?"

"To Mickey, he must be lonely, might need a friend to go and cheer him up, you know?"

"You haven't seen him in six months?"

"So? You haven't seen him in seven years" he almost scowled, Mandy just huffed, not knowing where his attitude was coming from.

"Gotta go" he smiled, kissing his best friends cheek before running out into the sharp Chicago cold that was totally worth it, for Mickey Milkovich.

 

Mickey was just helping his kids into his new (old) car when a familiar truck pulled up, he almost couldn't believe it. _Ian Gallagher_.

"What the fuck?" he muttered.

"What is it?" Yevgeny asked, Mickey ignored him, wondering over to the pick-up truck as it parked in the yard in front of his new (also old) ranch.

Ian Gallagher jumped out of his truck with a wide smile, putting his hands up in the air, noticing the heavy amount of stubble growing among Mickey's face.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he wondered in total surprise.

"I heard about the divorce" Ian smiled, clapping his hands together. He wasn't going to drive 20 hours for nothing, right?

Mickey quickly licked his lips, Ian went to hug him but Mickey instantly flinched back.

"uh, come here" he awkwardly asked, throwing Ian aback as he guided him to his car, looking in to see his two kids. A 12 year old boy that looked so similar to both his parents with black hair and lively blue eyes and a 11 year old brown-haired daughter with green eyes just like her mothers, only more innocent. Ian was mentally kicking himself. _Shit_.

"This is Ian Gallagher, that fishing buddy I told you about."

"Oh" Yevgeny smiled "Hey" he said, followed by the short whisper of "Hello" from his daughter.

"Hey" Ian smiled softly, now this was embarrassing.

Mickey cleared his throat, pulling Ian away from his car "How'd you hear about the divorce!?" he almost forced the question down Ian's throat. His eyes shifted before looking in Mickey's eyes, now gaining crows feet. He always forgot how much time passed whenever he saw Mickey.

"I uh, was at Mandy's and Svetlana called your dad and I-"

"fuck" Mickey muttered, taking a deep breath "You should've at least sent a card or something, Gallagher. Jesus"

Ian's smile was definitely fading now "I-I just missed you...I keep seeing you less and less"

Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose "look man, I really would love to be with you tonight but I've got the kids this weekend and I only get them once a month" he explained, Ian's eyes now met to the rocky road as the wind shifted through him. It didn't really phase him too much.

"I'm sorry" Mickey whispered, Ian nodded "I-I just thought...never mind" he smiled sadly, looking in Mickey's eyes one more time.

Mickey felt more shit now than ever, he could tell he was making Ian miserable, it was killing him.

"I'll see you next month" Ian told him, walking back to his truck and just like that, getting in and driving away.

Mickey felt his throat get choked up and he shook his head and cleared his throat. _Don't think of him until the girls get home_.

 

Once Ian had reached Chicago, his mind was so clouded from those 20 hours, yelling different things in his mind. _It won't fucking happen dammit stop trying._ He was so lost, he spent the whole way there imagining a life--fuck, he spent the past twelve years imagining a life with Mickey. Where they'd wake up next to each other, be content with just each other. He was sick of his heart doing this constant pushing and pulling thing. He was angry, sad, lost and confused for the first time in twenty years and instead of stopping at home, he drove right on through.

He pulled up outside the bar he still worked at in Boystown. He wasn't told to work today, but he thought hell, he needed to be paid for something, give him money for the gas he just wasted.

He walked in and pushed his way through everyone till he reached the bar.

"Cheapest vodka. Leave the bottle" he told the bartender, Craig? Josh? he couldn't remember.

It only took half a bottle till he felt some sort of drunk, it wasn't a happy drunk, though, like he was used to. His head was aching and he felt numb, so he downed a few more shots. He was putting himself for sale here, where was his customer?

"hey" Ian heard the voice from behind him, he downed his next shot, turning in his daze to find a dark-haired man, tan, bulky, manageable.

"Hey" Ian laughed

"How much?" he asked, Ian smirked grimly, he wan't sure if the guy couldn't stop moving or if his head was spinning.

"How much you got?"

"500 dollars and three pills" Ian held his hand out, gesturing for him to hand it over. He watched as he couldn't feel it, the mans hand running up his thigh as the money and pills were passed over. He felt a warm touch on his neck and let out a sigh, downing the pills before slipping the cash in his pocket.

He turned to the man and stood up, the man caught him as he stumbled. Ian almost started laughing at himself because, wow by now, he was feeling great.

The man lead him up the alleyway besides the bar, the smell of warm beer and cat piss were ones he became confused with. The darkness kind of made Ian forget that though.

"What are you going to do with me?" The man whispers, pressing a kiss to Ian's neck.

Ian pinned the man to the whatever hard surface was nearest, he presumed it was a brick wall. He grabbed the mans face, pressing his lips deeply onto his before pulling away.

"Give you the best blow job you'll ever have"

 

"Ian! Jesus, Ian!" a familiar voice shouted, Ian jolted awake, feeling himself shake from the cold air as he looked up, squinting his eyes at the light to see his manager slumped over him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worried and Ian almost laughed because obviously, he fucking wasn't. But he nodded anyway, sitting up to realize he was on the curb. _The fucking curb_. His truck was parked 4 feet away but he still slept on the fucking hard, dirty curb.

Holy fuck though, his brain was throbbing, he had no idea what happened, all he feels right now is pain in his head, heart burn and his knees stinging like hell. Why was his knees stinging like hell?

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Adam asked "get you a coffee or something?" he offered, Ian instantly turned him down, grabbing onto his arm so he could lift himself up.

This was when he figured his knees must've been on the concrete for more than five minutes last night.

"You look terrible, what happened?" he wondered, Ian stared at him through hazy vision. Did he take something?

"Drunk happened, it always happens" he told him "don't worry about it" he ensured with a smile before reaching his hands in his pockets. One had his keys, the other had nothing.

That's when he remembered he got _five hundred fucking dollars_ last night.

"Fuck!" he almost shouted, making Adam jolt "Fucking asshole took my money!"

"What asshole?" the curly brown haired man asked Ian just let out an angry groan

"I'll see you around Adam"


	16. Chapter 16

Ian tried to avoid the way his head ached the whole way home, he avoided how shaky he felt and he avoided the sting in his knees. He knew why he did what he did and he wasn't going to regret it because he felt he had no right to feel sorry about himself.

He was pissed off about that $500 though.

And hell, this pain was great at covering the ache he really felt, but he told himself to get over it, to stop being such a fucking pussy.

Pulling up at home, he got out as he usually would and ran inside to the smell of something only he'd forget. _Thanksgiving_.

He walked through the door into the living room where he fully embraced the smell, the food was cooking away and no one was around beside Fiona and Jimmy who cuddled up on the couch, but the vibe coming from them wasn't a very positive one. Ian dropped his bag and Fiona looked over at him with wide eyes "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"Dunno, does it look bad?" Ian wondered, going and sitting in the armchair. Oh god it felt so much better than that curb did.

"Just wash up and get some rest before everyone comes over and you'll be fine" She told him with a softer smile, running her fingers through her boyfriends hair who looked sad. And not like boohoo shit happened sad, like, Ian last night sad.

"What's wrong with him?" Ian had to ask, Jimmy sighed and looked at Ian to simply say three words.

"My dad's dead"

When Ian thought his ache couldn't get any worse, it did.

Jimmy stood up and grabbed his beer, taking a full gulp of it before burping "I'm surprised you didn't see him" He told Ian "He was killed in Boystown"

The pit in Ian's stomach just grew bigger, but he had to wonder "last night?"

Jimmy nodded, Fiona quickly placed her hand on Ian's knee, Ian almost yelped from the pain.

"I want you to stop working there, okay?"

Ian ignored her typical worrying "Did they find out who did it? Did anyone care?"

"No nobody cared because it was _fucking_ Boystown!" Jimmy raised his voice "Oh and you know what this means? This means my father was secretly a homosexual, Ian, and I don't mean to be rude but hey, have you fucked my dad?"

Ian felt tears rocket to his eyes fast, he blinked them away. Why was he yelling?

"Hey!" Fiona yelled now, Ian stood up and couldn't stand the anger in his throat

"You think I fucked him because I work there? You think I'm queer trash like everyone else? Do you!?" he yelled, making his way closer, Jimmy took a step back.

"You don't know shit about me! You need to learn when to shut the fuck up, okay? Respect your goddamn father" he spat, grabbing his bag to make his way up the stairs. He couldn't take this shit anymore. Even for a Gallagher this was far too much.

* * *

 

Now this was fucking awkward. Only a few weeks after the divorce went through, his kids invited him to Thanksgiving dinner, they pleaded and pleaded and insisted that Svetlana was okay with it.

But was she really okay with it when he showed up at the door and her face looked like she'd seen a ghost, like every time she saw him now.

Was it really okay when her new boyfriend was by her side trying to show off how lucky was?

Was he supposed assume that it was okay when Svetlana openly announced that she was pregnant with Brad's stupid ugly child.

Mickey assumed yes.

The table was often quiet, Mickey had to say grace for the first time in his whole life. Hell, he never really did Thanksgiving till the kids where old enough to start questioning why they were the only kids in town who didn't do it.

But literally _Thank God_ when everyone had finished their meals, that fat prick Brad took off to watch TV with Mickey's god-darn kids and he offered to help Svetlana do the dishes, only because he couldn't stand another moment with that dick, all he did was flaunt his money and rodeo-ing career as if he were a god.

 _Well_ Mickey said _at least I'm not balding at 32_

Although, he did pick out his first grey hair the other day. He didn't freak out too much, but he did when he saw Ian's hair a darker color than usual, laughter lines beginning to show and that's the moment Mickey realized too that he forgot how much time goes by when he's without Ian. He thinks his life is always on standstill when he's without Gallagher, but it never fucking stops.

Svetlana passed him a wet plate to which Mickey voluntarily dried.

"I wish you show this much enthusiasm for helping when we were married" she confessed, Mickey just huffed.

"Fuck off"

"Hm" she mumbled, going back to washing the dishes. But it was only short quiet moments till she brought up the question that Mickey hoped she'd never ask

"You still fish with Gallagher boy?" Mickey hesitated as she took the plate from her, wiping it as he thought of a response.

"Yeah, not often, I guess"

She just nodded, looking back down at the soapy water"I always wonder why you never brought any fish home" she shrugged "you always use same excuse. We ate them all or _no fish were willing to bite_. One night, I decided to get your fishing case that still had price tag after five years, I put a note on hook _Bring home some fish love, Lana_ "

Mickey stared at her, his gut churning at her pause.

She looked Mickey dead in the eye as she said her next sentence "You came home with no fish and say you ate them"

Mickey looked down, one word yelled in his mind. _Fuck_.

"I look in case and I saw my note still tied there" Her face turned sour with emotional pain Mickey hardly saw from her, he just raised his eyebrows, standing his ground.

"The fuck you getting at, huh!?"

Her voice trembled with some form of anger "You and orange boy--You never fish, you and him _fuck_ like your daddy taught you not to-"

Mickey felt anger flush his face, grabbing Svetlana by her wrist tight, turning her around to slam her against the counter. She barely flinched.

"You breathe a fucking word about what you think you know, I promise you your kids are gonna be fucking orphans" He threatened, looking her staight in the eyes.

She smirked with a smug look "You think you scare me? You're 130 pounds of Ukrainian pussy. What's your father gonna say when I speak to him and tell him you spend everyday with orange boy rubbing your dicks together? He's going to cut yours off, and shove it up boyfriends anus, right where you like it."

" _Fuck_ you" he shoved off her, feeling his chest begin to become heavy with panic. She just stared at him and Mickey just began to walk out. He had to get away. He couldn't deal with this shit.

"Daddy?" Ana called after her dad. Mickey grabbed his coat off the couch, ignoring his kids. He knew some shit would go down if he stuck around. He made it out the door, skipping down the front steps of Svetlana's new home to his car, his kids voicing calling to him

"Dad?"

"Daddy?"

"Bye!"

He shook them off, starting his car so he could speed down the road. _Fuck_.

* * *

 

Ian was still in disbelief.

_how_

why

who

It was still aching him, even more so as he watched a man who was gentle and kind to him be lowered six feet under.

 _fuck_ he thought _why him_

Worst part was, that any normal person who had a relationship like he had with Ned would be sobbing so hard they sounded like a banshee. But not Ian, no. He let out silent tears and all he felt was loneliness, wishing he had Mickey because Ned was the one person who temporary kept Ian's heart together till Mickey would see him again and with age, Ian became more a carer rather than a some twink. He cared for the old man, but he always wanted Mickey. He wanted the smell of Mickey's hair in his nostrils whilst his hands trailed around lower back, imagining Mickey whisper soft nothings to soothe Ian whilst he mourned his now-former fuck buddy/Fiona's boyfriends, father.

Shit, Mickey didn't even know about Ned.

 _Oh god_ Ian cried silently _why_

He hadn't felt so lonely, so sick and so devastated all at once. I mean, not even his own father was dead yet. He wondered for a moment if that would make this any easier, watching as Fiona and his siblings, all huddle around Jimmy, all just comforting, mourning. Ian just stared, he didn't believe he belonged here, almost thought he didn't deserve this family, he deserved to be on that curb again, waiting for another $500 to come along.

Wiping his eyes, his 25 year old sister Debbie turned to him, holding his hand out with a sad smile. Ian sighed, taking a deep breath, reaching for her hand as she pulled him in for a hug, her head resting upon his shoulder. He let out a shaky breath. This wasn't going to be easy.


	17. Chapter 17

When Ian woke after the funeral, he thought it had finally settled in. Ned was gone, he was always going to be gone before Ian anyway. It was one of those situations where one thought leads to another then another. Typically in the same order _shit_ , _he's really gone, I hope they find who did it, oh god, I can't imagine what would happen if Mickey were to die. What would he do if I died? What if I die oh fuck, I don't want to die._

Death gave Ian the worst anxiety he'd ever experience. Whether there was a heaven or he'd be stuck with nothingness forever, it terrified him. It was almost as bad as when Debbie went through her obsessd with death phase, not that Ian was obsessed. Just scared. He hadn't really lost someone that close to him before. His Grammy, sure, but they weren't that close, hell, even Frank was still alive kicking on his last legs. Maybe Gallagher's live to be a hundred. Maybe.

The morning was just as quiet as the night was, Liam was tired. Lip even decided to move back in for a bit to help out because Fiona was too preocupied with Jimmy and was expecting (she announced it at Ned's wake) Plus, Jimmy was a wreck. Everyone would roll their eyes because he was a bit of a drama queen, but his dad did pass away, so it was still understandable.

"Yo, wanna do somethin' today?" Lip asked, nudging his brothers side who neglectfully declined. He felt kind of bad to shake his head at him. He never saw him anymore.

"Not in the mood"

Lip huffed, kneeling his head on the palm of his hand as he leaned over the table.

"Why are you so..."

Ian met with his worried gaze

"Sad"

"Don't worry about it" he gave him an honest smile, Lip just cleared his throat.

"Fine, whatever dude suit yourself" he breathed, getting up to gather the dishes together.

"I'm visiting Mandy today" he casually told Ian who was almost shocked.

"What, why?"

"Miss her. You and Fiona talk about her so much and I don't know--"

"Fuck, Lip" Ian stood up, helping drag dishes to the sink

"You better not treat her badly or I'll shoot your ass"

"I'm not 16 anymore man. I'm--we're heading towards 40. Don't you think it's time to broaden our horizons?"

Ian stared at his brother with a blank face "You realize I'm gay, right? there's no broadening shit for me in this century, and 32 is not 40" he pointed out, starting the water.

"So? You can go find a guy"

"I have a guy"

Lip laughed softly, adding soap to the water

"In the closet Mickey Milkovich who you see once to three times a year? Yeah, sure, you got a guy"

Ian felt the annoyance of his brother creep up on him "Then what? You expect me to find someone new? I've been in this for far too long--"

"Just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you're doomed"

"Well maybe I like being doomed" Was all he said before heading up stairs to get dressed out of his pajamas and into something far nicer. He thought he should go see Mandy with Lip. God knows what kind of shit Lip might pull on her and it was better than staying at the place he grew up in at 31, whilst Carl, Debbie and Lip all had moved out, got jobs, a spouse, all those things Ian wanted whilst stuck in an internal standstill for Mickey Milkovich. All he had to say was yes and they could go, but Ian knew why, he met why, and he knew that he just had to be okay with it.

By the time Ian had gotten ready and finished brushing his teeth, their was a hard knock at the door that made him furrow his brows. Anyone they know just walks in, so who the hell is this.

"Lip!" He called out, heading downstairs to do a head check. Where the fuck was he?

With a sigh, he predicted Lip left whilst he had the chance and proceeded to make his way to the door, opening it to find the biggest shock in his life.

"Mickey?" his voice creaked, he looked slightly panicked, like he just drove 20 hours whilst drugged up. He licked his lip before nodding.

"Yeah"

"What are you doing here?"

"Fuck, please don't ask questions yet I got here the second I had the chance and I don't want to stay here much longer. You wanna head out for the weekend?"

Ian gave him a smitten grin "really?"

Mickey rose his eyebrows in a way to say 'yeah, duh' Ian bit his lip

"Do you want to come inside?"

"Nah, I'll wait in the car, just get your shit together and we can go" he told him, Ian nodded and closed the door in Mickey's face to ran upstairs and grab his duffle, shoving almost every bit of clothing he had.

Once he was packed he ran down to the kitchen, grabbing a pen and notepad to quickly scrawl down

_Hey, heading out of town for a few days. Be back soon, love you, Ian._

He felt like a teenager, having to let his parents know that he was going to be out of the house. It made him feel bad that he hadn't moved out yet--Maybe that's what he should do when he gets back, look for his own place.

Scratching that thought for now, he ran out to Mickey's busted dark green impala that started with a roar. Ian opened the door, getting in and even before he could shut it, Mickey was driving away.

"Why you in such a rush?" Ian asked with a smirk, Mickey rolled his eyes, focusing as he head towards the Highway "Because I didn't want anyone to see me, fuckhead"

"Why would you care if people saw you?" Ian wondered, putting his bag over to the back seat, Mickey licked his lip quickly

"I just got a divorce to the bitch my dad made me marry, so if he saw me, I'd for sure get a bullet in my head"

"He mentioned that" Ian mumbled, Mickey almost had an alarm going off in his head. "What?"

"Yeah, with Mandy, your dad got off the phone to Svetlana and said all this shit about you" Mickey let out a sigh, nodding his head

"Sounds about right"

"Mandy saved my bacon, too. Said I'm her boyfriend to call off your dad if shit went south"

Mickey rose an eyebrow "why can't she stay at yours?"

"Because I'm thirty one and should probably have my own place? And Lip went over there today, try and reunite their long lost love"

"Jesus" he huffed "last thing we need is for a Gallagher and a Milkovich to have a kid"

Ian laughed, as if it were ironic.

 

As they ended up on an open road, Ian put his hand over to Mickey's that idled on his thigh. Mickey didn't even flinch, the way Ian thought he would as his fingers softly ran their way around his palm, Mickey entwined their fingers, focusing on the road. Ian had a unmovable grin, looking out at the grass and trees either side of the road. There was literally nothing here but farms.

"How long we been driving?" Ian asked, Mickey looked at his watch quickly

"forty minutes, why?"

"Can we stop at the next town and stay there the weekend?"

"Why? You getting sick of Brokeback?" Mickey asked with a grin, Ian scoffed, leaning his head over.

"I'd just prefer a place that was warm and has good water pressure...and, you know" Ian smirked "I miss you, Mick"

Mickey chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, wishing the next town were five minutes away. "Pontiac is the next town over, it'll take an hour to get there"

"Pull over then" Ian simply said with a shrug, Mickey shook his head "Why?"

"Because I want to kiss you"

"Jesus Christ" he huffed "you want to spread a blanket out and look for shooting stars next?" He came back, even though he could feel his insides getting all jittery, then he came up with an excuse, slowly moving off the road to a stop. Ian smiled triumphantly.

"You're lucky I gotta piss"

Ian watched Mickey get out and jumped over to the backseat of the car, checking out his hair in the rear-view mirror.

Once Mickey was tapped off and dry, he went to open his car door before realizing Ian was in the back, his eyebrows rose, moving his hand to the back door, opening it to peer his head in at the goofy looking redhead who sat in the far corner sprawled out. Mickey let out a laugh.

"The fuck are you doing?"

"trying to seduce you, it workin'?" He smirked

"Man I haven't been laid in seven months, you wearing a tutu would seduce me" Mickey honestly told him, Ian wore a wider grin now.

"Well I'll keep that in mind for next time, now get in here" He almost breathed, Mickey got in, closing the door behind him. Ian's hand made it's way to Mickey's now smooth un-stubbly cheek, stroking his softness with his thumb as Mickey quickly licked his lips. Each kiss with Gallagher was as exhilarating as the last.

Leaning almost completely on top of him now, his head pressed to Ian's. Ian put his other hand on the other cheek, dragging both hands to the nape of his neck to carefully place his lips upon Mickey's. Mickey gently held onto Ian's chin, kissing him softly, their eyes closing as they pulled away for a second, Mickey's lip twitched with how his heart began to pound, pressing his lips harder onto the Gallagher's. His hands fumbling to undo the first few buttons of Ian's flannel shirt. Ian quickly grabbed Mickey's wrists, pulling away.

"Slow, Mick...We have time" he whispered, Mickey almost sunk into his smooth voice, his hands sliding around his nape now, Ian's holding the curve of Mickey's hips. Their lips moved in the exhilarating motion, Mickey nipping softly on his bottom lip as he begged for something deeper. Ian slowly guided his tongue in, tasting Mickey as their tongues bumped, slowly entwining between kisses as Mickey made his way completely on top of Ian, pressing his hard crotch on his. He pulled away with an exhale, Ian instantly nipping his jawbone, kissing to his neck.

"C-Can I take your clothes off, please?" Mickey let out a soft moan as Ian's hot breath and tongue worked against Mickey's neck, hands tracing lower and lower into his jeans.

"Is that a f-fucking yes or what?"

Ian chuckled pulling away to look up at him

"I like it when you plead"

"Then _please_ take _my_ clothes off"

Ian smirked, grabbing onto Mickey's asscheeks hard, pulling slightly.

"Please" he breathed, leaning into his ear " _Please_...Ian"

Ian hummed sliding a finger slowly to run over his sensitive rim, he almost gasped. Ian's other hand pulling the collar of Mickey's shirt to kiss along his collarbone, his finger moved in circles. Mickey chuckled at the pleasure running through him "stop fucking teasing me you asshole and fuck me"

Ian pulled away, their eyes meeting.

"Please..." Mickey breathed a whimper.

Ian went from a straight face to a grin, moving his hands to Mickey's jeans. They both laughed, Mickey almost screaming in victory. They moved quicker now, fumbling to pull off each others shirts and jeans that were holding them back from each other.

Once successfully completely naked, Mickey's lips latched onto Ian's neck, sitting up a bit. Ian spat on his hand, lubricating Mickey quickly who slowly slid his way onto Ian's dick, letting out a low groan.

"Fuck..."

Ian watched Mickey circle his hips, holding onto him as he moved. God, Ian couldn't believe how lucky he was, watching Mickey just ride him so smoothly, keeping his eyes closed as he got into the moment. Ian couldn't help but put his hands all over Mickey's body from face to his chest, he could feel the heat inside of him, and he wasn't sure how long they both were going to last.

Mickey began to move faster, Ian grunted, throwing his head back as the pressure became tighter, harder as he moved, panting from how hard he was working. Strength doesn't come with age.

"S-Shit" Mickey slouched over Ian, continuing to move, his bright eyes quickly looking in Ian's pleadingly, Ian instantly grasped his ass, positioning himself so he could thrust up into Mickey, he bit his lip to hold back his loud whimpers.

"God--fuck" Ian muttered, pounding into Mickey "You look so good" he pushed out "Hot, beautiful--Oh Mick"

Mickey quickly covered Ian's mouth to shut him up, his words would just make him come faster. he worked against his cock as it pounded into him, Ian's hand grabbing onto Mickey's length to speed up the process. They both knew what they wanted now, they held back for long enough.

Ian began to pump him fast as they moved in this quick pace, Mickey could feel it building in his stomach, his fingers digging into the car door, clenching his eyes so tight because god, GOD, he was close. He ignored how the leather squeaked beneath him, he ignored the fact he was in a car, he ignored everything besides the way Ian made him feel and the way Ian was moaning.

"O-Oh fuck!" he whimpered, pushing himself harder and harder onto Ian, who was panting beneath him.

His hand that covered Ian's mouth quickly moved to Ian's chest, and in 3 hard movements, he crippled, a loud orgasm leaping out his chest, his legs shivering as he collapsed, his hands grabbing onto the closest thing that it could. Pulling onto the door handle as he came, the door falling open as he lay on Ian's chest.

"Shit!" he muttered, Ian's head was out of the car, laughing hysterically, Mickey flushed pink.

He managed to get the door closed once Ian regained some sort of consciousness.

"Did you wanna finish?" Mickey breathed, Ian smirked.

"I already did, you were enjoying yourself so much you didn't really notice"

Mickey stared down at his pale chest, smiling at how great it was to be here with him, his body heat the only thing keeping him warm. Ian was radiating with a gorgeous soft smile, pulling Mickey carefully to press their foreheads together.

They just breathed each other in with their eyes closed, Ian opened them to admire Mickey, even just his long lashes in front of his.

"I-" he breathed, Mickey opened his eyes, fluttering Ian's heart and leaving him breathless. He pressed his lips to Mickey's instead, the two of them kissed for a little bit, lazily and softly till Mickey decided they should get back on the road.

 

Zipping up his pants and jumping back into the front seat, Mickey tucked his shirt into his jeans, Ian jumping over fully clothed a moment later.

Mickey started the Impala with roar, rolling down his window a little bit.

"Hey, grab out the smokes from the glove compartment" he ordered Ian who immediately did so as Mickey began driving back at full speed to Pontiac.

"Want me to light it for you?" Ian asked, pulling a smoke out, Mickey instantly nodded, just listening to the air ripple through the car.

"I hope nobody saw us" he admitted, Ian laughed

"Don't worry, we were hidden and they would've gone past so fast" he licked his lips

"So" Ian inhaled the smoke, passing it over as he exhaled "Why were you so panicky when you came to rescue me from my shitty life?"

Mickey shrugged, grabbing the cigarette, focused on the road as he inhaled it into his lungs.

"I wanted to come weeks ago" he admitted with an exhale "I had to spend Thanksgiving with Svetlana and her new boo" he licked his lips, taking a shaky drag before passing it back "She told me she knew about us"

"Shit" Ian sat up straighter, looking at Mickey with the exact panic he had "How?"

"Dunno, I guess she figured it out. Said something about hanging a note on my line about bringing home fish, and then I didn't"

"That's not enough proof!" Ian argued "There had to be something else"

"Maybe, I-I don't know man she just threatened to tell my dad and I left. I've had to work but all I wanted to do was come and take you away with me for a bit in case my dad went after you" he confessed, swallowing the lump in his throat "I was terrified dad would see me and knock my brains out."

Ian watched the cigarette burn to its core, remembering Terry Milkovich's fearful form before remembering something else, he mumbled "Aguirre knew"

"Huh?" Mickey said, confused as to what he just heard.

"Aguirre, that's why he didn't want to accept me that Summer, not that he cared about us, he said that he wasn't paying us to let the dogs do the work whilst we fuck"

"Shit...are we that clueless?"

"I think we used to be" Ian told him, flicking the smoke out his window "We're good, Mick. Trust me and your dad, he wont be anywhere near me anytime soon, I promise."

Mickey just nodded, eyes on the road as he quietly drove, Ian sighed, slouching down to reach over to his lover's hair, running his fingers through the raven black hair, just admiring as he drove.

 

Mickey pulled up to the first Motel they saw, exactly an hour later like Mickey said (despite the pit stop to have sex).

Mickey got out of the car, telling Ian to stay behind and get their bags whilst he got a room. Ian grabbed the two bags, one actually being a pillowcase and he leaned against the car as he waited, looking up at the cloudy sky. He wished that despite the weather, everyday was like this.

"Hey!" Mickey called out, catching Ian's attention, Mickey nodded his head towards room number 2, Ian smiled as he made his way over, following Mickey inside.

It was exactly as he expected, a shitty bed and TV, wood paneling covering the walls with shitty stained carpet beneath them. He threw the bags on the small round dining table in the kitchen area. Mickey instantly going to turn the TV on.

"You're hooked on that, aren't you?" Ian smirked, walking over to their bed for the night. It had been so long since he had a double bed, he happily relaxed on it.

Mickey nodded with a smile, walked over to crawl besides him on the bed "being married to hell for the past twelve years really make you a lazy shit"

Ian chuckled before grabbing Mickey's hand, playing with his fingers as he thought to himself. Mickey leaned his face in his other hand.

"Hey" Ian started, raising a question "Now that you're not married to Svetlana, can I call you my boyfriend?"

Mickey felt his insides bubble with excitement, but he pushed that down "fuck off"

_Yes_

Ian knew that's what he meant, allowing himself to hold his typical smitten grin, going back to focusing on Mickey's fingers.

"Your hands are so soft for a guy that could punch the shit out of anyone"

Mickey shrugged "oh yeah" he laughed "I'm thinkin' about getting tattoo's across my fingers" he joked

"oh really?" Ian raised his eyebrows, going along with the joke

"yeah, they'd say fuck u-up" he told him, drawing the U with his finger.

"pretty sexy" Ian smirked

"Yeah, it'd be typical South Side, everyone in Wyoming would be scared of me for sure"

"What?" Ian looked at him "They already aren't?"

"fuck off" Mickey laughed, shoving Ian completely onto his back, sitting up. "I'm starving. Want to head into town for a meal?"

"Yeah sure"

 

In the Diner, they didn't act how they did when they were alone. Both sipping on Coca Cola and enjoying a decent burger, just talking about life in the booth, no hand touching or kicking feet which Ian so playfully wanted to do.

"What's been up with you anyway?" Mickey asked Ian, chewing on a chip, staring at the Gallagher who huffed, not really wanting to talk about Ned yet.

"Nothing, really. Working, mostly, I got promoted to asisstant manager" he smiled, proud "I hang out with Mandy and my family mostly, though. I also enjoy writing lately"

Mickey nodded "not bad"

"Well, what about for you?" Ian wondered, changing the conversation "What's been going on with you?" he asked, biting into his burger, Mickey grinned, finding how he ate the burger to be adorable.

"Your burgers going to leak all over that shirt"

"Shut up" he mumbled with his full mouth, wiping his mouth with a serviette

"Well, uh" Mickey tried to think "I work, working on a cattle farm, my boss is a dick, more of a dick than Aguirre was, and I spend time with the kids when I can."

Ian nodded "sounds like we both live pretty boring lives"

"definitely" Mickey huffed in agreement.

The two continued to scoff their food into their starving mouths, Mickey screwing his nose up as the music changed on the Jukebox. He raised his eyebrows over to find a girl, at least twenty-five, one of those typical girls with short shorts and a singlet in the winter, swaying her hips to the worst possible song.

"Jesus" Mickey put his burger down to wipe his face

"Hey, you got a quarter?" he asked Ian who nodded "why?"

"So I can change this stupid fucking song" he grumbled, Ian pulling out his wallet

"What do you have against Sugar Baby Love?"

"Oh god if you're a Rubbets fan I might throw up"

Ian laughed "I'm not, but Fiona loves this song" he told him, sliding a few quarters across the table.

"Your sister has terrible taste in music--thanks" he responded, taking the coins and shuffling out of his seat to walk over to the Jukebox on the other side of the room, Ian eyeing him the whole time.

Mickey looked through the selection of songs, the girl who was swaying looked at him.

"There a problem?"

"Yeah, your music taste is shit" he told her as nicely as she could.

"Just sounds like you need someone to dance with" she smirked, Mickey looked up to her brown eyes, turning to her as she bit her lip.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you look like you need a dance" she bumped her hip into Mickey. He hadn't felt so uncomfortable since Thanksgiving.

"No thanks, I'm good"

She hummed, running her hand across Mickey's shoulder. Ian watched from afar, his hands clutching as he bounced his leg rapidly. If Mickey won't tell her to back off he would.

"Seriously, I'm good" he told her, going back to select a song.

"Well, you'll find a girl that makes you sway soon enough" she smirked, walking away confidently although she was defeated. Mickey just shook his head, putting the quarters in to select a song. Mickey started making his way back to the table, Ian was laughing now.

"Always Yours? I never knew you were a Gary Glitter fan" he grinned, his ears catching at the lyric

_I'm still your blue eyed boy, please don't cry if I pass you by 'cause I'm always, always yours._

"Fuck off! it's a hit!" Mickey argued, sitting back in the booth where Ian just gave him a smug look.

"yeah, about five months ago, Mick--Shit, I was positive you were going to go home with that girl instead of me" he admitted, Mickey grinned

"You jealous?"

"never" he winked before singing, pointing to Mickey "That's me! That's me! Your sneaky, cheeky, boyyyyy!"

"Shut the fuck up" Mickey told him, feeling his face flush hot as he finally could finish his meal, Ian dancing in his seat as he picked at the chips in front of him like the little piece of shit Mickey knew he was. All of a sudden, though, Always Yours was Ian's favorite song, now that it reminded him of Mickey.

_You know, I know, I'd never, never let you go_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the rest of the chapters when I get up tomorrow (I'm actually from Australia so if I get any American things wrong let me know)  
> This is personally my favourite chapter, but I can't wait to share the rest of the story with you <3
> 
> Also, here's my tumblr in case you were wondering or wanted to contact me http://ivegotamagicpenis.tumblr.com/


	18. Chapter 18

Mickey woke up on that Sunday morning feeling better than he had in a long while, Ian's arm wrapped over his naked body lazily as he snoozed behind him. Mickey couldn't help but smile, Ian made him feel happy but he frustrated himself, because he knew he could never move out with Ian, never say I love you without it hurting, and never be able to spend each day till he died with Ian.

He rolled over, looking at the sleeping Gallagher with a slight smile. He was thankful, Ian looked beautiful asleep and it was also a moment where Ian was his most quiet, but at the same time, whenever Mickey were alone in the quiet, all he'd want was to hear Gallagher blubber about his family, stupid things he's heard or current affairs, as if it really mattered deeply for him and Mickey, most of the time it didn't, especially when Mickey just wanted to have sex.

Ian's eyes fluttered, his head stirring as his dewy green eyes smiled at the sight of Mickey.

"Morning" he croaked

"hey" Mickey almost whispered, kissing Ian's dry lips softly, Ian kissed back before pulling away, licking his lips so he could get a better feel of Mickey on his lips.

"How are you?" Ian muttered, ignoring the taste of morning breath as their lips stayed together, kissing slowly, Mickey let out a happy moan.

"Wonderful" he mumbled in return, his hands moving to Ian's warm cheek, Ian smiling under their lips as they moved, slowly working the kiss deeper. Ian rolled him onto his back, Mickey's hands running over his shoulder blade as their lips worked, slowly building the passion as they began to get turned on.

Mickey and Ian continued kissing at a sensual pace, their tongues teasingly touching and tasting each other between kisses. Ian ran his fingers slowly down Mickey's chest, making him tingle as his hand reached his length, pumping him slowly, the grip on his hand tight. Mickey let out the groan in his chest, nipping Ian's bottom lip as his hand instantly reached for the Gallagher's, pumping his dick at the same slow, hard pace.

Ian sighed into a more passionate kiss now, not for one second pulling away as both boys worked each other, moving their hands in different rhythms, running their thumbs over their slit where pre-come was helping the situation get easier.

Mickey breathed hard into Ian's mouth as the both worked faster, both clenching their eyes shut now that their tongue's were going in a sloppy, heavy embrace. Faster, faster they pumped, continuing to do so till the other was shaking, and not even stopping there, continuing to tease and jolt and massage till both were panting, thrusting into each others hands and breathing each other in as the groans rose from their chest, kissing hard as that pleasure rocketed through them like a bullet, they orgasmed into each others touch, both pumping slowly to let themselves calm down completely from their orgasm.

"Fuck" Mickey breathed, leaving Ian chuckling, kissing Mickey softly on the forehead.

"That's one way to wake up" he grinned, causing Mickey to smile as he looked up at the Gallagher.

"If only this could last forever" Mickey let slip through his teeth

"Why wouldn't it?" Ian wondered, raising a brow. Mickey ran his clean hand through Ian's deep red hair.

"We have to leave today, I have work tomorrow"

"Oh yeah" Ian frowned, Mickey smiled sadly now at the disappointed redhead.

"We'll go up to Brokeback in a few months, alright?"

"few months?" Ian said as if it were torture

"well, my boss isn't going to let me just take days off all the time. I'd rather get a week off and spend it all with you. I can't handle a night a week, the driving would kill me."

Ian nodded, understanding, as much as he didn't want to before getting up.

 

They got their shit together pretty quickly, Ian didn't want to be the reason Mickey was late for work or tired the next day and on the drive home, Ian turned on the radio, the both of them sharing smokes on the way back.

"You going to see Mandy?" Mickey wondered, passing the smoke over as he exhaled it through his nose.

"Yeah, probably" Ian smiled at him "Why?"

"Tell her that I miss her too" he told him, Ian's brows furrowed

"it's right around the corner, why can't you go visit?" Mickey gave him a quick look, then Ian realized. "Right, asshole father"

"yeah" Mickey sighed "I would visit, probably will with the kids in a few months, but not now. He'd cut my dick off" he mentioned, remembering the guy in the ditch, remembering Svetlana's threat, chewing his lip as he remembered that panic building up again. I guess the relief was only temporary.

Mickey pulled up in front of the Gallagher household, admiring how clean the outside of the house looked compared to his that was constantly trashed, from what he could remember.

Just as Ian went to get out, he turned to Mickey with a huff.

"Mick?"

"What?" he raised an eyebrow, Ian smiled softly.

"Can I have a kiss goodbye?"

"No" Mickey told him bluntly, Ian instantly looked down, causing Mickey to roll his eyes.

"Fuck it" he muttered, grabbing Ian's face, pulling him to his to kiss him more needing than he had hoped. Ian gripped onto his bicep, pulling away to press his lips in a better position, the both of them holding it for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Happy now?" Mickey breathed, Ian nodded.

"Yeah"

"Good" Mickey shoved him off playfully, trying to ignore the flush in his cheeks

"Now get out of here, punk" Ian smirked, opening the car door

"See you, remember to send a card"

Mickey saluted him "Yeah, soldier. Wouldn't forget"

Ian just smiled, closing the door behind him, Mickey quickly taking off before he would have to face any other Gallagher, feeling his lips tingle from a kiss that was meant to get him through the next few months.

* * *

 

Only a few years went by, numerous visits to Brokeback with Gallagher became less and less with how much work he was having to do. It was killing him inside, so just like every weekend, his made his way to the bar, downing shots of whiskey and drinking cheap beer.

This is what he always did, not because he wanted to socialize or anything, just so he could dwell in an environment where it wasn't what he was forced to call home. A ranch with little furniture was _not_ a home.

He sighed as a woman chose a shitty song on the Jukebox, he looked over, almost in shock to find the same woman from three years ago swaying to the Elvis Presley version of Unchained Melody.

"Jesus" he muttered, as if this was supposed to be some sort of gift or curse. He never liked her before, and he didn't like her now, even in her high waisted jeans and tight shirt. He sighed.

"Hello stranger!" she called out, walking over in her high heeled shoes.

"Since when do you live in Wyoming?"

"Since forever, I was travelling to Chicago when we met" She held a smug look that reminded him of a certain someone, he licked his lips.

"Well you don't have the same accent as every asshole here so where you from originally?"

"California. Wanted to get away, settle down, I am twenty-eight now"

"Yeah" Mickey huffed "I'm thirty-five, divorced with two kids. Trust me, shit happens"

She smiled, sliding her way into the chair in front of him.

"I never got your name, Honey, what is it?" she asked, Mickey began peeling the label off his beer bottle.

"Mickey"

"Okay Mick, I'm Daphnee" Mickey just nodded, focusing on the bottle. She tightened her brown haired ponytail.

"You found a partner to sway with yet?" she wondered, her red lips growing into a smirk. Mickey shook his head.

"Got better things to do"

"Really? Or can you just not Rock 'n' Roll, old man?" she smirked, Mickey rose his brows high, looking at her.

"What did you say?"

"Don't you know how to Rock 'n' Roll?"

"Jesus fucking Christ" he mumbled, getting up "Choose a fricken song, and it better not be a shitty one. I'll show you how to Rock 'n' Roll"

* * *

 

Daphnee became somewhat of a fixture after that night. She just kept Mickey entertained whenever he was without Ian. Mickey thought he had the right to tell Ian he had someone, him and Daph had been in his life for almost a year by now. His reaction was what he expected.

_"Really?" he huffed with a shrug "well, by the end of the day, you deserve happiness"_

Ian called this happiness? This was just a layer of fun to cover how shitty he felt.

"You wanna do something today?" Daphnee asked her boyfriend who was pulling his boots on.

"Nah, gotta get Yevgeny, I promised I would spend time with him since I missed last month."

"Can I come?" She smiled, hopeful, Mickey looked up at her from his rock-hard bed, knowing that if he said no, it would cause chaos.

"Yeah, fine"

"yay!" she clapped her hands "I love you baby" she kissed Mickey's cheek before heading out to the car.

"You too" he sighed. This would be interesting.

 

 

He pulled up to his ex-wife's house where Yevgeny was holding a happy smile, turned sour when he noticed Daphnee in the front. Oh god, how he didn't like her. It's not only that he didn't like her, his mom let him know who his dad was really interested in. He wasn't going to say a word though, because it didn't bother him, it just bothered him that he was covering it up with this piece of shit.

He began to move down the steps, holding what his mother described as an 'American Smile' before getting in the backseat, saying hello to the both of them.

Once they got to the local bar Mickey went to religiously, he got up, smoke lit between his lips to pick a song on the Jukebox, extremely picky with the music on there.

Yevgeny's eyes looked at his dad before he was distracted with that overly friendly voice.

"Yev, honey?"

"Yeah?" his eyes moved to Daphnee who smiled softly

"What do you think? Your daddy ever gonna want to settle down again?" She was smiling so hopefully, but Yevgeny being a Milkovich, he had no boundries.

"Don't know. Maybe he's not the marrying kind"

She let out a deep breath "You don't think so? Or don't you think I'm the one for him?"

Yevgeny let out a huff, looking at his Coke bottle before looking back up at her "You're good enough"

Daphnee looked down and laughed as Mickey picked My Sharona to play "You don't say much, but you get your point across"

"Sorry" _no he wasn't_ "I didn't mean to be rude" _yes he did_

She just smiled, shaking her head to say it's fine. Mickey came back over, patting his sons dark hair as he exhaled his cigarette, going to sit down till Daphnee pulled him right back up.

"You're standing on your feet cowboy, come on" She told him, dragging him onto the make-shift dance floor. Mickey gave his son an apologetic look as he was pulled.

Yevgeny sighed, mentally cringing at the sight of his dad trying to do the romance thing. He knew that's not who Mickey was, or not who he was supposed to be with her.

 

After Mickey took Yevgeny to his place for dinner and drove him home, Yevgeny had a question on his mind for hours, realizing as they approached his house that if he didn't ask now, he'd never get a chance.

"Dad?" the sixteen year old began, Mickey just hummed.

"I was thinking, with the new baby around, mom and Brad have been really f--" he stopped himself, Mickey laughed.

"Say it" he smirked

"really _fucking_ strict on me" the word kinda made him awkward to say around his dad but Mickey just laughed, proud.

"Go on"

"More strict on Me than Ana, even."

"It's probably because Brad's a sexist pig and Svetlana hates men"

Yevgeny laughed "Yeah, that's true but um, I was just wondering" He paused

"Maybe I could move in with you? I could help out, and you wouldn't be alone with Daphnee all the time" He smiled up at his dad hopefull, Mickey parked in front of his place with a sigh.

"You know I'm not capable of that" he looked his son in the eye with a sorry look "I'm not even going to be home most of the time and you wouldn't want to put up with Daphnee if I'm not there" Yevgeny looked down, Mickey bit his lip

"It's okay dad, just thought I should ask" Mickey put his hand on the back of his son's neck, squeezing lightly.

"I'm sorry, kiddo"

"It's okay dad" he smiled at Mickey before opening the car door

"I'll see you next Sunday after church, take you and Ana out, alright?" he told him, Yev just cracked a smile, licking his lips.

"bye dad"

He got out, going to close the door, his father calling behind him

"bye, son"


	19. Chapter 19

Ian parked his truck at their usual camping spot on a Monday night, unable to hold back his smile as he saw Mickey smoking a cigarette by the river. He had already set up everything they needed, lit the fire and all. Ian was so happy Mickey were able to get this time off, and was happy that he were able to see him again, despite all the fucked up shit happening behind the scenes of their lives.

Ian hopped out, shutting the door hard enough for Mickey to turn around. The smile that man held was priceless.

"You're late, asshole" Mickey said, lighter than usual. Ian just smiled wide, wrapping a hug around the Milkovich, who quickly sunk into him. 

"I'm sorry" Ian giggled, pressing his head into Mickey's shoulder "I missed you"

Mickey smiled, nodding "you too" he pulled away, taking the last drag of the cigarette before chucking it in the stream they camped by.

"You did all this?" Ian wondered, sitting by the fire in the camping chair. That was the only good thing to come around in the last 16 years of age was the improvement of camping gear, now they had a comfortable tent and chairs, nothing like what they had back in the day.

"Yeah, nothing better to do" Mickey shrugged it off, sitting in the chair next to him.

"When did you get here?"

"Few hours ago, it wasn't that bad, man. I got whiskey" he smirked, picking it up from the side of his chair to pass it to Ian who instantly started cracking into it.

"Always great"

"yeah" Mickey laughed before knowing he had to ask "How's shit back home?"

Ian shrugged "Mandy had a baby girl"

"What!?" Mickey raised his voice, he didn't even know she was pregnant.

"Yeah, Laura, her and Lip decided to keep this one"

"I really should visit, huh?" he chewed his lip, Ian nodded

"Probably, yeah. Debbie's pregnant, Liam's in college, Carl's having his first round of Jail, Fiona, Jimmy and Grace are all good"

"Yeah? and how is your little niece?"

"Best Gallagher there is" Ian laughed "Yeah" he sighed now "Still haven't made enough money to move out on my own though, I feel bad, Fiona is finally able to live her life and I'm in the way"

Mickey looked into the distance, nodding his head understandingly before he recouped old memories.

"What about that guy you told me about? The one who said would give you a lot of money if you asked?" Mickey wondered, locking his eyes onto Ian who seemed on edge now. Mickey raised his brows.

"Jesus, what?" he pestered, Ian pouted slightly, knowing he couldn't hold this from him anymore.

"It's a long story"

"oh yeah?" his eyebrows somehow rose higher, sitting straighter, knowing what this possibly could mean, the thought he always kept hidden.

"Was he your _boyfriend_?" the word almost hissed out of Mickey's mouth, Ian shook his head.

"Not really, I guess. I-I met him in Boystown, he was nice, gave me shit, ordered me room service. We were just flings"

"flings? fuck, how long?" Mickey wondered, wondering why the fuck wouldn't Ian let him know this? He almost felt his blood boil beneath his skin. He wasn't sure if he had a right to feel jealous, betrayed and hurt or not.

"A-A while, I mean, we were sleeping together for years but then he got older and he wasn't that interested and along the way I found out he was Jimmy's dad so eventually I became his carer, rather than a sex toy"

Mickey just stared at Ian, not even knowing what to say. He felt some sort of nausea at the term 'sleeping together'.

"Ned passed away a few years ago, on Thanksgiving, the one before you took me to Pontiac." he mumbled now, should Mickey feel bad that the fact that the dude was dead relieved him?

"Jesus Christ, Ian" he breathed, grabbing the whiskey from his hand to have a hit. He really needed that swig right at this moment.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I thought you'd get mad" he confessed, Mickey exhaled loudly at the burn of the cheap alcohol, clearing his throat.

"Of course I'm fucking mad" he sighed "but I'm fine with it."

"Good. I-I really want you to be fine with it" Ian spoke as if he really needed assurance, reaching over to Mickey to put his hand on Mickey's arm. Mickey passed the bottle back, looking down.

"Well I'm fine"

"Mick--"

"How'd the joker die anyway?" Mickey wondered, looking at Ian who was now a bit stiff. How exactly was he supposed to tell him.

"Murder" the word burned his tongue "Some guy bashed his head in then threw him over the fence into Lake Michigan" Ian almost felt his throat tighten, resting his head on Mickey's shoulder.

"Shit" Mickey mumbled, placing his hand on Ian's thigh, rubbing up and down to comfort him.

Mickey was scared now, knowing that it was most likely a fagbash that his dad and mates would do back in the day. He wouldn't know what to do if that were to be Ian.

But he shook it away, any ounce of jealousy, anger and fear he held simply because he had Ian now, and that's what mattered most, he had a week to spare with the man, and he wasn't going to waste it on drama that happened years ago.

"Truth is" Ian's breath was shaky now, hesitant at the next line that put Mickey's heart on hold "I miss you so much sometimes I can hardly stand it"

Mickey almost felt speechless, he didn't know how to respond, so he let his head rest upon his lover's because he knew, he missed him so much too.

 

The Tuesday morning, Mickey woke up without Gallagher wrapped around him under the blankets that kept them warm. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with his finger before pulling on his jeans and sweater on, rolling up the sleeves.

He unzipped the tent, pulling his boots on before stepping out, finding his favorite redhead by the campfire, cooking their favorite meal.

"Beans? You gotta be fucking kidding me" Mickey grumbled, sitting next to Ian.

"Just reliving the good old days" he laughed, looking at Mickey to place a hand on his cheek, Mickey just stared at Ian's green eyes who smiled so lively at him.

"You sleep well?" Ian asked, Mickey nodded "Yeah, like a baby"

"Oh I bet" he winked, hinting towards last nights sex which just made Mickey flustered "You ready for breakfast?"

Ian thought they could do something more fun here than lounge around a river all day. So he proposed they go out for a hike or something. Mickey went along with it, despite all the lazy complaints in his head. Ian filled a water bottle with the fresh water from the stream as Mickey put on his coat.

"Why a hike?" Mickey had to wonder "We can always do more fun things than that"

"You have a gun, right?" Ian asked, looking over at him as he tightened the cap of the bottle. Mickey pulled up his shirt to reveal the pistol in his waistband Ian grinned "Well lucky for you, it's hunting season. You always liked doing that shit."

Mickey scoffed "Only because it meant food that was something other than fucking beans"

Ian smirked as he began walking towards the trail "You coming or what short stack?"

"Fuck off, Don Koehler" he mumbled, charging ahead of the taller man which just caused him to laugh. _Asshole_.

 

The hike was pretty quiet, mostly, they spoke about small things like music to Ian's wonders in the world. You know those moments where you just spoke about life, death and everything in between? yeah, one of those.

"Have you thought about it?" Ian wondered as they hiked uphill among the trees and moss.

"Death? Who fucking hasn't, man" he bit his lip as he walked

"No I mean, after Ned I started thinking about my funeral--"

"What!?" Mickey's nose turned up, looking back at Ian "You shouldn't care about that shit, funerals are for the living, not the dead"

"Would you be there?" he wondered, Mickey stopped completely, turning completely to the Gallagher.

"What makes you think you're going to die first?"

"I don't, just wondering" he shrugged, Mickey huffed "Well, yes, I would be, now stop talking about it"

He began to walk up the hill, shaking the thought from his mind before Ian pulled him back, making Mickey slip and land on his ass in front of the Gallagher.

"Fuck" he muttered, mad that he just landed in a fuck-load of mud. But Ian just laughed, pushing him completely on his back to stradle himself on top. Mickey let his head fall back onto the cold wet ground in defeat, looking into Ian's eyes.

Ian's mouth kept opening and closing with some sort of aspiration to say something, it was jittering Mickey's heart into some pace he was trying to force away. Ian took a deep breath as he looked in Mickey's bright blue eyes, allowing the only thought possible to whisper through his lips.

"You're beautiful..."

Mickey sighed, allowing himself to reach up and kiss the Gallagher, his hands gripping onto the nape of his neck, their lips moved slowly, different than most of their kisses, they moved slowly, caring and tender, Ian stroking Mickey's cheek softly with his thumb whilst his lips tasted Mickey's nicotine breath. It just made him want more.

Mickey pulled away as the kissing intensified, a soft whimper escaping Ian's throat.

"We aren't fucking in the forest, cowboy, now get off so I can beat you home" Mickey breathed, they both smirked at each other. _Challenge accepted_.

"You can try" Ian chuckled, getting off him to charge back down the hill, the both of them laughing as they ran through the trees. Maybe hiking was a good idea, after all.

 

The Wednesday was a more quiet one, Mickey convincing him that he was getting far too old for the running up and down a hill shit, Ian would laugh, saying laziness has nothing to do with age, which was replied with Mickey giving him the bird.

So Mickey lay by the stream, resting his head on a log so he could at least look at the river and Gallagher who was standing, skipping rocks across the water.

"You know" Ian began, throwing a flat rock across the water, it only proceeded to sink "You've never mentioned your mom once, besides the fact that her name is Anastasiya" he told Mickey who shrugged, picking at his fingernails.

"Thought Mandy would've told you about her"

"Well, not really" he focused on the water "She doesn't say much about her"

"Don't blame her" he huffed, shifting himself into a comfortable position.

"Well, what was she like?" Ian looked down at Mickey who stared up at him, squinting from the glare radiating behind him.

"She was like every other goddamn South Side mom" he looked down "She was a lot like Mandy, she was caring, tough, she went through a slightly abusive relationship"

"Slightly?" Ian raised a brow,throwing more stones.

"Yeah, dad was never as bad as he is now. I think it was probably from losing mom he just didn't care"

"so he stopped giving a shit about his kids?"

Mickey almost laughed bitterly "He didn't even give a shit about us when she was alive. She was like Fiona, making sure we were all in line and taken care off. She tried to make me pick up piano lessons instead of picking up the gun my dad desired me to hold. She was a breath of fresh air for a Milkovich"

Ian smiled slightly, looking down to his feet "It must've really hurt to lose her"

Mickey shrugged "I never had the time to really think about it, I was more hurt by how she died. Suicide, I never understood it, I could never understand it. I didn't know it was that bad and I always wished I could do more for her"

"Shit, Mickey I'm sorry"

 _I'm sorry_ was all Ian could think

"I think it could be a cover up though, dad probably did it, he is cold enough"

"hm" Ian pursed his lips, focusing back to the water

"I was only a kid anyway so it's not like a care too much" he cleared his throat "What about your parents? Besides Frank, how your mom going?"

"fucked if I know" Ian laughed, picking up more stones "I haven't seen Monica since I was 17, she's probably dead for all I know" Mickey furrowed his brows

"What do you mean?"

"She's bipolar, some chemical imbalance or something, manic depression. High highs followed by low lows that just stumble over each other" Ian sighed "But I don't blame her illness for leaving, how could you if you're married to Frank and had six kids to raise?" It was a rhetorical question, but Mickey answered anyway

"Rough"

"Yeah" Ian laughed "Surprised none of us have it yet, especially me, the only one without a life"

Mickey's mouth twitched with a sad smile

"Remember Karen Jackson?" Ian quickly changed the subject

"Yeah, I tried to sleep with her in 10th grade" Mickey admitted

"Jesus, Mick" Ian's nose screwed up

"Didn't happen though, she said I smelt like cow shit"

"She smells like cow shit" he muttered, throwing a stone. He sounded offended in Mickey's opinion and Ian kind of was, because Mickey doesn't smell like cow shit, he smells of a natural cologne, his skin smelt so sweet yet sour. He smelt so wonderful Ian's mouth would water. His Mickey did not smell like cow shit.

Mickey chuckled as Ian continued again "Anyway, Frank married Sheila somehow, I tried not to question it but they live together growing old and all that stupid shit. Frank's also been sober for almost a year, so that's a good thing." he shrugged

"You give a shit about your father?" Mickey teased with a smile.

"I do fucking not" Ian huffed, throwing the last stone before walking back towards the tent.

"Hey!" Mickey called out, jumping up from his spot to grab Ian's hand. The redhead turned to Mickey, shifting his eyes.

"What?"

Mickey jumped Ian, pushing him down against the rocky ground, straddling himself on top whilst Ian let out a grunt.

"What's that for!?" he whined, Mickey held a grin.

"payback for yesterday, asshole"

"You gonna kiss me better then?" Ian smiled flirtatiously, Mickey ignored the warmth rush to his cheeks.

"Keep dreaming" Mickey laughed, getting off to let Ian watch him approach the tent. Ian smirked, knowing exactly what that meant.

 

The Thursday night was pretty similar, Mickey went for a drive into town to get something better than cheap supplies for dinner, Ian reverse parked in front of the river, wanting to set up something nicer than the usual.

He pulled their pillows and blankets out of the tent, setting up a comfortable little hang out spot in the back, laying down the layers of blankets and pillows. It was the small gestures that count, right?

Mickey pulled up, getting out with take-away and milkshakes from a new Diner that was simultaneously in the middle of nowhere.

"Take out?" Ian seemed excited as his stomach growled.

"Yeah, literally in the middle of fucking nowhere. Gentrification is going country" he laughed before darting his eyes to Ian's truck by the river.

"You disposing a body or somethin?" he wondered with raised eyebrows.

"No, Mick" Ian huffed "Go look"

Mickey rolled his eyes, walking down to it to find the blankets and pillows, he got a fuzzy feeling inside of him and instead of him crippling and giggling like a teenaged girl he shrugged it off, looking back at Ian.

"Dinner under the stars in the back of your pick up truck? Look at you, the romantic. All you're missing is the fucking candles" Mickey teased, Ian couldn't help but smile.

"Just get in before our food gets cold"

Mickey put a blanket over his crossed legs, burping from his satisfying meal. Ian lounged out along the side of the small area he set up. His feet just touching the other side of the truck. The both of them now slurping on their milkshakes.

Mickey actually was enjoying this, just relaxing under the stars with the guy who meant the most to him. He thought it was kind of girly, but it was only them two, so he guessed it didn't matter.

"You warm there?" Mickey mumbled, Ian went from looking up at the sky to looking at him

"You cold over there?" he grinned, Mickey rolled his eyes

"Shut the fuck up and get over here asshole"

Ian smiled triumphantly, scooting over to sit next to the Milkovich who became flustered, playing with the straw of his drink. He got under the blanket wrapped around Mickey's legs, getting comfortable against the pillows.

"So" Ian dragged out "How's things with you and the girlfriend?" He wondered, actually, he wondered this the whole week so far, maybe even the months it had been since he saw Mickey.

"eh" he shrugged, sipping the milkshake "She wants to settle down but I don't wanna, the kids don't like her very much either"

"Then why are you with her?" Ian wondered again, raising his brow as his arm mindlessly found it's way around his shoulders. Mickey hesitated, tightening his jaw as he stared at the cup

"She's a distraction"

"distraction?" Ian spoke softer know, getting on Mickey's level.

Mickey shrugged, Ian's fingers ran through the back of Mickey's hair softly. He knew what Mickey meant, he was alone in that ranch, only seeing his kids once or twice a month, Daphnee was a distraction from his loneliness.

"She's fun" he spoke higher now, looking at Ian who just looked back with an understanding smile before it turned to a challenging grin.

"Fun? As fun as me?" He wondered, Mickey smiled "You wish"

"Oh yeah?" he raised his brow, grabbing Mickey milkshake and throwing it over the edge.

"The fuck, Gallagher!?" Mickey whined, looking forward to finish it, but was cut off when Ian grabbed Mickey's face and kissed him deeply, Mickey sighing as he parted his lips, allowing Ian to grab a better hold of his lips.

Ian slowly moved a hand down to Mickey's jeans, grabbing his half-hard dick through the denim as their lips collided in a passionate embrace, Mickey's hands instantly fumbled to get Ian's jacket and shirt off. This time Ian didn't oblige, letting the clothes be torn off the both of them.

"I'll show you fun" Ian whispered into Mickey's chest as he finished unbuttoning his shirt, Mickey letting Ian press hot wet kisses along his neck. His eyes rolled back into his head as Ian sucked the spot that sent tremors through Mickey's body, his hand mindlessly made their way to Ian's jeans, unzipping and pulling out his dick, moving his hand up and down the shaft slowly. Ian let out a groan, sucking harder before pulling away, smirking at his succeeded Hickey.

Mickey's eyes rose when he realized what he just allowed, grinning with temptation, he pulled his hand away to straddle himself on top of the Gallagher, ridding of his unbuttoned shirt. Ian's lips latched onto Mickey's hot mouth, the two of them grinding on each other hard as their tongues battled strongly, lapping up all the milkshake taste. Ian yanked hard on the waistband of Mickey's jeans.

"Off" he muttered, Mickey got off him, rolling onto his back as he shoved his jeans off quicker than he could think.

Ian rolled on top of his, fingers finding themselves all over the Milkovich who eagerly pushed Ian's pants down with his feet, mouth nipping at Ian's jaw and working their way to his neck, holding Ian there with one hand against the neck as bit, licked and sucked happily among his neck, feeling himself twitch with every groan in Ian's chest.

He spread Mickey's legs, pushing in without a thought, Mickey grimaced and let out a whimper at the dry entry, but proceeded to fall in love with it, Ian thrusting at such an even pace Mickey's mouth couldn't stop breathing heavily on his neck.

_Oh god it felt so good, oh god he swore he was so in love_

"Jesus" Ian muttered, pressing his head into Mickey's shoulder as the thrusts became harder, jolting moans out of Mickey, moans to say don't you fucking stop.

Mickey lifted a leg, exhaling as Ian pushed deeper, wrapping his arm around Mickey's leg that now rested on his shoulder.

Ian stayed focused on Mickey, letting his gelled-back hair fall forward to just absorb every moan, each movement Mickey made with his hips, rocking back with Ian so hard. Oh god, he looked so beautiful when he bit his lip that way, throwing his head back to let out a cry of pleasure.

"Fuck!" he almost yelled, Ian quickly covered his mouth, kissing the calf of his leg as he thrust faster, the two of them panting as the truck rocked with them.

God, Ian just hoped the breaks wouldn't cut and they'd roll into the stream.

They were getting close so fast, fucking face to face which was unusual, they had bent themselves 1000 ways but this was a favorite, because they saw each other the way they wanted to.

Ian grabbed a hold of Mickey's hips, pulling him further down to let the leg resting upon his leg, shaking only slightly to fall down. Mickey instantly let out a grunt, wrapping his legs around Ian to hold him deeper. Ian grabbed onto Mickey's throbbing length, pumping him hard as they rocked, Ian circling his hips. It wasn't really an even pace, and the slight shaking and jolting was just a side effect of the euphoria leaking through.

"I'm so fucking close" Mickey muttered angrily through his teeth, Ian pressing his head hard to Mickey's as they now shared the same breath, Ian's fists were curling harder, only seconds away from release.

"FUCK! Ian!" Mickey yelled, throwing himself up to claw onto the Gallagher who held him, panting as they both came down from the high.

"Mick" Ian breathed in Mickey's skin deeply "You gotta learn when to keep quiet"

"Y-You" he swallowed the dryness in his throat "shut up" he breathed, collapsing back down in the back of the truck to look up at the stars that lit up the sky. He was smiling now, truly, more than he had in a while. Ian lay next to him, resting his head on Mickey's chest for just a moment till he regained his energy.

Maybe small gestures weren't so bad after all?

 

On the Friday, they were happy, happiest they could probably be. It was only 4pm and they were almost drunk. Ian was laughing as Mickey stumbled into his chair.

"Oh my god!" He laughed "Hey! Let's go up to the cliff and dive" He declared, Mickey widened his eyes as he laughed.

"Are you fucking nuts?"

"no!"

"We'll die!"

Ian gave him a smug look before jumping up from his chair, passing Mickey the nearly finished whiskey bottle.

He cleared his throat, letting his voice belt out "OH NO NOT I! I WILL SURVIVE!" He dramatically pretended to faint, Mickey couldn't stop laughing.

"OH AND AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE! I'VE GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE, I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE" He was singing towards the mountain ahead of him now

"I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL SURVIVE!" He dragged out the last note, Mickey put down the bottle and stood up, clapping his hands at Ian Gallagher.

"Alright Sandy Olsson let's get this show on the road. Race you there?" he grinned to the redhead who turned around with a grin.

"You're on"

They both laughed and tumbled as they ran up the hill, panting and losing their breaths as they pushed and pulled each other around, Mickey knew he was done for long before he reached the edge of the cliff.

Of course, Ian was first, hands on hips and breathing heavily as he laughed in triumph. Mickey came up a minute later huffing and puffing.

"What do I get for winning?" Ian smirked at Mickey who flipped him off.

"Fuck off"

"Fine" he smirked, pulling his shirt and shoes off.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Mickey breathed

"You expect us to jump in there dressed?"

Mickey thought about it a minute before shrugging, following Ian seconds later to the edge fully naked.

"Whoever reaches the water last has to give the other a hummer" Ian declared, holding his smitten smile as Mickey rolled his eyes.

"What kind of stupid fucking rule--"

Ian shoved him back with a laugh, jumping down just over 10 feet.

"hey!" Mickey yelled, running and jumping without thinking.

The cold water hit him like a slap in the face, popping up seconds after Ian with a gasp.

"woo!" He called out, laughing from the adrenaline

"Y-You are fucking insane" Mickey laughed with him, Ian smirked, swimming over to Mickey, holding his face carefully as they kissed.

"You owe me a blowjob" Ian said softly, swimming back to shore, Mickey splashed water at him.

"Fuck off!"

Once they reached land, still naked, Ian stood, still prideful with his hands on his hips, his dick was half-hard from the adrenaline and the thought of Mickey going down on him.

Mickey shook his head, licking his wet lips. "You're lucky I want this"

It was true, he did, he enjoyed the taste of Ian and the thought of giving him that pleasure helped with his ego, probably Ian's too.

He dropped to his knees to the dirty ground, Ian smirked down at Mickey as his thumb ran softly over the slit of his head. Ian threw his head back with a happy sigh as Mickey took him into his mouth, his wet tongue moving over his head and down his shaft.

Mickey didn't even know how he got good at this, he'd just remember every good bj he ever had and worked with it, sucking in his cheeks, pulsing his tongue, making sure it's slow and sensual, pushing Ian as far as he could.

Ian gripped onto Mickey's wet hair as he did all of this, it filled him with the most splendid pleasure he had experienced, moaning, groaning, sighing and breathing every time Mickey would change it up.

Mickey couldn't help but be turned on by this point, the muffled moans Ian was making was just putting him in bliss, also gave him a bit of an ego boost because lord knows, it's so hard to please Ian Gallagher.

"Fuck" Ian breathed as his fingers clawed tighter, his knees feeling weak as the passion built, Mickey going as fast as he could move his mouth--it only hurt his jaw a little bit.

"Fuck, Mick...there" he told him, gasping as Mickey would teasingly run his tongue over the slit over and over, causing Ian to shiver. Mickey devoured the taste of Ian, sucking the head as his hand pumped in a circular motion.

Ian groaned and let out a soft "a-ah" as he came into Mickey's mouth. He pulled away and swallowed the load, wiping his bottom lip. Ian couldn't believe how hot Mickey looked.

"holy shit" Ian chuckled as Mickey stood back up, licking his lips with a breathy sigh

"you're welcome"

Ian bit on his lip softly as their hazy eyes stared into each other. Mickey couldn't even believe his eyes. They were so big and green and magnificent. He pressed his hard on against Ian's thigh with a smirk.

"My turn?" he wondered, Ian pushed Mickey off with a grin.

"Then I wouldn't be winning, would I?"

"See, this is why I said the rules were fucking stupid" Ian smirked, turning around to head to camp "You loved it."

Mickey, still half drunk just nodded with a shrug "Yeah, I loved it"

 

The Saturday was quiet again, the two of them just stayed in the tent wrapped around each other, Ian pressing his head into Mickey's chest because he knew they'd have to get ready to go in a few hours, never seeing each other again till the next card comes in the mail.

"I don't know what to do without you" Ian mumbled against Mickey's warm chest. He felt Mickey huff.

"What was that, mumbles?"

"Nothing" he smiled up at Mickey sadly who just smiled back, stroking his stubbly cheek softly with the back of his hand. No matter how many wrinkles both men were gaining, when they looked in each others eyes they still saw the same boys they met sixteen years ago.

Mickey laid down more, facing Ian. Ian rested his head to Mickey's. The both of them just closed their eyes, maybe they could sneak a few more hours of content sleep whilst they had the chance.

 

They packed up camp, staying quiet most of the time. Mickey helped pack up the tent, putting it in the back of Ian's pick up where they had sex only a few days ago. Ian opened the door, putting his bag in the truck.

"Guess I'll see you whenever I see you" Ian spoke softly, keeping his eyes on the ground. Mickey kept his hands in his pockets.

"U-Uh" Mickey cleared his throat, kicking the stones beneath his feet "Look, Gallagher, I don't know when I'll be able to see you again" Mickey looked up at Ian slightly, watching the man turn and face him completely.

"What does that mean? I barely see you now!" he raised his voice, Mickey chewed his lip and looked him straight in the eye.

"My boss told me I can't take time off for a year, at the least"

"a year!?"

"Yeah, sorry" Mickey tried to shrug it off, Ian smiled distastefully, slamming the door to his truck.

"Shit, Mickey..." he let out a deep breath, he didn't know how to go a year without him, he could barely last nine months.

"You had a fucking week to tell me this" he turned to him again, Mickey just stared.

"I didn't want to ruin it"

Ian laughed bitterly, walking into the now empty campsite

"Why is it that we're always fucking like this! Why can't you just come home, Mick, why can't you just come with me and live by Lakeview!?" he questioned

Mickey almost found humor in that. "Lakeview?" he huffed, following him "Look, I'll take a few weeks off next time, we can go stay at that motel in Pontiac like we did that one year. We had a good time then, didn't we?" 

Mickey was trying, he was trying so hard, he wanted Ian happy. He is so incapable of making him happy. He tried to ignore the fact it was killing him.

Ian looked down, mumbling to himself "There isn't never enough time, never enough"

"You know, Mick? This is the shittiest situation we could ever be in" He raised his eyes to catch with Mickey's who seemed like he just wanted to run away "I used to see you almost ever month when we started and now it's like seeing the fucking pope!"

Mickey raised his brows, pulling his hands out of his pockets to walk a few steps closer "Ian, I have got to work, before, I could quit a job, get a new one. It's too fucking hard, and I have to pay child support for two kids!" he yelled back, Ian just turned away, muttering "You've got to be fucking kidding me"

"I can't quit, Gallagher" He told him, nothing but fresh cold wind filling the pause Mickey held "You gotta better idea?"

Ian nodded, turning back around "I did once"

"You did once?" Mickey raised his brows high, approaching him as he noticed something "Lakeview--Did you do more than bartender in Boystown, Gallagher?" He asked, wishing he hadn't, Ian held his prideful glance, keeping his eyes locked on Mickey's.

"Fuck yes I did"

Mickey felt his gut churn, his lip twitch in disgust as he walked up to Ian completely, looking Ian dead in the eye.

"Oh right, because I hear what they got for boys like you there"

"Is it a fucking problem?" Ian said it as if he were challenging "Do you need a fagbash to make yourself feel better?"

Mickey lowered his voice, threatening "I'll tell you one thing, Ian fucking Gallagher, them things that I don't know, all those _things"_ he shoved at him "That I don't know, would get you killed if I come to know them"

Their eyes stayed locked, Ian feeling a tightness in his throat.

"Fuck you" Mickey muttered again, walking towards his car _fuck you_ for fucking more than one guy behind my back _fuck you_ for teasing me for a fagbash as if I am my dad and _fuck you_ for making my heart ache when all I do is try so fucking hard.

"Yeah, well try this one, and I'll say this just once!" Ian raised his voice, Mickey snapped right to him

"I tell you what, we could've had a great fucking life together!" he yelled "Fucking _REAL_ good life, had a place of our own! But you didn't want it Mickey!" he choked up "All because you're so scared as to what your fucking daddy will think! So what we got now, is Brokeback Mountain" He shouted, gesturing to the mountain behind him.

Mickey felt his chest become heavy, he didn't want to fight Ian, he was way far passed the stage where he wanted to punch him. He just wanted to sleep, he wanted to forget it all and just cuddle up with the redhead screaming harmfully at him and sleep.

"I can't fucking deal with this" Mickey muttered, turning back to the car now, Ian just followed.

"You count the damn few times that we've been together in the nearly twenty years and you measure the short leash that you keep me on and THEN you ask me about Boystown and you tell me you'll _KILL_ me for something that I barely ever get!" Ian let himself go, letting his eyes glaze with the pain he's held for so long

"You have no idea how bad it gets!" He choked "a-and I'm not you! I can't last one a couple amazing fucks once or twice a year" Ian breathed deeply before letting out a soft, tearless cry "You are too much for me, Mickey" he told him, walked back towards camp to recount his breathing as he admitted.

"I wish I knew how to quit you"

Mickey shook his head, trying not to let himself go, keep himself from crying or getting angry. "Then why don't you then?" He turned to Ian "Why won't you let me fucking be then?" He was crying now, oh dear god he couldn't help himself but cry, Ian didn't deserve him, he never deserved Ian. Mickey deserved the loneliness he always had, he was only good for loneliness.

"I-It's because of you that I'm like this! All fucking you!" he tried to shout through his dry throat "I-I'm nothing, I'm nowhere, I'm fucking scared!" he let his emotions pour, wiping his eyes quickly, Ian suddenly felt his anger sank, sadness and remorse filled his gut as he sighed. He didn't mean to be as harsh as he was.

He made his way slowly over to Mickey, trying to pull him close but Mickey just shoved him off

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" He shouted, Ian pushed him hard against his car, grabbing his face tight.

"You fucking listen to me Mickey" He breathed "I-I'm never going to leave you...I'm sorry"

Mickey tried to calm his breathing, trying to force Ian off but he just held him stronger, wiping his tears away with his thumb. "It's okay, Mick, it's okay" he whispered reassuringly. Mickey just licked his lips, letting himself calm down now as Ian pressed his head onto Mickey's.

He sung softly, so much different to the original, more slow, his own emotion put into it

" _Sugar baby love, I didn't mean to make you blue, sugar baby love, sugar baby love, I didn't mean to hurt you, all lovers make the same mistake, yes, they do_ "

Mickey was smiling now, his face flushed pink, he felt like a fucking dork, shoving Ian off playfully.

"I told you I fucking hate Sugar Baby Love"

"too bad" he shot back with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***From here, you decide.***  
> You can either read the angsty end to this story or you can read the sweeter ending by going to see my other fic 'So Fuck It'.  
> Hell, even read this one then read the other to feel better. I just want every reader to feel satisfied, it helps me feel better, too :)  
>  Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read and leave comments/kudos on this story, I love all the support you've given me. x


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* these next few chapters is when things get a bit more dark as we get to the end, but if any of you are interested, you can read the alternative ending called 'So Fuck It' that is on my profile page. Happy ending, sad ending or both, it's up to you :)

It had been four years since Mickey and Ian's confrontation, it didn't change much, it couldn't really. Now they see each other once a year, twice if lucky, the two sent postcards to each other like nobody's business. That's all they had of each other now, it was killing them both, but Mickey tried not to think about it, focusing on the very black and white lifestyle he had. He was excited though, because the kids were turning 19 and 20, no more child support had to be paid off, and he was able to take time off so he wrote Ian, letting him know. He was prepared to just do everything he couldn't before. All he was waiting for now was the response he needed to take off and head back to that stupid fucking mountain.

He sat in his local bar, after years of saying he didn't want to go back there, just enjoying a beer alone. At least he told himself he was enjoying the beer alone.

That's when hell struck, watching the woman he ignored for the past four years walk in with a new man on her arm. Her dark brown eyes instantly hit Mickey. _Shit_.

Mickey stayed focused on his beer, Daphnee approached herself right to Mickey's table.

"H-Hey, Mickey" her voice didn't have that ring it usually did, it sounded hurt. Mickey didn't know what to say.

"Where you been?" she asked.

_Staying the hell away from you_

"Here and there" he told her, sipping the beer that sat in front of him

"I left a word with Steve, the guy who owns the ranch, I mean, you must've got the notes I left at your place" Her voice shook, Mickey stayed quiet, letting his eyes trail off to the mustached man waiting for his lady to come back. He almost chuckled a bit, the dude looked like a fucking dork.

"Looks like I got your message in any case"

She shifted her eyes as she looked back at the man before sitting down.

"Lucas? Yeah, Lucas is great" she smiled at Mickey now, as if she were okay. "He even talks" she huffed, Mickey just took another gulp of his beer.

"good for you" he exhaled from the refreshing beverage

"Yeah" she spoke sadly, looking down at her hands "good for me" she said as if she should've just said 'better than you'

Her voice broke now as she shook her head "I don't get you, Mickey Milkovich"

Mickey met with her tear-filled eyes "I'm sorry" he said as honestly as he could, she let out an angry sigh, a tear fell down her cheek. Mickey didn't feel guilty, but kind of pitiful

"I was probably no fun anyway, right?" She laughed ruefully

"Fun?" she croaked, her eyebrows raised "Mickey, girls don't fall in love with fun" she cried, getting up and walking through the door, Lucas following her out, giving Mickey a look of protection.

_Come on dude, bash me up, see if I care._

* * *

 

Ian rushed down the stairs to the kitchen, quickly sitting down to scoff down his dinner.

"Late again?" Fiona wondered as she washed the dishes, Ian nodded, shoving his mouth with carrots.

"I got distracted" he spoke with his mouth full, Fiona laughed "All you do is write in that stupid book of yours, when will people read it?"

"When I die" he grinned, shoving all he could before he felt full, downing the glass of warm orange juice that sat in front of him

"I'm going to Mandy's to get my tie, I'll see you tomorrow" he told her, as he pushed his chair in, Fiona held her head out, Ian pressed a kiss to her cheek before heading into the living room, smiling at his niece watching the colored television.

"I'm leaving now, Grace. See you in the morning, okay?"

Grace nodded, turning her head to Ian "love you"

Ian huffed, pressing a kiss to her head "Love you too"

Ian entered the Chicago cold with confidence, he was feeling good, it was almost time for him and Mickey to meet again, they had been talking about how with now that he has no child support to pay off, maybe Mickey can finally just take off, Ian assumed he meant they get a place as well and that made him feel happy, he knows Mickey loves him. They didn't need to say I love you, they knew. They always knew.

He ran up the steps of the Milkovich (and Gallagher) home, letting himself in.

"Mandy!" he called out, but their little girl came running over, her hair was the same colour as Lip's, curly too. She had Mandy's daring eyes though, which Ian found adorable. He picked up the three year old who wrapped herself around her uncle, he walked into the living room.

"Laura, where's your mommy?"

"I'm here!" Mandy called out, running in from the hallway, Lip behind her a moment later.

"You two busy with something?" Ian smirked, noticing how messy and puffed out they looked.

"We got distracted" Lip huffed "hi!" he smiled wide at his daughter that now latched onto him, Ian couldn't help but smile.

"I know the feeling"

"Why're you here anyway, do you need something?" Mandy asked, Ian nodded "Yeah, I-I have a special thing at work tonight and I left my tie here"

"I'll go get it" She smiled, walking away

"Thanks" Ian breathed

"What's this special thing?" Lip wondered with a smirk

"It's _not_ like that, it's literally a meeting, all managers and owners are going to discuss how we can improve it"

"improve Lakeview? You can try" he laughed, Ian laughed with him, agreeing "Yeah"

"Here!" Mandy rushed back out, passing over his navy blue tie

"Thanks" he grabbed it, looking at the married couple quickly before kissing Mandy's cheek and patting Lip's back, stroking his niece's hair.

"See you guys later" he rushed off, hearing their goodbyes as he headed toward the L.

* * *

 

Mickey had a busy day at work, glad that it made it go faster simply because it had been just over two week since he sent a card, maybe today he'd get one back. Maybe he can just keep driving till he was in Texas and didn't have to stop.

He pulled up at the Post Office, turning the engine off to his Impala, getting out and putting his cigarette onto the ash road, stepping on it before he headed in.

He had to wait in a line, he always fucking had to. Everyone was rushing for their mail after work, it annoyed Mickey in a way, but hey, he just needed his reply. He watched the workers give out mail, help people with stamps and what they wanted to send, it was moments before Mickey seemed to get closer. He was losing his patience.

After the fat fuck who kept giving Mickey looks was finally out of the way, Mickey quickly approached the kind lady behind the counter.

"Mail please? Milkovich" She nodded, going around looking around for his letters.

Mickey tapped on the bench impatiently, raising the eyebrows at any kid who stared at him. He had been getting looks for years now. Svetlana probably let something slip, he was okay with that thought, as long as his dad didn't know and it was only the town of Riverton that knew, most of the people in this town won't speak shit anyway, especially when it came to Mickey Milkovich.

"Here you are sir" she smiled wide, passing over the mail wrapped in elastic, Mickey nodded a short thanks before heading out the door of the Post Office.

He leaned against his car, pulling off the elastic to go through the mail quickly. He wanted to know if he responded, because Mickey had an idea, even though he knew he was fucked for life--that was the point, he was fucked for life so _fuck it_. Mickey was going to make spontaneous plans.

So he shuffled through them

_Bill_

_Bill_

_Advertisements_

_Bill_

...What

Mickey felt his head lose it's senses, he stood completely still as his stomach seemed to ache with nausea, shaking off the large word, reading over Ian's message twenty times over.

_Mick,_  
 _I'm so glad I'll finally get time with you_  
 _Can't wait to hear what you're excited about!_  
 _I've been missing you so much, but I guess I'll be_  
 _seeing you soon_  
 _Ian x_

His heart began to ache, feeling some sort of denial tremble his body as the bold red word Mickey never hoped to see take over Ian's wonderful scrawled writing.

 

_DECEASED_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry <3


	21. Chapter 21

Mickey still didn't believe it, he couldn't possibly fucking believe it. His mind was racing with panic, he couldn't stop shaking. How would this happen? Why would this happen? _He was supposed to see me tomorrow_ Mickey thought _He's going to see me tomorrow._

_Fuck_ , and he was just starting to think about moving to him.

He stepped into the phone booth next to the Post Office, quickly shoving in the right amount of coins as he called a number he hoped he wouldn't have to call.

"Hello?" Mandy's voice said unenthusiastic, Mickey sighed.

_Fuck_

"Hey"

"Mickey?" her voice pitched in disbelief "is that you?"

"u-uh yeah. I got this um" he sniffed, shaking his emotion off "card from Ian and it says that he, uh..." He swallowed the word, his tongue hated the feel of it, his tongue that once tasted Ian.

Mandy stayed quiet for a moment "yeah" her voice sounded weaker now "h-he's gone"

"w-..." Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath as he felt his eyes glaze. He just couldn't understand. "H-How?"

Mandy's breath shook slightly on the other side of the phone "They're saying he was pumping a flat, then the rim blew up in his face and once someone had found him he drowned in his own blood. But if I had an opinion, I'd call murder with a tire-iron." She was silent for a moment before she let out a cry "God, Mick I'm so--He was going to be 38 next week!"

Mickey hit his head against the glass wall of the booth, the word churned his gut the way he hoped he'd never have to feel. _Ian Gallagher was murdered._

"Mick?" Mandy worried on the other side of the line "Mickey you there?"

Mickey raised phone to his ear, breathing deeply as he kept his eyes closed. "Yeah?"

Yeah, he was there, but his head was in a sick place, imagining his dad hit the man he loved in the knees with the tire-iron in the back alley of a club in Boystown, imagining Ian beg for his life as the man who ruined his life, ruin the only source of happiness he had by smashing his head in repetitively. It shook Mickey, it ached Mickey, because it were a nightmare he had from the second he and Ian happened, and the one he hoped would never happened. He was so stupid, he should've just ran away with him in the first place, he wouldn't be dead if it weren't for his stupid pussy act. He was so fucking stupid. He was crippling in pain, banging his head against the glass telephone box once goddamn fucking more because he deserved more than a punch in the head right now.

"The funeral was a few days ago" Mandy told him, catching his attention.

"H-He buried there?" Mickey's voice croaked

"No, cremated. God, Mick, it was so sudden" she sniffed

_Yeah, sudden._

"His ashes are at his sisters, they're deciding what to do with it"

Deciding? Mickey was positive Ian had this shit planned out.

"He used to say he wanted his ashes spread along Brokeback Mountain, none of us knew where it was. Knowing Ian, it's probably some pretend place where the bluebirds sing and there's a whiskey spring"

Mickey almost smiled sadly, because yeah, that's where he wants his ashes scattered as well.

"I-I know where that is" Mickey told her, she laughed slightly "Yeah I knew you would"

"You think it'd be okay for me to come down? I can get the ashes, take him there"

Mandy sighed "You can try, but Lip is really protective about where his brother ends up"

Mickey just nodded "Thanks, Mandy. I might drop in"

"You better, I haven't seen your ass in years, I see your kids more than I see you"

"Svetlana drops in?"

"Yeah, each time her and the husband has a blue"

"Jesus" he muttered, he thought he was okay, then he'd remember, and he wasn't okay again.

_God_ , it hit like a knife to the chest each time he remembered.

"I'll see you, 'kay?" Mickey mumbled

"Yeah, see you Mick" you could hear her smile on the other line, Mickey just hung up. He had to get to the South Side. Fast.

 

Along the way, he didn't know how to process it, every moment in his mind was full of smiles from Ian Gallagher, moments with Ian Gallagher, his heart aching, remembering how he felt, how he _made_ him feel. All Mickey wanted to do was fall to the ground and announce himself defeated. You can't let yourself love someone for twenty years then have that ripped from you.

Mickey had never felt so shitty, he was thinking that this next trip was going to be the discussion of the perfect runaway plan, he felt like he could finally get away. The kids never stayed in contact, they were doing their own thing. Mickey was lonely, Mickey was ready and all Mickey can see in his imagination is the smug grin of a Gallagher who would've been so happy to move away with him. Mickey would kill to see his smug grin one last time.

He shook his head to clear the tears, keeping focused on the road, trying not to think about the last words they said to each other.

_"How long this time?" Ian wondered, leaning over Mickey who sat in the front seat of his Chevy_

_"Not long, I swear"_

_Ian smiled softly, leaning himself down to press a soft kiss to Mickey's lips. Mickey made sure to hold him there a few seconds until Ian pulled away with a nod._

_"I swear"_

I swear.

 

He was now finding himself in disbelief, it wasn't possible. He still hadn't properly come to terms with it the whole twenty hours he drove, it wasn't possible, he had no actual proof, the card wasn't enough proof, he needed more than that. That word in bright red writing kept catching Mickey's eye and he hated it, he hated everything. How the fuck was this at all fair? God, if he was murdered--if _Terry_ murdered him, he'd honestly not want to live anymore, declare his love for dick and let his dad behead him with a machete.

But it wasn't that easy, Mickey was a coward, he'd rather run away.

He pulled up out front of the place he visited that one time he wanted to get away from the stupid life he had been living and just take off with Ian. That's what he wish he was doing right now, but he wasn't. It was so much worse than that.

He stepped up the wooden stairs, hesitantly knocking on the door.

The door instantly opened to a girl with dark red hair similar to Ian's standing there. God, she looked so much like him.

"Can I help you?" she wondered with a slight smile.

"I-I'm--" He went to say Ian's friend, but he was so much more than that "Mandy's brother"

"Oh, are you Mickey?" she wondered

Mickey raised his eyebrows in a way to say yes

"You were friends with Ian right? He spoke of you" Mickey nodded "Yeah"

The girl moved out of the way, gesturing to come in.

Mickey walked inside the house, noticing the family photos, Lip's college diploma, the kids who sat on the couch watching TV. A whole new generation of Gallagher's. He noticed the hole in the wall from a sting-renovation-operation, he noticed how worn out the stairs looked, he noticed the wallpaper, how it was fading away. He noticed how this warm, welcome home was once a place Ian lived his days growing up.

"Guys" The girl announced as she led Mickey to the kitchen "This is Mickey"

Fiona got up right away, he only recognized her by her big brown eyes. She hadn't changed much from how he remembered, just older with some grey's coming through. "Hey" She smiled sadly, wrapping her arms around Mickey lightly, Mickey awkwardly embraced Fiona, pulling away to look at the Gallagher's who sat at the table, one chair without anyone sitting in it.

Just when Mickey thought it stopped hurting, it hurt more.

The rest of the Gallagher's stared at him, Carl--who he assumed was Carl, nodded at him. He could figure it out now. The redhead was Debbie, the lighter haired man was lip, he only knew by the attitude he held when he looked at Mickey, he remembered wanting to punch the fuck out of his dopey blue eyes. Then there was Carl, then the darker boy in his early twenties, seeming to have no interest in the things surrounding him, not in a bad way, in a sad way.

"Would you like some coffee?" Fiona offered, holding out a cup of straight black coffee. Mickey nodded and took it.

"Thanks"

"I can't believe you're here" Lip spoke, he was waiting for the moment the asshole would speak

"that so?"

"You haven't been around the neighborhood in twenty years, Milkovich, didn't think you'd be coming back"

Mickey scoffed, looking at his cup "Well I wouldn't have if it wasn't for--" he cleared his throat as he hesitated, sipping the slightly warm coffee that was in his hand.

"Yeah, well, don't worry about it. Nothing you can fucking do about it now anyway" Lip sighed, Mickey shot his eyes right at him.

Fiona walked over to the spare seat by Lip and sat down, offering the chair she was sitting in to Mickey. He chewed his lip, quickly making his way over and sitting down.

"Why are you here?" Carl wondered

"He wanted to be scattered on Brokeback Mountain, I'm just saying I'd happily take him up there for you" He tried to keep eye contact with every Gallagher at the table who all stared at Mickey with sympathy.

"I'll tell you what" Lip began, hunching over to somehow intimidate Mickey. It didn't work, he could never intimidate Mickey. "I know where Brokeback is, asshole thought he was too special to be buried in the South Side" he began "Ian used to say _Mickey Milkovich--Mickey's going to come here with me one Spring and live with me_ " Lip's mouth twitched bitterly "He believed You, _Mickey Fucking Milkovich_ was going to move here and live a life with him"

Mickey felt himself choke up again, he stared at the cup, he could feel their eyes burning on him now. He didn't want to feel regret or feel sorry for himself, he didn't want to, that'd just be poor behavior on Ian's part. He shoved his guilt away the same way he hid his anger and sadness. He didn't care if he told Lip that they were together, he just wanted to pay his respects then live the way he was always supposed to. Alone.

"Then this spring" Lip continued, Mickey didn't move his dead eyes from the coffee cup, trailing off to wonder if Ian had drank from this cup.

God, the things you over-think when you lose someone.

"He got a guy, a temporary fling" Mickey's eyes raised now, Ian had someone new? Mickey wasn't sure if that made it better or worse.

_Worse_ Mickey decided _always worse_

"He started helping out, taking Ian out places he hadn't been--" his voice raised till Fiona interrupted him. Mickey knew he was trying to make him angry, but he just didn't have the energy. Frankly, he was depressed.

"Lip!" she scowled, hitting him over the head before looking at Mickey, biting her lip.

"You can go to his room if you want" she smiled friendly at him, reaching a hand over to hold his "he never wanted to leave the boys room" she laughed fondly at the memories "Feel free to go in there and take something if you wish"

Mickey just nodded, chewing on his lip anxiously

"It's the room at the end of the wall by the bathroom"

Mickey nodded again, a short thanks as he stood up, making his way up the unfamiliar staircase.

He found the room at the end of the hall that was filled of old photos, toys, empty lighters and clothes that were neglected after years of use. Mickey wasn't hesitating, he knew it was just a stupid room, _who cares_ it's not like Ian is actually in there, right?

_wrong_

Mickey opened the door and all he could smell was Gallagher's cologne, he could see the leather jacket of his hanging lazily over his desk chair. He could see the pinned notes on his walls of book ideas, stories, poems, comics.

Mickey saw everything Ian was.

He closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath as his eyes properly scanned the room. He didn't even have a double bed in here, it made Mickey smile slightly because he knew how sentimental Ian was. Mickey paced over to the desk, noticing the empty pack of smokes and a little cowboy on a horse wood carving that Mickey made their first time on Brokeback, Mickey gave it to Ian just in case they never met again. Little did he know.

God, Mickey felt like this was all a nightmare, _it should've been me_ , he kept thinking, _not Ian_.

He could hear Ian's laughter from their last night together in his mind

_"You know I can kick your ass"_

_"Try me"_

Mickey licked his lips before his eyes averted to his bed. He couldn't help but smile at his messy unmade bed, going and sitting on it slowly, feeling the soft yet itchy knitted blanket Ian had slept with for god knows how long, he let his eyes trail to the posters and notes on the walls that were mostly faded and rubbed out, they were probably neglected and years old.

Maybe it was lame, but Mickey decided to lay down, get the feel of how he slept, how he slept before he couldn't wake up.

But a hardness under the pillow made him lose track as to what he wanted to do.

He sat up, furrowing his brows at the pillow. Ian complained at even the thought of having a rock under his pillow, why would there be something under there now?

Mickey picked it up, finding a notebook, leather front and back, the pages beige with age. He placed the pillow on his lap, grabbing the book out of curiosity, but when he flipped through it, there was nothing but ripped pages and scrawling of random ideas.

_Musician_

_Army_

~~_Doctor_ ~~

_Nothing that requires a diploma or horse shit_

_Post Office?_

It all followed by scribbled out paragraphs on himself, like an autobiography. It kinda nagged at Mickey's brain that he wasn't going to see what Ian actually wrote. He was creative and ambitious, Mickey knew that kid could do anything, but he knew he was secretive too. Who the fuck knows where those ripped papers are now. Something sparked Mickey about this list though. Jobs? Was he trying to get a new job? Stop working in Boystown? Mickey didn't know if that made it better or worse. Mickey could've taken him away from this place.

Just as Mickey thought he's best to leave everything here, he went to put down the pillow and felt crumpled fabric between the pillow and the deep blue sheet he just couldn't flatten out. He hoped Fiona would excuse him for rummaging through his shit, but then again, she said he could take anything.

He pulled the sheet off, letting a poorly folded out shirt fall to the floor. Mickey raised his eyebrow, grabbing the shirt, unfolding it and holding it up high.

He couldn't believe it, he wasn't sure what to believe.

_Stupid fucker stole my shirt_ he huffed sadly, amused at himself, noticing the white shirt he thought he left on that mountain years ago after having a bloody nose be wrapped around by Ian's blue button up on top, as if it were a jacket for Mickey's shirt.

He hesitated for a moment before slowly bringing the shirt up to his nose, inhaling to feel his heart ache just that tiny bit more, fuck, this was so gay, he shook that thought away, he didn't care if it was gay anymore, shit, he knew it was too late to care anyway.

It was so much fresher than he thought, the smell of Ian was marked onto the shirt and it wasn't just his cologne that stunk up the rest of the room, it was Ian, it was how he smelt when Mickey was wrapped in his touch, the way his skin smelt, soft, warm and freckled. It was exactly how Mickey remembered and his fingers began to clench into it because holy fuck, he wanted to hold Ian so bad right now. It was all too abrupt to be real, all too sudden and unbelievable. Mickey couldn't describe it.

He missed him so much before, but somehow, now, he missed him so much more.

 

Fiona didn't even retaliate in putting the bloody shirts in a bag for him.

Everyone was in the living room now besides Lip who still sat at the table, looking grimly at his coffee cup as if it were the reason for this mess.

"Here" she rolled up the paper-bag, passing it over. Mickey kept a hard grip on it. It was all he had left.

"Thanks"

"Mickey" Lip's voice raised, Mickey looked over at the exhausted Gallagher, raising a brow.

"What?"

"He's staying here. He isn't ending up on some stupid _fucking_ mountain"

"Lip!" Fiona's voice warned

"What?" He almost laughed now, pointing a finger at Mickey "You think he should take him far away from where he belongs?"

"It was Ian's best interest--"

"I don't give a shit!" Lip stood up, Mickey could feel the anger flushing through his body, he tried, he really tried to ignore it, he couldn't help but laugh bitterly.

" _Shut the fuck up!_ " Mickey shouted in frustration, causing white nose throughout the house, Mickey bit his lip, brows raised high, approaching the second eldest Gallagher.

"You fucking listen to me, _Ian_ made the choice to be on that _stupid_ mountain. If you guys want him to stay here, fine, but don't be a fucking bitch about it" He kept his voice low, his eyes staying on Lip's the whole time. Lip just bit his lip and nodded, grabbing his jacket off the hanger.

"You should feel lucky, Mickey" he told him, shrugging on his jacket "He really knew how to pick 'em" he sarcastically smiled, slamming the back door behind him. Mickey huffed, turning around to find Fiona smiling at him with a look of empathy

"I'm sorry"

Mickey just shrugged it off. Whatever.

"You should stick around the neighborhood, Mick"

"Nah, I think I'm just going to see my family and leave" He told her honestly, hesitantly trying to make a break for the door.

"Okay" she nodded "I understand"

"Thank you, for this, by the way" Mickey gestured to the bag before walking out.

He had to get out, he couldn't handle this anymore.


	22. Chapter 22

Mickey pulled up in front of his old place a street over, the place was just as worn down as he remembered. Jesus, he bet it was exactly the same on the inside.

His eyes averted to the paper bag in the seat next to him, grabbing it as if it were gold and shoved it in his glove box. Yeah, maybe no one would steal a shirt, but he hid it, just in case. It's all he had left of him.

He could already feel the panic rise in his chest as he approached the door, the January cold of Chicago making his limbs shiver, not helping that the anxiety he had was already fluttering inside him.

The door swung open to a slightly-aged Mandy Milkovich with a little girl on her hip, she smiled in relief.

"Mickey" she almost jumped him, squeezing him tight with her free hand "come in, it's fucking freezing"

"Yeah it's freezing" Mickey laughed nervously, agreeing as he followed her in. The shithole hadn't changed at all, in fact it was a bit worse.

"This your little girl?" Mickey asked, even though he already knew

"Yeah" Mandy smiled, poking her daughter's stomach "This is Laura--Hey Laura, want to say hello to uncle Mickey?" She asked her daughter.

Mickey couldn't help but smile at 'uncle Mickey'

"Hello" she smiled shyly to her uncle, Mickey still held a smile. He didn't know if it was real or not, but it was there.

"uh" Mickey changed the subject "is dad here?"

"yeah, in his room with Iggy, he became guilty with a murder charge for a guy Ian was seeing. They let him out because they said he was dying. Collapsed lung"

Mickey didn't know how to feel about that sentence. His dad killed Ned? He's dying? Can him and Ian please switch positions?

"Dad would rather sit around and let the other one give out instead of get it fixed and go back to prison"

Mickey just let out a breath, nodding "Can I see him?"

"Yeah, of course"

Mickey was kind of glad that he'd be seeing his dad whilst he was on his last limbs, mostly because it means he'd be too weak to kill him and also the big fact, _He's dying_.

Mickey approached the door carefully, gripping the knob and turning it, taking a deep breath to walk in and find what he'd expect.

His dad lay in bed, wheezing as he puffed on a cigarette, Iggy leaning against a wall to make sure he was all good. His eyes shot up to Mickey with so much happiness it kind of blew him away.

"Mick!" he laughed, running and hugging his brother in a tight embrace.

"Woah, okay" Mickey laughed awkwardly, hugging his brother back.

He now realized he hadn't seen his brother in so long, he had barely aged, he had a few wrinkles, sure, but everything else was the same.

"Man it's so good to see you, brother" he patted Mickey's back, he just nodded.

He was happy to see his brother too, but he was here for the wrong reasons.

"Son" the voice wheezed, Mickey's eyes hesitated in looking directly at him.

Was it bad that it gave him confidence? Knowing his dad was on his deathbed?

"Hey pops" Mickey smiled anyway, acting as if he wasn't emotionally drained. He propped himself on his dad's bed, watching as his father weakly put out the cigarette.

"good to see you, kid. You never come around here any more"

Mickey just nodded "yeah"

"The fuck you here for then, huh? We ain't got money, not till this baby gives out" he took a deep breathe, pointing to his right lung.

"Nothing, no reason really" Mickey lied, god, the suspension to know was killing him

"How's the kids?" he wondered with a cough, Mickey shrugged

"fine--Hey dad, remember when you'd do those fag bashes?"

His dad smiled, prideful "Best days of my life, no queers going to fuck with this family!"

Mickey's mouth twitched bitterly, but he tried to hold his smile "when was the last time you did one?"

"The day I got out of prison, about a week or so ago" he laughed weakly "You should've seen this kid, Mick, I gave a whole knew meaning to the term Ginger Snap"

Mickey almost lost it. He felt his gut drop, his heart sinking with it, his brain got dizzy and he felt so physically nauseous, his blood was starting to boil with anger and vengeance. He was aching. He swore he was going to grab a knife and shove it right into the other lung.

But he didn't, he kept smiling, he had to keep smiling. Even though he killed the one person he loved the most.

"That's awesome dad" his voice was empty "You hungry? I'll get Mandy to make you something?"

"nah, Mick, I'm good"

"Okay, well I'll see you around" He got up and left the room as his father said his goodbyes.

Mickey gritted his teeth together, fighting back the tears and anger locked inside of him

Next time he sees Terry better be at his fucking funeral.

"Mick?" Mandy's voice called out almost hesitantly but Mickey just shook his head, he was at boiling point.

No, _fuck this shit._

Mickey stormed out of the house, hearing Mandy calling out from behind, he kept walking, he wouldn't stop walking. His dad murdered the one thing Mickey cared about more than anyone else in the world. Who the fuck does that? Who really has the right thoughts in their mind to kill someone? Sure, Mickey was a Milkovich, he'd scam, bash and threaten but never actually kill someone. Jesus _FUCK_ \--

Mickey stumbled in the road, his anger totally blurred out what he was doing. A pick-up almost ran him over, he glared at the driver who gave him the bird.

"Watch where you're going faggot!" he shouted.

Mickey walked over to his window, staring at the driver with his brows raised "The fuck you say?"

"Wa-"

Mickey hit him in the nose before he could even think, he pulled the door open, dragging this bastard out. Pushing himself on top to just let his knuckles collide into the guys face. He couldn't really register what he looked like, he just imagined it as his father, trying not to cry, thinking. _Why would you do that to him. He did nothing wrong! Fucking nothing! I loved him you piece of fucking trash!_

"Mickey!" Mandy shouted, diverting his attention from the bloody man beneath him who pushed him onto his back, Mickey had done this enough times before he knew to just get up and run, he needed to just breathe, he needed a moment. For the love of god his world is torn apart.

He ran around the corner under the L, letting himself fall down as he reached the wall.

Fuck, it hurt, it all hurt too much.

He just cried, like the pussy he always was, sobbing so hard he couldn't stop. All he ever fucking wanted was Ian, all he really had was that stupid fucking redhead with gorgeous eyes and cute smug grin. Mickey just tried to control his breathing, covering his face. _Jesus fucking Christ you're overreacting, calm down, Mick, calm down._

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" A puffed out Mandy yelled as she reached around the corner, looking at her brother with so much worry, she was terrified, since when was Mickey this self destructive?

Mickey looked up at his sister, wiping his cheeks "why'd you follow me?"

"Because you're acting like a fuckwad!" Mickey stared at the ground now taking a shaky breath, Mandy let out a sigh

"I know you loved him"

Mickey's heart froze in his chest, as if it wasn't already dead before. Mickey furrowed his brows. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"Ian, you douche."

Mickey licked his lips "did he tell you?" he wasn't even angry

Their eyes met with a shared sadness, her eyes almost mimicked Mickey's, she shook her head "figured it out. You never see us or any of your friends but you and Ian saw each other constantly. He'd come home after being a week away with you and be so happy and the look in his eye when he talks about you really got me thinking but the second you called after years of not talking, it convinced me and then now, seeing you this hurt, convinced me even more"

Mickey felt his whole self crumble, he didn't care if he felt pathetic anymore, he let his tears fall.

Mandy instantly sat next to Mickey and wrapped herself around her older brother, Mickey burrowing his face in Mandy's shoulder.

"Fuck" his voice shook "I don't know what to do"

"Sh" she soothed him, running her hand up and down his back "You'll figure it out"

He instantly shoved her off, reminding himself not to be so fucking vulnerable.

She understood, she smiled sadly and wiped the tears under his eyes away.

"I'm so sorry" she spoke softly, Mickey took a deep breath to compose himself.

"I'm going to be fine"

She smirked at that, grabbing her brothers shoulder "You know, mom would be so proud of you Mick, you're the only one to survive, get out of the South Side and be who you wanted to be. She would be so fucking proud"

Her saying that lifted Mickey's spirits just a little bit, putting somewhat of an actual smile on his face "You think so?"

Mandy nodded "uh huh, know so"

"Thanks" They hugged again, she squeezed a bit tight that Mickey thought she was going to break his rib-cage.

"You better fucking stay in contact" she muttered

"I will once that fucking prick is the one who's dead"

"I like the sound of that" She laughed, Mickey pulled away and thought about the life Mandy had here, with Lip and Laura. The life Mickey lost.

"You better not let that fucking dick anywhere near her--"

"relax, you deal with your shit. Why do you think Iggy's watchin' him? to make sure he doesn't ruin anyone else"

Mickey took a sigh of relief with a nod. He just sat there, allowed himself to group everything that just happened, he thought about his dad, he thought about how proud he was, he thought about how easily he called Ian Ginger Snap.

Mandy wrapped herself around Mickey once more. Mickey didn't even realize he was crying again.

"I love him..." Mickey mumbled, Mandy smiled, holding her sad grin, pressing a kiss to his head.

"Yeah, I know" she mumbled back "I know...Come on, Mick, you can stay the night and try get some rest"

"I should've done something" he mumbled, Mandy ran her fingers through his black hair

"No one saw this shit happening, it was just a bad coincidence. Come on, let's head home, you need some rest"

"I'll either sleep or make sure his other lung collapses" he muttered coldly, Mandy smiled though.

"Yeah, wouldn't blame you either"

 

He let Mandy take care of him that night, but he couldn't sleep. He thought sleep without Ian was bad, now it was worse. Everything was catching up to him, every time he remembered he could only shake it away. It was so bad, and being alone in his bedroom that he hadn't been in for twenty years just made it worse. He wasn't comfortable here, he wasn't comfortable anywhere. This isn't home.

He used memories of Ian as comfort though, memories of his skin, memories of his eyes, memories of his voice, his smile, how he hummed to Mickey when he was panicking, how much of an asshole Mickey thought he was when they met, how his freckles faded and his ginger stubble started coming through and it with tickle Mickey's skin. He couldn't imagine him lifeless and he frankly didn't want to.

Because Ian would always be alive in his heart.

 


	23. Chapter 23

_Time doesn't heal, it just helps you forget the pain._

It had been a few years. Mickey kind of eliminated himself from the world he lived in. He moved to a trailer park outside Wyoming, he wasn't comfortable staying in the South Side, this was as comfortable as he was going to get, alone.

Jesus, he could never forget Ian, it still hurt like a burn that wouldn't go away, and he was never really going to move on, but the pain of it all was fading by now, or he was forgetting. He still held Ian Gallagher in his heart, and he was never going to move on, he didn't want to. He was okay with himself and a trailer. Just okay.

He heard a car pull up in front of his place, he motioned his way to the door and opened it to find his kids smiling at him. Now here was a reason to be happy.

"Hey" Mickey smiled as his now 22-23 year old kids hugged him and said hello.

Mickey let them inside his small little place, the two of them sat side by side on Mickey's sofa as he cracked open a few beers. Alcohol was a gift, truly.

He passed his kids a beer, they both took it and took a swig.

"Dad you seriously need new furniture" Yevgeny exhaled, Mickey let out a huff

"When you got nothin' you don't need nothin" he told him, sitting in front of his kids who almost looked guilty to say that, it's like they knew, but Mickey wasn't going to say anything.

"So, what's news?" Mickey wondered "You guys never drop in unless it's important"

"uh" Anastasiya cleared her throat "I'm getting married"

Mickey brooded, staring at his two kids, the both of them almost screamed.

"Not to each other!" they said in sync, Mickey let out a sigh of relief

"Thank god, I was about to call INS on your mother"

They let out a laugh, Anastasiya explained "Mason and I are getting married next fall and I just thought I would tell you"

"Mason? Whatever happened to Jerry?"

"that was two years ago"

"Oh, fuck" Mickey bemused "A-And this Mason guy, you been with him for?"

"a year"

Mickey just nodded, chewing his lip "Does he love you?"

Ana instantly nodded "Yeah daddy, he loves me"

Mickey let himself smile "Good, always tell each other that"

_Always tell him because I never got to tell the one I loved that I loved him._

"We never forget"

Mickey smiled wider, now becoming excited at the thought of his daughter getting married, and it wasn't forced or any stupid bullshit, it was real love. He was glad.

"Oh" Yevgeny cleared his throat to gain his fathers attention.

"Yeah?" Mickey raised a brow at his son

"You don't think I'm just here as a tag along do you?"

Mickey shrugged "Well?"

"you're going to be a grandfather" His son smiled so proudly, something inside Mickey made him feel happier than he ever had in such a long time.

"Are you fucking serious?" He couldn't stop smiling

"Dead set" he smiled, Mickey couldn't help himself, leaning over to hug both his kids tight. He was proud of them, they were only in their early twenties and living a better life than Mickey had, this was perfect, this is why he kept living, for his children who are so beautiful to him, despite all the bullshit behind them, they were good kids.

 

He waved them goodbye a few moments later, his smile fading as the door closed behind him. He honestly hadn't taken the shirts out of the bag since he got them off Fiona, but now, on this occasion, he thought _what the hell, fuck it, it's all I have left._

He pulled open his cupboard, pulling out the paper bag that sat in front of his face almost everyday he got dressed, he licked his lips as he sat down on the bed. He couldn't bring himself to doing this before, scared the smell would run away, but it had been a few years, the smell was probably gone anyway.

He unrolled the bag, opening it to see the shirts folded perfectly, he smiled softly and pulled them out, chucking the bag to the ground.

He ran his thumb along the collar of the blue denim shirt, bringing it to his nose. The smell was almost gone, but it was there, or it was just helping Mickey remember it, who knew. He was there though.

He pulled his shirt from the inside, now wrapping it around Ian's like a security blanket, the same way Ian had wrapped it around his.

Mickey decided to get up and put the shirt on a coat hanger, carefully stretching at it slightly, as he reached the torso, he felt something like folded up paper inside the pocket of Mickey's old white shirt.

Mickey expected it to be some sort of list from having to wait for the mules or some shit, but he was wrong, he was so far from wrong. He folded out the page that filled with Ian's messy handwriting. This is what he did with his diary entries. He hid them in places that had to do with the entry.

Mickey had to sit down and put his glasses on so he could really focus on it.

_December 1963_

_I know I haven't really written much, it's not like I haven't tried it's just that I had a shitty job for the season. Okay, maybe it wasn't shitty but the camping in the woods and having to work for Aguirre, that was shitty._

_What was so good about this job then, you might ask. Well, I met someone. I guess you can say he ~~loves~~ likes me too. I'm not one who usually tosses the word love around like a daisy but yeah, I think I'm in love with him. From the second I saw him, I kind of just knew. I think he found it weird how I stared a lot, but I just couldn't help it. His eyes are literally bluer than the sky, and his hair being so dark only made his eyes look brighter. Jesus, I could die looking in those eyes. _

_We accidentally fucked, I guess. We fucked, a lot. It wasn't just because we were so horny and couldn't be bothered jacking off, there was something there, I know there was. You can't fake it. As Lip says, it's all about pheromones, someone's scent. Mickey was that scent, the only scent that could make me flutter, fall and ache all at the same time. His attitude towards everything only made me fall further, I know he feels it too, I'm pretty positive. I haven't spoken to him since we got off that mountain though, and he's probably married with their kid and having a typical whatever lifestyle._

_I don't really know what to do, I'm thinking about tracking down Mandy, maybe she will lead me to him._

_I think I'm literally going to go crazy though, I'm having some sort of Mickey withdrawal?_

_Enough about Mickey though, I guess I can talk about other stuff. Liam is finally talking more than few words at a time, Lip's back for the holidays, Debbie has a boyfriend, Carl's robbing places. I'm looking for another job, maybe at a bar or something, that would be fun._

_Anyway, I just wanted to catch you up quickly, because the only person I speak to about this shit would be Lip but he's all up Amanda's ass right now. I'm just hoping Mickey's okay, it's kind of annoying always thinking about him but that's okay, I have nothing better to do_

_OKAY this is the last time I'm going to finish this entry by a few simple words that play in my mind, hoping some day that they might slip out._

_I love you Mickey Milkovich_

Mickey couldn't hide the smile, the true smile he only had when he was around Ian, he thought he'd possibly cry, this reminded Mickey of how much of a dork Ian was and it quickly covered up the tears by a happy little chuckle that he couldn't control.

"Ian fucking Gallagher"

he shook his head

" _I love you too_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finished!
> 
> Thank you so much to every one who took the time to read and leave kudos/comments for me, it really helped me find the motivation to keep going.  
> I am so sorry for breaking your hearts and I, as well as all of you are probably wondering 'what if he lived?'  
> So, I am in fact starting to write the alternative ending that takes place just after Chapter 19. It's going to be really good, I swear, I wouldn't hurt you guys like this again <3
> 
> Thank you so much, again, I love each and every one of you. 
> 
> And if you were wondering, here is my tumblr. http://ivegotamagicpenis.tumblr.com/ (Classy I know)
> 
> Stay tuned! x


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